So, my mom (54) kind of has a lot of issues. I don’t know exactly what all the reasons/factors might be, but I do know that she was troubled as a teenager and found an outlet in fundamentalist Christianity, then in having a series of abusive relationships with problematic men. I’m her oldest daughter (29).
My grandparents honestly didn’t raise my mother this way – they’re very nice, educated, caring people. They’ve spent plenty of time and money bailing my mom out and helping her in general – they paid for her college, helped with childcare, and even contributed financially to her divorce. But now, they’re elderly, and my mom is pushing 55 and still acts like a self-destructive teenager. It’s almost like in her own mind, she’s still 30 and I’m still just a kid who should always defer to her. She tends to want me to be her best friend, but also to kowtow to her supposed “authority”. I am thinking about cutting contact but I’m just not sure yet. I worry that it’s too harsh, or that something could happen to her and then I would feel guilty or have regrets. At the same time, I worry about what could happen after her parents pass away. Since I’m an oldest daughter who hasn’t gotten married or had kids, I worry that I could be especially at risk for being bullied into a caretaking role.
The thing that she did that really upset me recently was that during an argument, she texted me a web link to an entire book of the Bible and told me to read it from start to finish. I told her in no uncertain terms that I would do no such thing. I’ve already read the Bible, because she raised me in her Looney tunes “non denominational” extreme right-wing version of Christianity. She knows I left all of that behind almost 15 years ago. She just doesn’t care, because she thinks she knows better than I do and that’s that. I feel at a loss as to what to do from here. I’m stressed and frustrated and I need some good logical advice.
Tl;Dr – my mom is an adult child, and I’m at my wit’s end.