what should i do?

10 comments

  1. Your best friend is simply not attracted to you, this doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, people don’t feel attracted to others on the basis if they are “right” or “wrong” attraction is mostly irrational.

    At this point for you it’s no longer a friendship since you have feelings for him but they are not reciprocated.

    I’d reflect on why you like this guy, and if it’s worth it to keep the friendship but to do so in a honest way you’d have to be able to put those feelings aside.

    Stop comparing yourself to others and start loving yourself for who you are. he is not the cause of your low self esteem, you have low self esteem already to begin with and even if he reciprocated your feelings and you guys ended up together that wouldn’t fix anything, you’d still be with him with your burdens and insecurities which would be bad for the relationship.

  2. * **”What’s wrong with me”? “What should I do”?**
    * There was nothing wrong with you until you realized that you had feelings for him. You created problems for yourself when you started to have feelings for him. He was your best friend. You knew he only saw you as a best friend and nothing more.
    * The best thing for you to do is end the friendship. Why do you continue to do damage to your self-esteem? Why do you torture yourself this way? It’s not hard to see that you had unresolved issues before you started to have feelings for him. He’s not the reason why you’re having problems with your self-esteem. My only advice to you is for you to consult with a therapist. Find out what is going on with you. You will be able to put your life back in order once you have shared your feelings with a therapist. You don’t need to continue to suffer this way.
    * I know it will be hard for you to end your friendship with your best friend. But that is the only way you can work on yourself. And with time, you will forget about him.

  3. I’ve been in your shoes. Tbh, I lived for years in this same pain, and while I don’t necessarily regret it (because there were good times too, of friendship, etc) the truth is that things only got better over time and distance from this person. We no longer talk, but we did re-connect as friends briefly… by that point, I guess I had moved on (was sort of interested in someone else) and it just didn’t bother me as bad. In fact, when I was sitting with them in the restaurant (we were having lunch), I was looking at them and wondering what I was so crazy about all those years ago. It’s sad and stuff but I guarantee you will eventually move on. Best of luck my friend… on to bigger and better things.

    I want to add on, I remember years ago I posted on Reddit asking for similar advice. Actually, this was about someone else I had feelings for (lol, my heart!) and I remember someone saying you need to let go because, until you do, you don’t stand a chance of being open to finding someone who actually reciprocates your feelings. At the time, I remember being very opposed to that advice… you fight against the truth, because your heart wants what it wants, right? Objectively speaking, however, I’m here to humbly offer you those same words of advice. Put some space between you two, no matter the pain right now. It will pass in time.

  4. You want to be wanted, but you are not being wanted by him in the way you want.

    Seek someone who wants you the way you want to be wanted.

    Jealousy is about someone else having what you want, go after what you want WHERE you can get it.

    Love you.

  5. Stop being friends w/ him. Staying around him will eventually rot you from the inside out. Leave while you have a shred of sanity and grow from that.

  6. A few people have said end the friendship but I disagree. Don’t let your romantic whims get in the way of a good friendship. Maybe the romantic love you are feeling for him can be transformed into, well, good old fashioned LOVE!

    Be a good friend to him. If he’s important to you then I’m sure you feel that he deserves you as a friend. Be there for him, if that’s what you want to do. Romance doesn’t need to come into it, and if it does, then great! But if you just end up being great friends, then that’s cool too!

    I get the self esteem stuff, trust me, but it’s important to remember that physical attraction isn’t everything. Sometimes we just ‘feel’ that we don’t want to be with someone romantically. It’s not about judging them on their looks, it’s about finding someone that FEELS right as a romantic partner. If he feels you’re better off as friends, then maybe he’s right!

    It’s really about the energy that YOU give it. Please don’t get too caught up in the “what ifs” and the “why nots”.

  7. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s a normal reaction at the beginning. I do think that for your own sake, you should distance yourself from your best friend. Give yourself the time to move on. It won’t be easy, but in the long run, it will be better for your mental state.

  10. As someone in your shoes. Do not give up the friendship. I love my best friend with all of my being. I would do anything for him. We were friends before we were anything else. We will remain friends.

    I think about it this way… is it better to have my best friend in my life or live it without him. I think about the future and picture it without him in any capacity even if it’s not necessarily what I want it to be. It’s not one that I want. Even if all we are is best friends I would take that over not having them at all. It’s not desperation,it’s not lack of self worth. Sure I ask why I’m not what he wants but I accept that I’m not the one for him. But at the end I want him in my life.

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