I’m (45m) in Canada and I spent the weekend with my wife and daughter at my parents country home (with them) and I’m confused and disheartened. I don’t know who those people are anymore. It’s like they’ve moved from slightly left, to far right. During Covid we had a strained relationship as we took the advise of government and medical professionals and limited exposure to people outside our home. My parents distrust government and thought that were stupid to worry about Covid. On Mother’s Day 2020, at the start of Covid they invited us into their home and we politely said we would not be coming in. They told us to leave. We didn’t speak for over a year. Only after my grandfather died in 2021 did we repair our relationship. Now I’m discovering how their beliefs have morphed.
Here is a list of things I found out that my parents now believe:
– after 30 years of being vegan/vegetarian they now eat meat, fish, eggs and dairy (my wife and I are vegans)
– all carbs are evil
– don’t believe that humans evolved from other apes
– Russia wants to negotiate with Ukraine but because of US meddling Ukraine chooses to prolong the war (blaming Ukraine and the US)
– the earth is flat / NASA is evil
– reiki works
– I saw them watching Sean Hannity online
– they spout a ton of right wing / Fox talking points about Biden. I mentioned something about Trump and they said “ but Biden…” (whataboutisim)
– they are anti-Covid vaccine
– anti Trudeau to the extreme. “He should be hung for his crimes”
– evil globalist elites are messing up the world economy.
– American government is trying to take guns away from its citizens (they have never owned or shot guns in their life)
– doctors and scientists cannot be trusted
– naturopathy works
– (I’m sure this list could be a lot longer but I’m afraid to ask)
I knew from before but ignored it:
– contrails are government method of lowering human intelligence
– didn’t want us to vaccine our daughter when she was a baby (but now claim they aren’t anti-vac they just are anti covid vaccines)
– Illuminati and the Masons are secretly running the world
– 911 was an inside job
– Fauci is evil
– Dr Burzynski has the cure for cancer but is being suppressed by big pharma.
My parents left a communist country before I was born, and their distrust for the official message has left them to questioning everything from mainstream media (now except from right of centre media). They used to be left of centre (when I used to live with them 20 years ago) but ever since they’ve had an easy access to the internet my parents have progressively gone deeper down the rabbit hole. My parents were never religious, but they were new age spiritual types. They were liberal in their views. Now I hardly recognize these people that raised me. I actively steer any conversation to only surface level topics as I don’t want to get angry and diminish my relationship with them.
I’ve had conversations about skepticism in the past, but it fell on deaf ears. They are hyper sensitive to criticism or dissenting options. I don’t know where to go from here. I love them, but I feel more that I loved the people they used to be, not the people they’ve become.
14 comments
I mean it’s their belief so I don’t know why you’re so bothered by it. People change for better or worse so all we can do is to acknowledge it.
I’m sorry this is happening to you.
Unfortunately this looks like it’s becoming more and more common. Or at least people are talking about it more. It sounds like your parents have always been a bit susceptible to conspiracy theories and the like but recent events have had those thoughts completely spiral.
I think there’s a few choices: You could try to change their views but if you’ve already gone through a not-talking period over things I don’t know how successful you’d be. You could also distance yourself partially or entirely from them and just move on.
Or you can do what I do with my parents and try your best to distance yourself from those parts but still try to maintain somewhat of a relationship with them. It’s difficult but in my situation I think it’s the best relationship with them I’m gonna get. Ignorance can be bliss sometimes.
Dude, I feel your pain. It is hard to love someone who is being hateful, and some of the things you listed *are* hateful. You might get something out of /r/qanoncasualties (if I am not misspelling it), though I find it incredibly depressing.
One small thing that helped me with my similar family member: I made it a point to send positive and uplifting things to that member. Ninety percent of what I sent was neutral, but included in there were things like <member of demonized group> being positive or uplifting or a positive spin on something they hate. They liked most of what I sent, and they didn’t want it to stop (older person less comfortable online than me), so they didn’t complain about my little positive, counter-to-their-beliefs, inclusions. I have noticed either a more inclusive stance, or them going out of their way to present a more-inclusive stance to me. I will take either one as a win. I know this sounds trivial, but over two years, it has made a difference for me.
Well, they did get one right.
* evil globalist elites are messing up the world economy.
That’s not really a conspiracy theory, that’s a fact.
Putin is one of the richest men in Russia, and he’s making a fortune while losing the war – the record-high oil and gas prices are inflating his portfolio, as well as the weapons systems that the Russian military is buying / building. He himself will probably not live long enough to really enjoy the billions of dollars (he’s obviously suffering from some degenerative disease now), but his mistress and children are living a very comfortable life in Switzerland.
The US, Canada, Europe, Russia, China — all of these countries are controlled by a very small number of people. In Europe, about 10 people/families control more assets (money and property) than 50% of the population (323 million people).
You know it’s ok for people to have different beliefs right? Like their entire being doesn’t evolve around being a parent.
I feel your pain. I’m from Canada as well and my uncle and his wife got into the exact same stuff your parents got into, right down to carbs being evil. They’ve also started talking about gun rights a lot for people who have never shot a gun in their lives. They ended up moving to a farm in BC without telling anyone and now they work and live on the farm and just send relatives random conspiracy things. I don’t have a whole lot of advice, but I do understand how disheartening it is.
Honestly, my family is the same. It fucking sucks. Absolutely sucks.
Yikes!
A few of my family members have gone down these rabbit holes too except with some of them it pre-dates the pandemic all the way back to the rise of the Tea Party. It’s messed up how well insulated they can be from reality and how vigourously they will argue anything that counters what they have been told.
Basically what has happened is that they have been radicalized and the tools for cult deprogramming or political and religious radicalization are what’s required to approach this. Some people may [advocate for a gentler approach](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2021-10-14/how-to-deradicalize-extremists-parents-for-peace-on-aa-style-interventions) while others may insist on stronger boundaries or strict no contact. My family members are still eyeball deep in their conservative fairy tale world of Fox (US) and Sun (Can.) news and Facebook posts, so where things are on my end is somewhere between NC and grey rock and probably not going to get better any time soon unless there is a family intervention.
I am 33F Canadian, my older Sister and BIL are like this and some of the things they say are honestly a bit shocking where it just stuns me and I don’t know what to say. All of the stereotypical things they wholeheartedly believe in some of the things mentioned above and things like like Bill Gates is putting microchips in the vaccines, the public school system is brainwashing kids to be gay, like you name it and they are there for it, and it seems like every conversation evolves around that to the point where it feels like this is their new religion.
For example, I just called and asked my sister how she was doing this weekend and said she canned 70 jars of pears because there will be a food shortage and the world is coming to an end this winter. I have learned that it’s best to respond with something positive, like “I’m glad you are doing something to keep your family safe and doing something that gives you hope” and typically she responds positively.
We are a Christian family and I told her that if she focuses on politics more than God than it’s idol worship, that tends to make her smarten up a bit too. It’s tough but I guess try to find the easy wins and keep it positive wherever you can.
Yeah my mom is doing the same.
This has been one of the hardest things for me to wrap my head around since covid hit us & half the world lost their entire fucking minds.
I don’t have any good answers for you, but I’ve become comfortable saying things like “Oh man, I’m tired of hearing about all that shit, let’s talk about something else”.
Wow do we have the same parents?? Mine are exactly the same and it makes me sad how much I’ve seen their views change especially in the past few years since Covid
I know this is weird, but it can be someone new in their lives that has spewed all this rhetoric to them. I had this issue with a few older relatives that for whatever reason began to change life long views because of a new influence in their life. Cult like you know. My experience was with a church pastor just straight manipulating his older members, but my relative could not see it. I don’t know if it’s old age where once their convinced of something their is no going back, I’m not sure.