Relationship ending?

Hello everyone.

Tldr: After 12 years of relationship my wife can’t seem to trust me anymore and we can’t go a day without an argument, when should we say enough if we should?

I come asking for advices on my relationship for the first time in my life, I’m using a throwaway for privacy issues, hope you understand, I’ll try to be as clear as I can, even though it’s going to be a long one. 

So I (30M) have been with my wife (33F) for 12 years now, a long run. We are not married officially but we consider ourselves as much.

We’ve grown from teens to adults together, been there for each other, gone through some rough paths as all couples do, but we kept it together. We’ve been living together for 7 years now and bought a house 2 years ago. I’m a project manager and she’s a secretary we have 2 cats, live comfortable money wise but not luxurious (especially on this inflation spiral).

We’ve always had a quite life, neither of us are party animals, have 1000 friends or followers on Instagram, I have a small circle of close friends/couples, she has a few. I’m way more social then she is and I’m always on front of the relationship when problems arise or need solving (buying this house was done all by me). Since I’m a project manager and deal with clients I also tend to interact a lot more often with different people, even tough for the last 9 months (this year) I’ve been a office rat.

Like I said, we’ve had our discussions over the years, normal stuff. However for the past 3 months it’s been hell to us. We are on a breaking point (both of us) and I’m not sure what’s right or wrong or what to do.

3 months around we had a big argument, it all started with me doing some plumbing that needed to be done, the job going terribly wrong, flooding part of a kitchen cabinet and she being worried about lunch and that it was delayed while I was worried about saving the furniture. I got a little heated, shouted, apologised but the damage was done, the spark was done, this was the small trigger that started this descent.

Afterwards constant discussions, not just regarding this incident (which I apologised for, should haver never shouted) but about everything and past stuff. One day I came home and she wanted access to my smartphone because she knew I had a lover. I do not, I have alway been faithful, I don’t have female friends (I really don’t). I gave her, she found nothing.

She then asked access to my personal bank account, this time I asked why, she got furious saying that I never should have just given her access. I gave her, she spent one week going trough my bank details, asking me for efing purchases of 2$ done 9 months ago that I, of course didn’t remember. She said it was stuff for my lover!

After came the “where are you?” mind you my life is quite boring as of the pandemic, I do home-work-home about 90% of the days, don’t go to pubs daily, even on weekends I’m always with her and when we go out we go as a couple and with couples. I suggested sharing ou location on google. She then proceeded to question me on my routes to work. I have a bike and a car, take different routes depending on which I use. She says I switch to see my lover. Last weeks she comes to my workplace to scout! Ofc I see it because of the shared location… She says she can do whatever she wants, I agree but see no interest since I’m on the effing office! But last week she’s seen a blonde in a fiat passing by at 5:50PM… I work in a busy place, lots of offices, must be someone who works here but I’ve never seen a fiat as that.

And when she has 0 arguments the past comes by, “that one time you spoke to a girl…” “that one time you went to an all night with your friends…” “that one business trip…” all things I must have done ofc but was never unfaithful and she always knew where and with whom I was meeting come back to be an argument.

And then it all boils down to a question. Kids? When? She wants them, she pressures me to rush into them but now it’s not the time with all the economic crisis that’s upon us and since we are middle class we will 0 support from the government and will be the most affected by this. She says it’s ok, but when I say “ok let’s save 1 year of savings on an account, no going out, no holidays, no new cloths” she freaks.

I seriously need an opinion on what’s going on, this person has been a part of my life for 12 years, I love her, when this started I said to myself and her we’ll get over it, but after 3 months of constant discussions and struggles and every new week a new problem I’m starting to get tired, physically and psychologically. I don’t want things to break up, we have a house, cats, a lifetime ahead but this is going nowhere. When will the final moments be? When will I say enough? Should I say enough today?

So lost right now, any opinion would be great. Sorry for the long vent, think I needed it!