What’s it like to be in a relationship with an emotionally stable, happy partner?

40 comments

  8. Amazing. We met our senior year in high school and can’t imagine life without her. Been together over 5 years and I feel lucky to have found my partner so early

  9. Divorcee from an emotionally manipulative partner here. I have found the person you describe and it has been amazing. It took me spending nearly a decade with a person who was tough to be around to appreciate the way my new partner treats me.

    So, first things first: Emotional stability is relative and it starts with *you*. No one is happy all the time, there is no real definition of stable, and it’s more about having compatible emotional swings than not having emotional swings.

    However, when you find someone that has themselves pretty well put together and can regulate their emotions themselves, it’s really nice.

    In a single sentence, it’s the difference between a partner who *creates* problems in your life and a partner who *helps solve* problems with you.

    On that note, lots of people need to swallow a bitter pill. If every partner of yours is emotionally erratic and unhappy, it’s time to look in the mirror and ask yourself why you’re attracted to these kinds of people and why you allow yourself to settle for that treatment.

    Finding a healthy relationship requires being the kind of person other emotionally self-aware and stable people want to be around. That means knowing yourself well, understanding your trauma and triggers, and not being a selfish partner. That takes time and effort. It takes maturity and learning important skills like intentional listening.

    Hope that helps!

  11. He was a depressed mess when we met, basically a rescue, but stable. Seek out consistency and kindness, happiness you can bring

    But these days he’s stable AND happy and it affirms to me that having a mate is basically life purpose

  14. It feels like being emotionally stable and happy, which is heaven. I adore my wife. I constantly find myself in situations where I’m giving relationship advice because everyone thinks my wife is perfect. I think I’m more lucky than deserving, though.

  17. Really nice. I’m starting to feel less anxious after a year and a half. He’s not going to turn. He’s just normal and cool.

  18. Peaceful. Last partner would pick a fight five nights a week.

    My now wife and I have had a couple heavy conversations, but no real fights or bickering. Been together six years. (Ok maybe a little bickering recently, but she’s pregnant and it only happens when we’re both hungry.)

    Just gotta find the right one. Definitely took time. Didn’t get married until I was 34, but it was worth the wait.

  24. Who are these emotional stable people you speak of? I’ve never met one. Not sure they exist. Everyone is fked up in their own way.

  26. It starts with you being emotionally stable and happy. An emotionally stable and happy person doesn’t want to be with someone who isn’t those things.

  28. I’ve been married 27 years. It’s a base upon which you can write the other chapters of your life together: 1) planning for the future, 2) financial stability, 3) children, 4) travel, and 5) eventual grandkids and retirement. In a nutshell, you can look to the horizons, and not under the bed for another man’s shoes.

  31. There are always problems and compromises whenever you are dealing another person but it’s good, overall. A relationship with someone who is healthy and mature is really the only kind of relationship that makes your life better. This also requires that you are healthy and mature. If either party doesn’t meet this criteria, the relationship will be a disaster that makes both people’s lives worse.

  35. Overall I would like to say I have a great marriage. My wife and I have been together 15 years, married 3, we still laugh, have fun, have sex and are happy (at least that’s what she tells me). We have been trying for kids but haven’t been lucky yet, but to me its a case of what will be will be, but I know she wants them so we will wait and see.

    I am lucky that my wife is very laid back. She is not too much of a nag, she encourages me to see my friends and is confident/independent. I think this is key and something that I’ve had to improve on due to my own personal trust issues and insecurities but I’m definitely much better.

    We like our own space and social lives but we also still enjoy date nights and quiet nights in. She has a great relationship with my family and I with hers.

    Is my relationship perfect? No. Absolutely not. Nothing is perfect and if it is then there’s probably something wrong beneath the surface. We bicker about silly things, we’ve been through a lot of really difficult times where trust has been tested and so on but we’ve worked at it and I’d say we are probably stronger now than we’ve ever been. We have been together since I was 18 and she was 16 so have both completely changed and grown. I like to think we have learned both good qualities from each other. I am definitely more confident and socialable because of her and she has mellowed more because of me.

    Who knows what is around the corner, I just hope we get to spend many more happy years together.

  36. It is hard to beat. Simply enjoying life, not wasting time on drama. When we get emotional about things, we know when to shut up and console, we know when to switch into problem solving mode. Not to dissuade anyone from the potential value of therapy, but someone that knows you that well can be the best mirror. Someone to reflect hypotheses about what you might not realize you are getting stuck on, and do it in a non-judgmental way.

    In the end, my wife and I have made each other better people. We build on strengths. We erode weaknesses lovingly and patiently.

  37. I can’t remember having a girlfriend that wasn’t like that.

    I’d like to ask the opposite question. Must be a drag .. why not just look for someone stable?

  39. It’s great and how life should be.

    I highly recommend that you simply red flag people that have mental issues and/or are not emotionally stable. Life is too short to deal with that bullshit.

  40. ngl it’s fucking awesome.

    you know that nice, relaxing feeling you get when you come home from a long day? it’s now a person that can travel 😛

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