Over the past year I’ve (22M) felt like some of my friends take forever to text me back, even when I see they’re online on other platforms. I’m pretty antisocial and introverted in general, so I don’t want to jump to conclusions, maybe they’re too busy to see the notification or too distracted to respond to it. Some reply back, I try to continue the conversation and then I get radio silence for days.
The reason I don’t want to immediately jump to the they don’t want to talk to me conclusion is that otherwise they’re super nice whenever they respond and even want to make plans to meet up in person one of these days.
Other friends seem to be more available to talk but they’re further away so no possibility for meet-ups.
Maybe I should be more direct and tell my local friends I want to talk in person from the get-go? I don’t know, I’ve never been good at socializing, and I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that they’re not as attached to their phones as I am.
3 comments
You do not need to be their reserve or backup friend for when there is no one else that they would rather hang out with.
I understand you want people to text you back quickly. But in order for people to text you more quickly, they have to have a strong reason to do so. That comes from the quality of interactions you have had with them in person in the past. Do you talk to these people in person ? How have your interactions been with them ? Do you ask them questions and listen to what they say ? Do you answer their questions and do so confidently ? Do you bring positive vibes to your social interactions and do you leave people with positive impressions of yourself ? People notice the way you act and carry yourself around them. They take into account your self confidence and the vibes you give off.
There are verbal and nonverbal cues that signal to people you lack confidence and give off negative vibes. These are some of the tell tale signs. One is you text people way more than they text you. You probably text them everyday (or some high frequency), when they don’t even do the same to you. You’re probably sending them paragraphs, while they are sending you one word answers or sentences. Or you’re that person that emotionally reacts and confronts people when they don’t respond to you for whatever reason. People know when you are attached to them. Remember that friendships are not codependent relationships. You need to be living a separate life outside of your friends and not be depending so much on your friends for their time, attention, validation, reassurance, or approval. The truth is people are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness, clinginess, and desperation.
People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. Do you have skills, talents, or hobbies that can impact people ? Offer to help people in some aspect of life. People respect those kinds of things. Even if you can’t directly impact people, they will still respect you because you are actively doing something in life besides just socialization. Chase excellence, not people !
It’s the same for me I see my friend posting most of the time on Instagram but it takes them hours to reply. I stopped caring about it tbh. If they don’t like me it is what it is, i don’t know what the reason could be. Just continue to be yourself.