Not a rhetorical question, I genuinely want to know how to avoid that.
I only had one serious boyfriend, he was the only one I never worried about when it came to meeting/scheduling dates/replying to messages etc. back in the talking phase. But it turnt out he had several mental illnesses and he was being too nice because he was obsessed with me. After 4.5 years together, most of them wonderful, he physically and emotionally abused me.
But when it came to other guys, it’s nice in the beginning, but then they would ignore texts intentionally even after they told me to text them, we would schedule dates just so they cancel last minute (for one of them I drove to a different city because we agreed to do it this way, and he cancelled while he knew I was on my way). Even if the relationship wasn’t serious, they would still disappear for a couple of days just so they could come back and apologize and then ditch me again.
I’m straightforward and I usually make the first move, and I’m open about the things that I want (going on a date, having sex etc). I also ask them to be open with me because I don’t get upset if they end it. Do they think I’m in love with them and that’s why they back off? If they’re not interested why don’t they reject me or even ghost me? Why do they play these back and forth games? I don’t expect exclusivity or love in the talking/dating phase, I just want them to be open (or just ghost me) so that neither of us wastes time.
3 comments
Either you’re meeting a bunch of guys who are on the fence about you or something from that past relationship is coming up at trauma and tripping you up
Open is a big word. How open are you? Because there is a difference between stating what you want in a relationship and going way overboard and sharing too much or expecting too much.
Hey. A book that helped me was “are you the one for me” by Barbara deangelis. It’s a really good read and makes you list out what you want in a partner. And then makes you list all the negative attributes of the partners you’ve had in the past and address the reason why you may be drawn to or attracting people with those qualities despite wanting someone else. There’s a lot of inner child work and critical examination. It’s highly reccomendEd in the psychological field and very cheap on eBay. Around $4.