I know I can be social and very chatty for a few hours but after a while I become exhausted talking to people. I’m also only really willing to spend one or two evenings a week with someone.
After that I’m no good to be around and I get moodier being around people for too long (I like them in short bursts).
Is there anyway to communicate this to a date without sounding crazy?
Do fellow introverts just fake it and maybe just let the new partner figure you out?
16 comments
A few hours is plenty for a date, and twice a week is plenty for a new relationship, so I wouldn’t stress. Introverts are over represented on dating apps (and dating subs) so you’ll meet plenty of people with similar vibes.
Man this sounds exactly like me. I am dating a fellow introvert and we just kinda know that we both need space. Live together now and know when the other needs breathing room. But dating was HARD
Im just up front and state I’m only willing to give away 16 hours of my free time a week. It can be in one go or split in two, I honestly don’t care which but thats all I’m offering. Why i work 3/4nights a week and I also want a life outside of work and a relationship.
I would bring it up in convo before an actual date. Sure you may risk the chance of that causing them to lose interest but it seems often times that it’s almost expected to spend most of your free time together ONCE you’ve gotten past the initial first few weeks or month or two of figuring out if it’s something that’s legit or not. I’m curious if you’ve ever been in love and/or just really crazy over someone? Just wondering if you’d want to spend more time with someone if you found yourself really into someone as opposed to just the rigmarole of dating.
Id tell them the general mechanics behind introversion and how that relates to me. It’s not something that is wrong or shameful and defines how many people work, yes? It is as valid as being extroverted. Communicate your needs in a straight-up manner!
For me, personally, there are a few people out there that can be so pleasant or energizing to be around that they wouldn’t even drain me if we were to, say, live togheter. If that is true for you as well, getting that info out there is probably a good idea, so they know that you can hang out with them often and intensely in a dedicated relationship.
I’m an extrovert who mainly has dated introverts and I’ve even dated some extreme end of the spectrum introverts who spent almost as much time with me as extroverted people. Even if they needed “space” all of them would non stop text me or constantly be in contact getting to know me. You don’t need to communicate such hard limits. You feel like you need to reset the old battery pack just say “had a nice time!” then leave. Usually other introverts get it and need a certain recharge time too. Extroverted people usually have enough peeps in their life that seeing you a limited amount isn’t going to rattle them but they might be a bigger drain depending on their level of E. A few people have been so all day long energy they drained me.
Find another introvert, and learn to do things “separately together”. meaning you can be around them, doing your won thing and have it not drain your social battery. Look into why you get frustrated with people. is it because you are acting like someone that you normally wouldn’t? try being more yourself and how you want to be, you may find that the drain comes from expectation rather than reality.
My girlfriend is an introvert, and I’m an extrovert. Although she often likes to refer to me as an “introvert’s extrovert” (or sometimes she calls me her “emotional support extrovert,” which I think is hilarious). By that, I think she means that while I respect her need for quiet alone time, I can also — when we’re at parties or with groups of people — gradually help her get comfortable enough to enjoy herself and let her guard down. So I guess what I’m saying is… try to find your own emotional support extrovert? I dunno.
Date other introverts. Communicate your preferences.
Assuming you’re looking for a serious relationship I think communicating that you’re ideal lifestyle involves seeing your partner once or twice a week is a pretty notable thing to include.
Find someone who loves to talk, plenty of talkers like quiet people, you’ll come across as mysterious.
Get really clear on your limits and when a date asks you to do something beyond your limits, just tell them. It’s not a big deal and the extremely extroverts will just move on.
Date: “wanna go out Saturday?”
You: “I’d love to see you next week. I need to recharge alone this weekend first.”
For me I limit hours on the apps (1 hr in the mornings and evenings), number of dates per week (3 first dates or 2 subsequent dates), and my availability for first dates (2 hr window in the evenings).
I probably get the most pushback on not doing first dates at 9 pm but nightowls aren’t my people anyway.
I am introvert, my bf is an extrovert. I think we balance each other out. I don’t find his company draining at all. We can sit in comfortable silence. I think look for someone that doesn’t drain you. And is quite understanding about not wanting to go out. Will happy do so by themselves. But will support you when you do go out.
A few hours is plenty, 1-2 times per week is plenty. Just keep looking until you find “your person,” don’t feel the need to change your personality to match your date’s personality. Plenty of people way more introverted than you are in happy relationships.
Thank you for not using introvert as a code word for shy.
Personally especially as you get older, you’ll find that most people, no matter where they are on the introversion / extroversion spectrum need recharge time too.
Just communicate your recharge time needs. It’s fine.
Me: Extrovert with a lot of introvert friends and has also dated introverts.
I’d describe myself as introverted but I’ve been told women (introverted or extroverted) vastly prefer an extroverted partner. So I basically just suppress any introverted tendencies I have in order to appear as extroverted as possible. Although I never get ‘moody’, so my viewpoint may be different than yours.