She’s my best buddy, and I’ve talked about this to her a lot of times, I don’t really have any problem waiting for her. But recently, we catch a train with another one of my college buddies, and we’ve missed an empty train too many times, having to go in a crowded one without any space ro sit, when we could’ve just easily caught the previous one. This college buddy of mine comes prepared and even I come like 10 minutes prior to our scheduled ride but my friend ends up being late.
I know her, I even get tickets for her, I have no problem waiting for her, and everytime I do, but I’m not that much of a socially skilled person to each time convince my college buddy to give up the train. And I really wanna go with both of them, it’s the first time that I’m part of a group in my college and if she’s just a little bit early, everything would be nice, how do I tell her that really coolly because I really don’t want that to be a confrontation. She’s really apologetic always and always considerate with other people which just makes it hard to do anything about it I guess?
So what should I do? How should I tell her?
10 comments
Surround the constructive criticism with compliments and affirmations of mutual respect and focus on the future, not the past. She’ll know that you are just trying to help her not attack her.
Just tell her to get there earlier so you can catch the empty train. If that’s an option for her and she really is your friend it should be no issue.
Tell her to meet you an amount of time earlier to ensure that she’ll be on time. For example, if she’s typically 45 mins late, ask her to be there 45 mins before you actually will be taking the train. Or say you’re taking the train that is 2 trains before the crowded one. (Assuming the schedule is hourly or less). If you miss the first because she’s tardy, the second (ideal train) will be coming along.
Take the first train. Tell her you’ll meet her there.
“Can you please be on time because when you’re not, you’re putting me in an uncomfortable position” worked for me 😅 im lazy and have bad time management, but I love and respect my friends and don’t want to do that to them
reminds me of tyler’s new song “come on let’s go”
Just go without her. She does itbecause she knows you’ll wait. If you start showing that you value your own time, she probably will too. If not, her loss.
I have a friend like that. You have to set boundaries. I’d get on the empty train. Obviously your friend isn’t considerate of others
I’m this friend.
I hate it. I always feel so embarrassed and ashamed. Yet, no matter what I try, I can’t seem to shake this part of me permanently.
I have been diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD. These aren’t excuses for my actions, but they help explain them. I’m often blind to time due to ADHD. I severely over or under estimate how long it takes me to get ready for something or walk somewhere. Sometimes due to PTSD, I don’t sleep well despite heading to bed at a reasonable time, thus I am late to things because I oversleep or try to sneak in a nap. Other times, I just feel anxious, depressed, unmotivated, etc. and those are enough to slow me down.
As this person, trust me, we are well aware that we are the late friend. Sometimes I play it off as nbd as a coping mechanism, because if I let myself feel bad about it, it’ll eat me up.
Although your friend probably doesn’t have the same disorders as I do, there’s likely something else happening other than “my friends and their time mean nothing to me.”
Approach this from a place of compassion and work with her to figure out new strategies. You can offer to get ready with her and walk to the train together one or two times so she can learn how early she really needs to leave. You can send her a quick text letting her know that she should be leaving in x minutes. You can maybe schedule to meet somewhere beforehand to grab a quick snack so that gives her some flexibility. You can ask her how you can help her be more on time or if there’s anything that is causing her to struggle with this.
By no means coddle her, she also has to learn how to do these things on her own. But it never hurts to lend a helping hand. We all struggle with different things.
If she was considerate she wouldn’t always be late knowing others are waiting on her. Make plans and stick to them. She misses it then she alone misses it or tell her an earlier time. I know life happens sometimes but not everytime. Quit being so caring of others feelings if they not so of yours.