the other day i was in kind of in a negative place mentally when my boss whose known me for like 2 days asked me “you dont talk much, do you?” i changed the subject as i acted like i didnt hear him but coincidentally had something i needed to ask him. i do this because answering that is kind of a weird phenomenom where you find yourself apologizing for being quiet and come off as pathetic. a little while later we’re both on the line and things are slow and i decide to open up. i tell him about how i had to walk to work in the rain. how i gotta renew my lease soon. he didnt care and started a conversation with another coworker midway thru me talking to him. i decided to try a different angle so i asked him about something he mentioned earlier. he said hes writing a book and the characters are based on employees old and current. he answered with short answers and seemed dismissive so i went back to being quiet. i just dont know what to do. i have good reason to be sad, dont i. i have good reason to be quiet, dont i. it seems like in situations like these neither option is desirable only one is the lesser of two evils. i feel like now more than ever i just gotta be unapologetically me.
3 comments
It sounds like you feel guilty for being quiet and/or want to be friends with your boss and/or want him to like you. I say just do you. If you’re quiet it, own it without apology. And don’t feel the need to be friends with your boss or to try to make him like you. All you need is for him to let you do your job and pay you. The rest is extraneous.
It’s possible he doesn’t care about your personal problems or excuses, he’s just annoyed that you’re not being a good team member by not socially integrating well enough in his eyes. Bosses generally just want you to do the work and will not care about your life issues. Him asking why you are quiet may have been a non-confrontational way of telling that he thinks you’re being too quiet. He was offering gentle criticism as a professional, I’m other words, and was not offering an invitation for you to treat him like your therapist.
In my experiences, what I’ve found is that some loud/talkative/extroverted people find offense in quiet people being able to be comfortable in silence. They always need someone to talk to or pay them even the slightest attention so being around someone quiet makes them feel extremely uncomfortable or awkward. Your boss might be the same way. You absolutely did nothing wrong, you just have a bit of a jerk for a boss.