So let me explain…we met on a dating app, went on 1 date, I realized there were some dealbreakers for me and we wouldn’t work out. So I shared this with him and he understood and agreed, yet we decided to be friends.
We have been seeing each other as friends for a few months, established boundaries and had good communication about boundaries…now he has confessed he has feelings for me. I asked him to clarify if it’s just a physical attraction or more than that, he says “he wants to make me happy and laugh, and he feels happy when he’s with me or talking with me”. It was very sweet and I feel honored for him to like me in this way, but we simply cannot work long term in a relationship due to some dealbreakers. Dealbreakers being I do not want to have premarital sex due to personal values, he would want to have premarital sex..I will also be moving back to my home country in a year, he will likely stay here. Aside from those dealbreakers, we get along really well, he makes me feel safe and comfortable, I am attracted to him but I have kept my feelings at bay, however now I am very confused now.
He made it clear that he wants to continue being friends since he also is aware we wouldn’t work long term or be healthy partners to each other. I feel like if I continue being friends with him he will begin to resent me for not being more to him. Or I will begin to resent him for feeling like I need to give more when I can’t.
I want to be selfish and continue “being friends” but I know this will likely hurt both of us in the end. Cutting ties now will also be painful for both of us…
I don’t want that to happen I just want us to be friends, but can we still be friends after this?
TL;DR: My guy friend says he can just stay friends after confessing
2 comments
Sometimes staying friends despite unrequited interest can work out. I had it work out fine with a friend and I ended up standing beside him in the wedding party when he married someone it did work out with. I am fairly sure he has thoroughly moved on from his interest in me. So, I would say, do not give any more than you are comfortable with, and see if it works. If it doesn’t, then you two can always split up later. And you will move away in the not too distant future anyway.
It was so courageous and mature of him to tell you; I would trust that your friend knows his own mind and feelings and that he means it when he says you can continue being friends. I wouldn’t decide in advance that he will resent you if he doesn’t behave like he resents you. His feelings will probably eventually pass, and your friendship will hopefully remain.