Are you likely to give them the legit reason, whatever that may be, or would you be more likely to lie to spare their feelings, even if you’re usually a very honest person?

15 comments

  1. Friends absolutely deserve your honest answer. But there’s a **very** big difference between being honest and being an asshat. If you’re unable to be honest without sounding like an ass, you’re just an ass.

  3. Ghost them and act like nothing happened when you see them at the next party. They’ll get the hint.

  5. It’s a little too vaguely hypothetical, but in general, a friend is getting an honest answer, or else the friendship isn’t really much of a friendship in the first place. (Note that “honest” is not the same as “blunt and mean”)

  6. Depends. A guy friend is inform them I am not gay. If it’s a female friend I inform them that I am, in fact gay

    I’m bi so I’m not lying with either

  8. IF asked why I turned them down, I’d be 100% honest, as I always am with friend and family. I’d try to be as nice about it as possible but, anyone who knows me, they know I’m know for my rather brutal honesty, and not to ask any question of me that they aren’t 100% sure that they want the answer. I think a simple “I’m don’t look at you in a romantic way” or “We’re just friends and if prefer to keep it on that level” would be an answer that isn’t something that would offend most

    However, there’s very few of my friends that I wouldn’t date, and I’ve dated and had romantic relationships with 4 or 5 of them over the years.

  9. Well yeah, because they’re my friend

    In this theoretical scenario, I probably have known them well enough that I’d want to nip this in the bud with the right context and clarify, because at a personal level I view the friendships I have as platonic. And if this ended up happening, I need to have a serious talk with them because on my side, I need to assess if I was giving off the wrong signals

    With that, I’d probably give them an “honest” reason but said reason for me it a pretty simple one. If you’re my friend, I don’t have romantic views on you. If your goal from the beginning was this, then my apologies for misleading you. If over time, you ended up developing feelings for me, once again that was not my intention

    From there, I’d obviously want them to stay as my friend, but also respect that if the person isn’t able to view me in a platonic way, that if it’s best for both of us to move on from each other I’d respect their wishes

  11. Id hurt their feelings, I don’t friend women so we walked into the pride flag zone. Just kidding, I wouldn’t hurt their feelings but we are drawing a boundary line.

  12. The answer will be honest… But probably too honest. What that means is that it will be narrow and probably lack the discouragement that would normally be “added” to make sure that she “got the hint.” Thus, she would be less likely to get the hint.

    In this way… It would feel less honest… When normal rejection actually contains dishonesty in the opposite direction.

    We answer people generally…. But the truth is usually much more narrow. If a stranger asks me if I mind spending time with them…. I might tell them I dont want to. If a friend asks… I might say that I don’t mind. The “truth” is that I don’t mind until things get awkward. I lied to the first person with intent to dissuade them. I told the second person the technical truth but I wasn’t asked the right question.

  13. Just say~ “Nope.”

    If they try again say “Nope!”

    And if they need a reason say~ “cause I like the way things are, and that’s how they will stay.”

  14. I say what I always say.

    “You can do better”

    It’s never not been true. Best to just be honest.

  15. I mean there’s a big grey area between lying to spare their feelings, and giving full specific detail on *why* you’re rejecting them. “I’m not attracted to you” and “I’m not attracted to you, because of how fat you are” are both honest, but they’re not the same thing.

    Generally, I’d just say I’m flattered but don’t/can’t reciprocate the feelings. I’d be open to a bit of discussion on why, with a close friend, but I wouldn’t offer straight away unless they were looking for reasons. And in that case, I’d be honest.

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