Former “weak” men of Reddit, how did you change your life?

10 comments

1. By focusing on what I can do and drawing confidence from that. I did 3 days on the Appalachian Trail, I can do this task in front of me. I can take beautiful pictures with a camera, I can figure this out. It doesn’t matter if what I’m confident in has nothing to do with what’s in front of me. I can do that thing, I can do this thing as well. From the confidence comes strength, the strength to use that strength that was already there. Yes, sometimes I’m still self depreciating. But now it’s an obvious joke instead of hiding any kernels of truth I may have felt.

2. Therapy and self acceptance. Stop perceiving yourself as “weak” and start focusing on your strengths. Challenge negative thoughts towards yourself, our loudest critics are often the ones inside our own heads. Don’t focus on what a “better” man is but instead identify your values/morals and strive to live by them each and everyday, then becoming a better person will happen as a byproduct. Hold yourself accountable for your actions and decisions but don’t beat yourself up.

3. You 10 minutes to spare? Cool. Turn off the lights, lay on your back and keep your eyes open. Stare into the darkness, for now dont think about anything. Then ask yourself, what makes me weak? Dont race the answer, it will come to you. It might be “i never stood for myself when i was a kid and thus it created a reaction that resulted in me being fearful of confrontation” it might be anything. That is your answer and training that you must undergo inorder to overcome. Lets imagine you’re afriad of fighting or you have anxiety when someone yells. Then expose yourself to that kind of fear everyday. Train martial arts, constantly challenge your comfort zone and prove to yourself that its all in your head.
   Lets imagine you had a child say “i’m afraid of the dark” how can you make him overcome this fear? It certainly wont be through words like “you’re so strong buddy you can do it” those things sound nice but in reality it rarely works. What the kid needs is exposure to the very fear. Maybe have him sleep in your room at first then alone with lights on then a light lamp. Then again in your room but without a light then alone and so on. The trick is exposure at tolerable levels. Its a marathon not a race. It took you years to tag yourself as weak, fearful, and such so its a long road. But be mindful, do something, seek help and know that you’re not alone.

4. Idk if I fit this question perfectly but I did grow up pretty timed and shy and did not have many friends in HS – I surly wasn’t popular. This changed when I just started putting myself out there more. I would look at something and see someone doing it and I would say “well if they can do it then so can I.” After a couple successes you start to grow in your confidence and it compounds from there. You just have to start small and develop that mindset of “this is possible for me”.

   It’s like what a former Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher said:

   “Do not think that what is hard for you to master
   is humanly impossible; and if it is humanly possible, consider it to be
   within your reach.”

5. I had extreme social anxiety and depression officially diagnozed by doctors. At 25yo I travelled to a completely different, third world country where I had to do some life threatening stuff. Of course, I didn’t know the local language. I was living there for 6 months. I haven’t feel anxiety at all since I got back. I’m not stressed about job interviews, dates, public speaking etc. Sometimes it is a disadvantage because stress can be motivating to prepare better. I feel I was more productive when I had social anxiety actually.

   Therapies and medicines didn’t help and I was trying them for about 10 years.

6. By following more confident men on social media. Watching videos and educating myself. Doing things that would normally scared me, but is good for me. I have to prove that I can do then I get a boost of confidence. And then it just adds on when I keep doing the hard things.

7. All great suggestions, and I always suggest: learn to fight. It’s a tremendous boost to confidence knowing you can handle yourself.

8. Started listening to the top G

9. By stop giving a fuck about what people think.

10. I consistently put myself in situations that make me uncomfortable. I still wouldn’t call myself strong, but I think I’m getting more capable