I (22m) am struggling with sex and I think it’s because of anxiety. The last few times myself and my partner have attempted to have sex, it hasn’t advanced past foreplay because I end up cumming from her stroking my dick while I’m fingering her.
It is EXTREMELY frustrating because every time it has happened, I go through the routine of staying optimistic in the beginning, staying focused as we get going, and losing all hope as I’m trying not to climax prematurely.
I used to be the type of guy who would shut down and become inconsolable when I’d cum prematurely, back when it didn’t happen frequently. I have since made efforts to improve my attitude around it, and I personally feel like I can handle it a lot better these days, however the frustration is still there.
My partner has been extremely kind to me about it, which is so helpful, but it’s been very difficult to keep a positive attitude about it. I may very well be overthinking this. My partner says its because we don’t have sex frequently enough and I’m inclined to believe her but I’d be lying to you if I said my confidence isn’t shaken.
This has been happening so much recently, I can barely remember the last time we had piv. The idea of attempting sex more frequently sounds good on the surface, but I’m honestly terrified at the thought of that, as I can only forsee myself cumming prematurely numerous times.
I am aware that even thinking this is setting myself up for failure, but this is getting so bad, that I’d honestly rather not have sex than risk this happening again. I really do want to have sex and I know that this isn’t the worst thing to happen, but I am so frustrated, almost to the point of tears.
Tldr; I have been cumming prematurely during foreplay, my confidence is shaken to the point where I’d honestly rather not have sex right now.
4 comments
I am sorry to hear you are going through this. As you pointed out, it sounds like you are in your own head a lot and letting that get in the way of the enjoyment. Instead of feeling it is the end after you cum, have you ever tried continuing with the foreplay or pleasing your partner? You may or may not get hard again, but it would most likely be an enjoyable experience for your partner. Sounds like she is understanding and would be game for it if she wants to do it more often. I can usually get hard again just by playing with my partner, also gives me more stamina to last longer before the second release. Although, if getting hard again doesn’t happen right away that would be okay as well. While you are working through your issues you can help your partner continue to experience intimacy with you. A great way to get out of your own head is to breath… relax… and focus on your partner’s pleasure.
First of all, you’re not alone. It happens to a lot of guys. I myself have had it happen to me.
There are a few things you can try. Focus on her and giving her foreplay. Try to give her an orgasm before anything is done on you. Giving a woman an orgasm has always been a huge confidence boost for me.
You can also try masturbating before meeting. Usually it will take longer to get to the 2nd orgasm.
Try to relax and enjoy the experience. Don’t focus on the orgasm. Sex does not have to end at the first orgasm, or any orgasm for that matter.
Ultimately, I believe your partner is correct. The more you have sex the more you’ll gain control and relax.
As you rightly put it, **we don’t have sex frequently enough**, Sometimes ejaculating too quickly is due to the fact that you’re all riled up and haven’t ejaculated recently, which means your prostate is fully engorged. When it’s been a while since you last ejaculated, the slightest touch, lick, or thrust can set you off (literally).
If you masturbate close to when you know you’re going to have sex, you’re essentially having sex a second time, which means it will take a little longer to climax.
Caution: Practice the appropriate timing in between sessions because the last thing you want is to then not be able to perform at all.
If you notice you’re still having issues with PE even when masturbating beforehand then [this guide](https://366sexhacks.wordpress.com/2022/08/05/ejaculation/) has a nicely detailed road map drawn for you on other things you can try out.
You have tried jerking off a few hours before sex? Or the morning of?