Just sharing my story here to let my feelings out abit hoping it would help a little
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So I’m 22(F) and my now ex-boyfriend is also 22 and we have been together for around 4 years + 6 months. We just broke up about 3 weeks ago in August. Sometime towards the end of June, he suddenly told me that he feels like we should separate and the reason being that he feels like he can’t commit his whole life to me even though he still very much loves me. He said that he feels like he’s in a safe comfort zone and that he feels like we should be ‘exploring’ more since we are young. Basically, he just feels like I’m not the one for him despite still being in love with me at that point. This was also like a bomb out of nowhere too without any rooms for discussion. Apparently, he has been thinking about it a few months and not once has he ever brought that up to me and he came to his own conclusion which felt really selfish to me. I could understand where he’s coming from but again, I don’t fully get it either. To me, if we love each other and enjoy each other’s company, is that not good enough? It’s his life, so I can’t force him to stay even if I don’t agree with the thoughts completely but it’s just really hard especially since we have been together for almost 5 years and I really do love him. I wished I had a reason to just hate him so that it’s easier to get over it.
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He just started as a freshman in a University so it just feels like he starting a new chapter in his life and I’m just stuck here constantly being sad. (I’m currently working from home full-time) He has lots of chance to meet new people so maybe the exploring thing applies to him, it doesn’t very much apply to me. Not that I want to really put myself out there to find someone new but when he was talking about exploring thing, he kinda made it sound like its for my own good too but it’s really not… I kept having thoughts that I wish I would just never wake up or I wish something would happen to me and i just want to not live. I’m not actually ‘brave’ enough to do anything to myself but it just really sucks to constantly have these thoughts and I don’t know how to stop it.
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Actually, to most of my friends, even though he’s a really nice guy, he’s not really a great boyfriend. But to me, I really do just enjoy being with him even if he’s not the best cause its the only time I don’t think about stuff and I can just be myself. I just loved being with him. I mean there really isn’t a point in saying all these and it probably sounds cringe but he really was my everything. I kept hoping that we could just be FWB cause even if its something not good, i still want to be in touch with him one way or another. That’s of course something that would never happen though. Even though it’s only been 3 weeks, he’s probably over me and he’s not that kind of person which is good but yea. Sigh…I really wish I could get over him soon but it really feels like I’m not capable of that.
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Initially, I wasn’t planning of going to University but now I kinda want to cause even though I love my job, I feel like I should have a social life before I really just settle down behind a computer. BUT, idk if deep inside, i just want to go because i want to see him more often too even if its from afar, I don’t think I am, but I feel like there could be 5% of me that maybe is….. It isnt really a matter of just going to a different University too because we both study in the same field and I’m not really interested in any other subjects.
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andddd i shall probably stop rambling but that’s the gist of it. Thank you for listening to my kinda dumb story T.T
Would be nice to hear how you went through your breakup too if u had any tough ones.
**TL;DR;** : Broke up because he wants to get over me to explore despite still being in love with me
2 comments
I got over my breakup by improving myself, doing more with friends and making new friends. I’m going to officiate someone wedding now, that I made new friends with. I also realized how much disrespect my ex showed me but wasn’t willing to admit during the relationship. Your bf is not good at communication, he’s not compassionate, he doesn’t care how this makes you feel. If he did, would have talked to you about it, instead just out of the blue saying he wanted to break up.
Also, I know this is hard but realizing that you need to be the best person you can, have a great friends circle/support group, hobbies. Really just having things to do that you love and people you love in your life will make break ups much easier or tolerable. I’m not saying you will be immune but having a life you enjoy where you feel fulfilled and a significant other is a bonus instead of a lifeline for an unfulfulling life, is what everyone should have. Focus on you, think of yourself because the scary part is that relationships don’t always last.
If you would like to talk, reply or send me a message. The path to healing is a process of strength that anyone can overcome, don’t trick yourself into thinking this is the one, he’s only a passerby. You have many great years ahead of you, because of you and not anyone else.
I think it depends on the relationship and person. I was in an on and off relationship for the past 2-3 years until the end of May. At first it felt like a relief, but lately it’s gotten really tough. I’ve been going out with friends and picked up an old hobby but I can’t get her out of my head. I don’t think our relationship was ever going to work because she wanted me to change into a person I wasn’t. That said I’m still grieving its loss. I miss cooking with her, watching TV with her and taking our dogs for a walk. Then I remember the things she would do and say, but it’s still not enough to make me not miss her.
At times I can’t tell if it’s her I miss, or if I’m just extremely lonely. I’m guessing it’s both. It’s a tough cycle that I hope I can get through sooner than later. This could possibly be the lowest I’ve felt in my life and it hurts.