I recently found an unexpected debit from my checking account, and upon viewing the scanned check image I have more questions than answers.
The check was signed with my parent’s name. We have the same last name, but different first name. The check had an old address on it, but the bank honored it anyway. It was written to a collection agency and was under $500.
My parent has a history of making bad money decisions, but as far as I know it has never escalated to fraud or theft. I have written checks to my parent many times over the years when they were struggling, with no repayment expected or given, so my parent would have known to just ask me for help rather than taking money without asking first.
To complicate things, my sibling and my sibling’s partner and child also live with my parent. I have reasons not to trust the sibling’s partner (drug use, violent outbursts). My spouse thinks they could have something to do with it.
I want to give my parent the benefit of the doubt, because it’s possible they thought they were writing a check from their own account. They signed their own name; they did not forge my signature to match the printed name on the check. We have both used the same bank for years, and the address on the check is one we both lived at before. So it’s possible my parent found some of my old checks while cleaning and mistakenly thought they were their own.
My spouse, though, tends toward a more pessimistic view in which either my parent intentionally used the checks despite knowing they were mine (signing their own name for “plausible deniability” if found out) or another adult in the house (sibling or sibling’s partner) forged my parent’s signature on my old check just to see if it would work or not, presumably “testing the waters” so they can write larger checks later on using the other checks left in the pad.
My spouse doesn’t really like my family and says they take advantage of me, but I feel like it’s my responsibility to help them, since I was fortunate enough to escape poverty, go to college and have a good career, while they have had physical and mental health problems and haven’t been as fortunate. My job requires a clean reputation, though, so any type of check fraud or other illegal activity traced back to my name puts my career in jeopardy.
So how should I handle this? On one hand, I want to take a “wait and see” approach in case my parent contacts me to confess when they realize their mistake. Or I could politely confront my parent now without waiting (“Hey, I noticed a check I didn’t write on my bank statement. What’s that about?”) But my spouse thinks I should skip that, assume this was not a mistake, and contact the bank immediately so they know not to honor any future checks (and maybe even close the account and open a new one, but then I would have to change all of my auto bill payments and my direct deposit, order new checks with the new account number, etc.) My spouse thinks this was an intentional breach of trust and wants me to cut ties with the family from now on.
I don’t want to damage my relationship with my family or my spouse over something that might be a simple misunderstanding, but in case it’s not just a misunderstanding and it’s actually a crime… I’m not sure how to proceed.
6 comments
I would approach your parent, ask, and see what they say. Regardless, I would close the account and go through the trouble of changing auto debits or you may wind up with no money in the account. Depending upon what your parent says, you may consider taking legal action after that.
Talk to your parents.
File a police report. Without that, the bank will NOT return your money. Talk to the bank about the situation in person. Cancel all withdrawals from the account and get all your money out of that account or any other account these people may have access to.
Then tell your parents you’ve filed a police report and see their reaction.
Call your parents after copying/printing out the check. Tell them you understand that since they signed it with their names, there was no intent to have your account charged. Ask them the easiest way for them to give you back the $500. If they hem and haw, simply tell them that you’ll then have to take the check to your back to get reimbursed by reporting fraudulent, even if in error, activity. Until that all goes down, I wouldn’t close the accounts quite yet, but be prepared to.
Move quick. Any second they have the power to drain your accounts regardless of your affiliation is extremely risky to your future(whether you decide to charge them or not).
Do not talk to your parents. Essenitally, they have mismanaged they’re money to the point they have now stolen from you to get a creditor off their back. No one remorseful commits illegal acts to combat debt. They know that they’re taking advantage and will bank on you not going to the police, in hopes that there aren’t legal repercussions. I’d go directly to your bank and file the check as fraudulent, and let them do the investigation.
Your spouse doesn’t have a pessimistic view. He doesn’t have the naive blinders on that you have. You’ll lose your job letting things like this fly. Don’t set yourself on fire.