i had a great friend group in high school. i had an internet addiction i was battling with, and i failed to see how vital my IRL friends were. despite my issues (we were on a road trip once and i was glued to my phone… fucking regret) they still hung out with me. then in my late 20s i had a NDE and decided to cope by going off-grid for a while, wandering around the US like a trauma-tumbleweed. Then in 2021 I tried to reconnect, I apologized etc. And while the friends told me on surface that they’re fine with me going off grid and that they do want to reconnect, I know that I don’t fit in. They don’t message me as detailed as they used to. My closest friend in the friend group is currently dealing with a newborn and obviously is too busy to rebuild the connection. i tried for a last time to reach out to 2 of the friends and then in frustration decided to block them. i live closer to them than i have in years but emotionally they aren’t there. they’re all building their own lives, lives that i misssed out on because i was wandering aimlessly around trying to find out who to be after my NDE.
it’s halloween season and i have no one to plan costumes with or hang out with. i did this to myself and i fucking hate myself for it. i ruined something amazing, a whole group of friends that i could have grown old with. and i fucked it all up. it’s not fair. i hate myself. i ruined this all on my own.
now i have no one.
i know the answer is to look for others but, how? i knew these people for years. now there’s ntohing. how can i rebuild that. i’m fucked.
i give up on making friends with anyone.
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Highschool, college, work, neighborhood, that’s the primary way to make friends. As an adult at you can try random places in town like parks, walking trails, be a regular at a club/bar go to local events in the town, join a club or group. Volunteer places, join a gym and take classes, etc.