I (29F) was in a serious, long-term relationship of two years that ended back in January and just recently joined Hinge for the first time. So far, I’ve met up with two different guys (32M and 30M).
These guys seemed really nice, but after two dates, I realized the connection ultimately wasn’t there and sent a text along the lines of: “Hi X, I had a nice time on our dates, but unfortunately, I didn’t feel a romantic connection. I wish you all the best!”
The response to this text was NOT GOOD on both counts. Both guys sent back a wall of several text messages that got progressively more aggressive and mean when I didn’t respond after my first message. The first guy kept texting me for a week even though I had stopped responding.
When this happened the first time, I figured this was a one-off problem. But now that this has happened with a second guy, I’m wondering if I need to change my approach to how I let guys down on the apps? Is there some sort of unspoken dating app etiquette that I’m completely missing here? For additional context: I always pay for my own drinks/food on these dates.
My experience with these two guys has honestly been so awful that I’m scared to go on more dates.
TL;DR! Guys not handling rejection well after only two dates and sending me aggressive messages. I’m wondering if there’s a different way I need to approach dating apps?
10 comments
It’s fragility/ toxic masculinity. It’s not you- you’re being polite to let them know that you don’t want to move forward with things, rather than just ghosting- but this is exactly WHY some women do ghost, because sometimes a man’s reaction to a perceived rejection can be really aggressive.
It doesn’t sound like you are doing anything wrong, and it sounds like you have good taste that you didn’t feel a connection to these guys who revealed clear red flags.
You’re doing nothing wrong, this is how I would let men down as well, politely and without ghosting them. They’re bad news if they’re going to react that way, so clearly you were right not to keep dating them. I would just block them once they start angrily texting you a week later.
im a guy and you did nothing wrong lmao
rejections are a part of dating thats just how it is
>Both guys sent back a wall of several text messages that got progressively more aggressive and mean when I didn’t respond after my first message.
they sound immature as fuck for being 30+ years old lmao you dodged 2 bullets there
only insecure children would react like that tbh
After only 1 or 2 dates, you don’t have to tell them anything. You can just not respond to their texts.
Also highly recommend dating offline.
This is why I used to block as soon as I sent the rejection text. People have a hard time accepting rejection.
Back when I was dating I got ghosted after a date or two quite a bit, it’s no big deal.
Ghost away! Let them pretend you were intimidated by their overwhelming virility or whatever fantasy they want to construct.
Not much you can do, you didnt do anything wrong. But start paying for half of the bill if you’re not already. So when it doesn’t work out on the first date nobody feels cheated. You’re gonna be have A LOT of dates where the connection isn’t there, that’s how online dating goes, but it’s fair to invest in the date as much as the other person. (Or just do free dates if that’s your thing walk in the park etc) might just be better to hit on guys in person, have a date on the spot and that way you don’t have to give out your number immediately and it will be easier/faster to discern if there’s a connection
À rejection text is actually really nice of you. Some people just ghost and that is rude as hell
This has happened to me, and why it’s a thing they do is a mystery to me. Blocking right away is good. Also as an extra precaution, don’t take your app messaging to your phone until you’re sure you want to pursue something with them. That way they won’t have your actual number to harass you with. Stay safe out there!