I’ve been with my girlfriend for a little over a year; everything is fantastic. We’ve had our speed bumps, but worked them out for the most part. We were never explosive, but we’ve argued and definitely tried to get to an understanding. I’m positive (armchair therapist) that she is still not completely healed from her previous relationships because she projects outlandish things at me when she knows they’re not true neither like if I’m talking to other women without her knowing (she knows I am not and I reassure her whenever I get, which I have ZERO issues with) or if I still love her.
The root of the issue is physical intimacy or sex. I have the higher sex drive and as much as I’d love to say everyday, I’ve discussed with her that my actual comfortable number is about 2-3x a week. We have similar schedules and realistically, I don’t think I have the time or energy everyday. She is more comfortable with 0-1x a week. Before I move forward, I am in no way shape or form, in the belief that I am owed/obligated to sex. I am not interested in having sex with her if she isn’t interested. She would bring up that she would try or she needs to do better “before I leave her” (she says this out loud where I can hear it) when we are actually about to have sex. I don’t respond to it out loud, but if I am being honest, it is what I am thinking. I don’t want to think I’m shallow, but I am not interested in committing to anyone long term if my needs aren’t met and I feel the same for her as well.
I do buy gifts, I do acts of service, our love language is gift giving and physical touch, I treat her with kindness and love, and we’re pretty great in all other aspects, but this is the biggest hitch. I don’t initiate anymore and I’ve told her that I refuse to initiate because she rejects me 4/5 and that 1/5 is basically when I know she’ll agree, which is essentially a Sunday and Sunday seems to be the only time she wants to. I’ve asked, but nothing has really changed. I understand stress from work and anemia can lower the sex drive, which she has both, and she’s also suffers from depression and self-esteem issues here and there. She says sex is not important, but loves when we have sex. She claims that all I want her for is sex, when I’ve clearly told her that sex is something important to me and I see it more than just something we enjoy physically and I enjoy it with her because of the emotional attachment I have to her.
I do want to marry this woman and I’ve expressed that, but this is extremely difficult not seeing any improvements while I have to improve myself to ensure that our relationship is dandy. I’m at a loss. Any advice?