So me and my girlfriend have been together for a while now, but we’ve waited this far to have sex. We talk about it a lot, but we’ve never done it. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I like it to be slow and passionate. She wants the total opposite. Quick, fast, and hard. I don’t know what to do when that time comes because I absolutely hate doing rougher stuff with people I actually love and care about. In my mind, all that rough shit should be for random girls, not someone you’re in love with. She doesn’t feel the same, and I don’t know what to do. Reddit sex gurus, please advise!
6 comments
Lmaooooo I promise u “fast & hard” doesn’t mean “random girl”
All girls like different things. Her asking tht is not uncommon in fact it’s super common.
I think in other words she wants u to be more dominant. She wants to feel dominated not vanilla sex.
Slow & passionate is amazing too but sometimes u just want to feel wanted and that’s most likely what she wants .
Just try it. If u don’t feel comfortable with it than I would consider finding another partner and breaking up
You have to meet her in middle bro or else she won’t be sexually satisfied and possibly look for it elsewhere. Take turn meeting each others needs. The one thing that always gets overlooked here is that once you do what your partner likes (even if it’s out of your comfort zone) and see the pleasure it brings them, it will turn you on and change your outlook. You’ll begin to enjoy it because it turns her on and via versa.
Your girl is doing it right. Being with someone you love and trust is the time to bring your freak out and really let go.
You describe great friendships that includes communication these are great ingredients. Enjoy the intimacy and learn how to please each other without any expectations
> Reddit sex gurus, please advise!
You have needs. They are valid. The advice you have received here so far is astonishingly shit.
Do *not* deny your needs and do *not* warp your sexual outlook. If you need it slow and passionate, you need it slow and passionate, full stop.
It is one thing if you decide to mix it up once in a while for her benefit – that is alright. But you must then see to it that she also engages with you the way *you* like in an equal measure.
It is something entirely different – and terrible – to somehow talk yourself into having to want what she wants. You do not have to.
> In my mind, all that rough shit should be for random girls, not someone you’re in love with.
Random girls are no less your sexual partners than your girlfriend. If for you passionate sex is connected with caring, and you do not care for the women you sleep with, you have some serious thinking to do.
> I’m just vanilla I guess idk.
And that is a good thing. Do not ever let anyone shame you for being “vanilla”.
In a good relationship, there is a time and place for just about anything. There are times I like the slow and passionate, and there are times that fast and crazy is on the table.
Keep in mind there are three reasons to have sex: 1) To express love, 2) To make babies, 3) to have fun – There should be room in a relationship for any of those.
It is totally fine to say “Tonight I want to make slow passionate love to you” and it is totally fine for her to say “Fuck me like a mad man!!”
Figuring out how to satisfy both of you is the key to success. This is where communication, discussing needs/wants plays a huge role.