Hi all, here’s what happened.
2 nights ago, a female friend (F29) and I (M29) kissed. It was 4 am and we were drunk (not excuses, just context). She has a long term BF (M31). They’ve been going out for several years (I think 4 years), and have a flat together. He’s not a particularly a friend – I don’t know him well and I don’t have his number. But because he’s going out with her, he’s part of our friendship group.
More context: she and I used to hook up years ago. Plus, a couple of years ago, we similarly kissed, while they were actually going out. She naturally felt terrible and told him. But he forgave her and they moved on.
In short, I feel completely terrible about this stupid, selfish fuck up, and I’m terrified it causes their relationship to end. Given we previously kissed, and she told him then, it seems she’ll probably tell him this time. And forgiving that another time does not seem likely, considering it is now the 2nd time.
If they break up, I will struggle to forgive myself. They have a full on, adult life together. Them breaking up will also have a negative effect on my wider friendship circle.
I’m trying to work out what to do. Ideally (and unrealistically), it can be forgotten, they can continue their life, and I can do some deep work on myself as an idiot human being – so that it never happens again. She and I haven’t spoken, so I don’t know where her head is at. She might have already told him and in that case, this post is meaningless anyway.
What do you think I should do next?
TL;DR: I’m terrified a friends long-term relationship with her BF could be in jeopardy after I had a drunken kiss with her.
3 comments
There isn’t much you can do. But I would refrain from drinking much alcohol around her again. Beyond that, you wait to hear what happens. And whether she wants to break contact with you or not. On a side note though, while what you did was not good, what she did was worse. She was the one with a promise to keep. So, don’t take all of the guilt for this. But you are correct to see it as a bad action of yours, and one to work on self-improvement so you do not do something similar again in the future.
Sounds like she probably wants to break up with him on some level, but doesn’t have the guts to be the one to pull the trigger. They may seem like they have a happy adult life, but clearly they don’t.
This is why many people don’t like their SO hang around exes.
You should block her, don’t hang or drink with her while she is in a relationship.