I (22F) have entered the dating world again and I’m not on birth control, never have been and it’s not something I’m willing to do. I choose not to take it for health reasons. I am worried that this could be a deal breaker for guys if we are sexually active. He’s either going to have to wear a condom or I’ll have to wear a female one. There’s also spermicides to use in combination and I’ll have to track my cycle, since I’m not looking to have kids for a while. This requires a lot more effort though. Would this be a turn off?
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I think this could help you weed out guys who are the types to hear “I’m on birth control” and think “yeah I can hit raw” and don’t think about STIs or take any responsibility for their side of the equation.
Never been a problem to me. The majority of girls i Met weren’t on birth control, and those few made no difference to me since I’m not gonna orgasm inside a stranger girl just because she said that she is on birth control
I mean it’s never been an issue for me, but I’m very selective about the type of man I go near.
If a man even hesitated about wearing a condom I’d be goneeee
As a man that always wears condoms, this would be okay with me. Everyone is entitled to their own views, especially when it comes to their bodies.
Some guys might not be into that and there isn’t anything wrong with that opinion as long as everyone is up front about it. This is from the perspective of ‘dating’ long term not just a random hook up. I’d hope everyone was on board with wearing a condom for a short term encounter.
>I’m not on birth control, never have been and it’s not something I’m willing to do.
You have every right to decide against hormonal birth control. If a man would break up with you because he has to wear a condom, then he wasn’t worth your time to begin with.
Besides, with a new partner, you should use condoms anyway. Condom-free sex is for monogamous partners in trusting relationships.
>He’s either going to have to wear a condom or I’ll have to wear a female one.
The female condom is harder to use, more expensive, and slightly less reliable than the male condom. If you like it better than the male condom, then you do you, but you should know they’re not equivalent.
>There’s also spermicides and I’ll have to track my cycle, since I’m not looking to have kids for a while.
Spermicidal foam has a 15% failure rate *with perfect use*. That’s way worse than condoms.
If you want to have condom-free sex without hormonal birth control and not get pregnant, your safest choice is the copper IUD. Some women experience side effects like bad cramping with the copper IUD, while others have no problems at all. The only way for you to know is to try it.
Not a turn off, but a great screening tool to find red flags. If you end up in a long term relationship, you could look into an iud if that’s something you’re open to.
Hormonal birth control is a great tool. It is not the only tool, thankfully.
If she’s willing to go to the trouble of getting fitted for a diaphragm and inserting one prior to sex, that’s perfectly fine with me. Ditto for proper contraceptive sponges, and only a little less confidence when it comes to cervical caps. Granted, a copper IUD would be preferable if it were a viable option for her, as I would like to be able to ejaculate inside of her and with most alternatives to hormonal BC [you really want to double up on compatible methods](https://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexual_health/the_buddy_system_effectiveness_rates_for_backing_up_your_birth_control_with_a_).
I definitely wouldn’t be OK with treating [fertility awareness methods](https://www.scarleteen.com/birth_control_bingo_fertility_awareness) as a good secondary form of contraception until I knew her a lot better and trusted her and that she was using them appropriately and properly and had been doing so and was consistent enough to be able to use those methods, as sadly they are not something every woman can use.
The side effects of hormonal contraception have killed many, many relationships, too, and their impact on who and what a woman finds sexually attractive can be more than a little awkward. So there’s that component of things that makes it easier to be more comfortable not using them.
>This requires a lot more effort though. Would this be a turn off?
After losing a partner in part because she lost attraction for me due to hormonal BC, I can say with some confidence that a partner who is strongly sexually attracted to me and who stays strongly sexually attracted to me is well worth the trade off in reduced spontaneity in how and when we can have protected sex.
Here’s how I’d handle a girl that does not want to use birth control.
1. Start relationship.
2. Have sex a few times, most CERTAINLY w/ condoms. See where things are going. Maybe long term???
3. Ok, we decide to go long term/go steady. Lets have a conversation about testing for.
1. STDS, let’s get checked and share results.
2. Lets discuss birth control methods. There are various. What works for you? What works for me?
3. Make decision!
If with above we can’t come to a reasonable agreement, maybe it’s not meant to be.
I’m not on birth control and I’ve never had any issues!!
Just make sure they’re wearing condoms. You can get pregnant from pulling out, don’t let them say that’s not true. Also protects from stis if you use a condom. I’ve found many many men will argue about wearing a condom. Just don’t sleep with them. Not worth the headache 🤷🏼♀️
absolutely. If you dont want to take a pill is more than fine, its your health whats on the table and i dont understand why so many women are into that tbh. You can track your cicle, you can use condoms, you can do lots of things other than PIV, etc
I dated someone who wasn’t on birth control, but I knew I loved her very deeply before we actually dated. In a casual dating world? Probably not.
Have you spoken to your gynecologist about non-hormonal IUDs? With the limits on abortion access expected to continue, I wouldn’t bet on tracking cycles to be all that useful.
If I was a guy I wouldn’t no
Yeah, I mean, that’s been the case for every woman I’ve dated except one (and we still used a condom, because we didn’t date for very long).
Wasn’t a problem for me. You might look into non hormonal birth control though, like copper iud. Still use protection though as it won’t protect from stds
Anyone that wouldn’t is completely ignorant. They can wear a condom.
I would and am doing that. I think it’s pretty crazy that it’s normal for women to screw with their hormones like that.
FYI female condoms are awesome. It wouldn’t be a problem to use them.
Why the hell not?
very woman I dated long term got on birth control. Most of the time that made it so they didn’t want as much sex. They got off it and things were back to normal. Back to condoms. It’s not a deal breaker to me. I would rather you be interested in sex.
Sure, that’s what my vasectomy is for.
Absolutely, because I’ve had a vasectomy. I’d actually prefer my past girlfriends NOT to be on birth control. From what I understand it makes them feel like shit most of the time.
Not for those of us who have a vasectomy!!😁
It would be a turn off, personally, but probably not a deal breaker. I simply just don’t trust condoms enough not to break/tear. My S/O and I basically just abstained for a couple months until she had healthcare that let her get an IUD, but before that, the potential implications of a torn rubber was too upsetting to risk it.
Well just enforce the use of condoms, simple as that. No condoms no sex.. if he disagrees or refuses then he probably wasn’t worth your time anyway.
Birth control fucked me up as a teenager. Haven’t taken any in 7 years, been very sexually actively with my husband for 7 years. We don’t even use condoms- just track my cycle & use the pull out method. Definitely not suggesting you not to use condoms though… especially if you will be having multiple partners.
Fuck a guy who tells you what to do with your body, using birth control or not. I hate the way my body acts with that stuff, I will not use it, and it’s exhausting trying to find the right one for you and your mental health, skin, even your vagina, etc., I’m not against it, I’m against it for me, and I’ve always had great luck with pullout or condoms, especially if I’m tracking my cycle. I actually dated a guy who advocated against it, which I did ask him where he got that idea, but it was just something his own dad put in his head — just like his dad wouldn’t approve of the girl he was dating if she didn’t eat red meat because it helps with her cycle?? 🙄😂
My first girlfriend and I didn’t have piv sex. Just sayin’, that’s also an option.
My GF can’t take birth control because of health risks. We’ve been together for 6 years.
I mean, it’s one of many options, not a requirement. It does make some things easier, and that’s it. Especially if we’re talking hookups/early dates, it still doesn’t address the problem of STDs, and wearing condoms isn’t hell on earth.
To put it another way, if someone is not willing to date you because of this, they are entitled to their preferences, but it also shows a lack of willingness to make a small compromise for someone you fancy. If they pressure you, there’s your red flag. But I’d hazard a guess most dudes’ will not make a big deal out of it.
Nope. Used condoms with my wife for more than a decade since hormonal BC has all kinds of risks.
Condoms and no unplanned kids
Yes!!!! Vasectomy baby!
Birth control isn’t just your responsibility. If it’s a deal breaker for some guy then he’s probably not a fabulous guy to begin with.
I would, men can step up and take advantage of a few options, birth control responsibility is on both parties not just the woman
When I was dating, done were, some were not. We always figured it out
Date yes, be exclusive with no.
I think I’m in the minority here though.
I wasn’t on birth control and me and my boyfriend started dating and he was fine with it condoms, pull out and obviously plan b in case of emergency.
Sure, I’d date someone who’s not on birth control. I would like to know though, so if there was any mishap with a condom and there wasn’t a second backup method, we can stay on top of it with Plan B to avoid pregnancy.
Well condoms are a thing, and I don’t trust myself to do the whole pull out thing so, yeah. Given that my gf can’t use birth control because of hormones. That’d be a yes for me
My wife and I were almost strictly oral only for nearly 14 years. We already had three kids between us that we could barely afford and she didn’t like condoms. She also has never had an orgasm with vaginal sex alone. Blow jobs are my absolute favorite and she was always happy to do it so it worked out fine. Our sex life was fantastic. We both got what we wanted and we’re always satisfied.
I think what you are asking is if would date a woman if we had to wear a condom.
I started having sex when i was 15 or 16 and I’m 22 now. I had 1 long term partner for 4 years and in the beginning of that we used condoms a few times. I couldn’t get it up for more than 30 seconds, couldn’t feel anything it was generally just bad. Her mom forced her on BC (i still don’t know why), but after that we didn’t use condoms for the remainder of the relationship. I don’t know if it was performance anxiety(since we were each other’s first) but it could play a part in why i hate condoms. I’ve hooked up with a friend once, and she was also on BC so we didn’t use condoms. I’m in a committed relationship again and she is on BC. This to me, is what sex should feel like. I would have a hard time doing it with condoms again. If she suddenly came to me and said she wouldn’t take BC anymore i would 100% be willing to try condoms again. But i honestly think my sex drive would be gone in the long run. I ABSOLUTELY respect your decision to not get on the pill and i won’t ever try to force someone on it. But i want sex to feel good physically as well and condoms ruin it for me. I would probably sit her down and ask her if she would be willing to be on any kind of birth control, hormonal or otherwise. If the conclusion is that she won’t then I’ll probably have a good long think about getting a vasectomy.
Well yeah, of course I would. I have a vasectomy so it doesn’t phase me one bit.
No problem. Just use condoms. Dodge bullets by rejecting those who are not willing to go without.
Condoms are great! But, they do fail. If this hypothetical woman wasn’t willing to terminate an unwanted pregnancy in the unlikely scenario it happened, *then* I’d be hesitant.
I just think agreeing on what to do in those kinds of scenarios is important when going long-term, mostly if one relies only on condoms
27F here, whether you are on BC or not, you should be using condoms! Until you and the guy decide to be exclusive and get tested.
Of course. Just be responsible and use protection. Even if you were I’d still wrap up until exclusivity is discussed. Really dumb not to.
My friend now is a daddy because the girl lied about birth control lol, not saying you would but pregnancy is a real risk regardless on whether you want it now or later.
There’re way too many birth controls out there – both hormonal and non-hormonal options. Perhaps consider going to a gynaecologist and discussing options as a woman who is concerned.
Sure you’d still want to wear condoms because of STIs, but eventually you might want to get tested with your long-term partner and consider a condom-free trusting relationship. Either way, though, condoms can pop, cum can sprinkle and enter you, the guy could be stupid and finger you after touching his cum. It’s just an unnecessary but real risk, really 🤷🏻♀️