So we’ve been having sex for 2 months now but I still couldn’t make her reach climax. I realized the very first time we had sex that she has a clit that is smaller than (maybe?) average.
Most of my experience comes from my ex, with whom I had absolutely no problems in this topic, I could make her cum every single time. I didn’t really have to “rub” her clit (it was quite big and very easy to find) it was rather a light stroke and if I pressed too hard it actually hurt her a lot. She liked me toucher her in all directions and it was very easy to control it.
On the other hand my current girlfriend said that she doesn’t really have a precise spot, but rather a “region” that she enjoys (I kinda know this region already but I’m not always sure). She wants me to press quite hard, only in a circular motion and so I realized that all my knowledge was exclusive to a single person. I am very lost, we are communicating a lot about this, but her ex didn’t even bother to make her cum, she’s only had orgasms from masturbation. She also has a psychological barrier that she can’t always turn her mind off totally during sex but she is getting better and better and I’m very happy for this.
She admittely has troubles explaining this to me, this is why I’m looking for Reddit’s help.
Thank you in advance for your help!!
6 comments
You can’t make her orgasm. You need to talk to your SO and listen. Don’t compare everyone is different.
You need to find spot. Listen to her carefully!
Some girls don’t, and other girls fake it. You may have already had both.
Every woman is different as you hopefully realize now. For this girlfriend you are heading in the right direction. Talk is great and you say you are. Hopefully it is during sex too. That’s a time when it isn’t good to be quiet. Talking during sex might keep her mind from wandering or keep it focused on the pleasure ahead. I let my mind wander away sometimes even when my partner is doing exactly the right thing. I catch myself and begin to talk with my partner. Not about the weather either. Talk to her, even vulgar talk, while you are being intimate. That’s what I do to stay focused. It works for me.
She says she orgasms from masturbation. What does she use? A vibrator, fingers, what? Ask her. I think that may be the answer because if you can replicate what she does masturbating an orgasm should be emanate. But know this. You are not responsible for her orgasm. She is. You are just a facilitator. A helper or partner who should be doing what she wants in order for her to orgasm. But having the actual big “O” is up to her. Continue to talk with her in and out of the bedroom. Get her to give you good instructions and report back when you are doing it right. Or even if you need to change methods. I think you are heading in the right direction but maybe add a little to it.
This is a difficult subjects, most likely her trouble cumming has little to do with the size of her clit.
Reaching orgasm is all about letting go of control, and this concept can be a little frightening. Because of this, it is usually better if the woman can learn about her own body and responses without a partner to begin with, so that she can know what it is that gives her pleasure and ultimately brings her to orgasm.
This is the good news you have because she has showed you what works for her and that is what you want to keep perfecting and getting right.
But on the other hand, the way you frame you question shows that you are very considerate of her, and thus you might appreciate [this guide](https://366sexhacks.wordpress.com/2022/08/07/female-101/). Then you will have done all that you can and after that I would advise not bringing the subject up again for quite some time. If you keep asking about it this may bring about a certain amount of performance anxiety and she will certainly not be able to let go. ‘A watched pot never boils’ comes to mind!
My boyfriend watched me masturbate to learn how to touch me. I had trouble explaining the exact movements I wanted him to do, so I just did it myself and let him watch! Now he’s a pro (can make me orgasm faster and harder than i can myself) and the only man to ever make me orgasm!