Men of Reddit, how do approach big income gaps between you and your partner when you are the one making less?

22 comments

1. If you really want them in your life. It doesn’t matter.

2. I pay half or proportional to my income, whichever is more.

3. Depends on the person and if they make it into an issue. I’ve had three short terms where this was the case and it never caused an issue in any of those situations. But none of those partners made a problem of it or expected me to be able to keep up with their spending.

   I’ve also met lots of women who won’t date men under their own income level. My income level is high enough I usually make the cut-off but its still a general turn-off for me if I find out that is going on regardless. Probably because I don’t judge potential partners based on their income levels on my end.

4. I make less than my fiancée. We both make a good amount but she makes almost double what i do, and is currently in gradschool and will likely make nearly triple once she graduates.

   Personally I don’t really mind. I know that while she makes more than I do, she also spends more than I do. And I also know that while i’m not the primary earner, i do a lot of things that also add a lot of value to the relationship.

5. There’s nothing emasculating about not earning as much as your significant other. Your contribution to the relationship shouldn’t be limited to your financial income.

6. I feel like it would depend on the person you are dating.

   Are they financially stable and don’t blow all their money on random shit? Perfect.

   Are they someone that expects you to match their lifestyle/living expenses and has expensive tastes? Fuck that.

7. Id expect her to let me live in accordance with my financial capacity, otherwise she’s got to hook it up

8. There was a point in our relationship when she made more than me (we both made well into 6 figures). I could tell she was a little bothered by it and I wasn’t too excited about it either. But neither of us brought it up too often. However that motivated me to make more so before I knew it, I ended up making quite a bit more

9. It matters? I celebrate my wife’s career and her success. We keep separate accounts so I have no real idea what she’s pulling but I know it’s at least twice what I make. We chose our careers a decade ago. I was dumb and chose a shitty career.

10. I’ve never cared what kind of money my past girlfriends or wife make. That said, I’ve always made more.

    I don’t think I’d have a problem if they did, so long as she wasn’t being weird about it. I think most women who make more than me AND meet the physical standards can probably pull a higher caliber dude though.

11. If she’s making more than 20% more than I do, then I find it emasculating and I think there’s something wrong. Less than that, and it might just be a difference in when we took the job, or what job we took when it was offered, or other things like that.

    It’s a situation where there’s a definite difference in earning power and earning potential, versus the sort of choices in career we might have made.

12. My relationship with my wife has gone back and forth over the years. She startout making a lot more and this didn’t really bother me unless we went out to a place I could not afford. My solution was to be very up front about what I could and couldn’t afford when planning. overall, I didn’t really have an issue

13. The question should be why is this any different for men than it is for women? Relationships are a partnership where both work consistently to grow and contribute on a daily basis. If I make a little bit less money than my partner, but I make sure that laundry, dinner, cleaning up around the house, and taking care of the animals and other things are something that I do to show them appreciation for how hard they work and what they contribute to our quality of life, The Niam providing value to the relationship that is not monetary. I think that we end up sacrificing so much that we can gain from a functioning partnership when the main focus is on earning potential. Earning potential will often turn into a stressful job and put a dampening on a relationship. Life is about balance and making sure that all aspects are taken care of. While not losing that passion and love for your partner.

14. In my experience, the women are always the ones that leave in this situation. They say they are cool with it but actually want a guy that makes more.

15. At one point in my life, the Mrs was making double what I was earning. Didn’t matter in the least cause income is income and our quality of life was better for it.

16. I try to make more before the wage gap countdown ends. If that’s not possible I prepare for the breakup.

17. Sometimes I’m a bit insecure, but talking helps with her I mean. As long as she’s fine with it so am I.

18. You’re the woman?

19. My wife and I have always pooled our money. We knew what we each made but it did not matter she had the access to it all…as did I. We allotted an amount for each of us during the month for mad money.

20. Providing she pays for her fair share and doesn’t expect me to contribute more of my share because I’m a man and therefore a “provider”, I couldn’t care less.

21. I was earning 100%, but my wife recently started a full-time job. We decided to split expenses based on percentages. She’s contributing to our household finances, but still has plenty of her own spending money.

22. Fuck I love it. I use to be the More for 16 years, now I’m the less. It’s great! I never saw it as a competition. Just wanting to take care of the family, always humbled we almost never had bad financial times.