self harm scars and sex? (TW)

21 comments

1. Does he know about the self-harm? If I wouldn’t know I would be turned off. Otherwise no problem. Scars are a sign you survived but they are of putting if you don’t know the story.

   Another more intrusive question is how recent? No need to answer. But recent scar/ injuries would make me worry.

2. I think you should bring it up and talk about it a bit before sex, just to give him a heads up otherwise he may be a bit surprised and derail the mood 🙂

   Hope you’re doing well btw. If you need to talk 🙏

3. I’d feel sad for her and want to give her a hug. Wouldn’t put me off wanting to have sex, though.

4. If it was a casual encounter, I’d ignore it. No biggie. if it was a romantic relationship I’d definitely want to talk about it to learn more about my partner, but that’s just because I like to learn as much about partner as possible.

5. I’ve had a few partners with sh scars, its never concerned me. Certainly not a turn off as mentioned by another commenter, but each to their own. If they were new, and more wounds than scars, then that maybe different as I’m quite squeamish about blood. Not because I was worried they were there though.

   Many people self harm, for different reasons, and in different ways. Your method has left a scar, others’ will not have.

   I didn’t acknowledge the scars on the occasions that I have seen them as they were clearly very old scars. I have waited to see if the other person wanted to talk about it and gone from there. If they had been fresher, then I likely would have acknowledged them and suggested I’d happily listen as to why they’re there if they wanted to chat.

6. [deleted]

7. Been there, actually. My gut reaction was to ask ‘how recent?’, to which she pointed at her (heavily pierced) ears, from which I understood that she had found a better way long ago. To which I reacted by just kissing her on her scars, hoping that would transport my cherishing and support for her, present, past, and future. To me (who is not free of sh in their life) scars are a reminder of the past that has shaped a person, but cannot define them completely. Also, one can learn to distinguish older scars from recent ones, and shallow from deep. (And I am rather annoyed at a set of new ones that quite look like from sh, but actually come from a drunk random encounter with brambles, of all things).

8. Id ask about them later on, see if i could help understand you better, but they wouldnt change how i thought about your appearance

9. You mean battle scars. It shows a strong woman who has overcome trauma, both internal and external. I’d give em a gentle kiss and tell her she is beautiful no matter how her body is marked.

   That said, the healthy and normal thing would be to tell him about them before hand. And he should sit down and ask if you are still struggling.

   ARE you still struggling? If you need someone to talk to…

10. Be honest, most people are understanding, do you wanna be with sombody that judges your prior/current mental health. You might find that they are very understanding, and even kind.

11. >How would you react to self harm scars on a girl?

    Depends on how fresh they are.

    To say that I have no desire to get involved with someone who is actively self-harming would be an understatement.

12. My partner is covered in self harm scars, they only ever made me feel more tender toward him. No shame.

13. If it’s a good dude, he wouldn’t give a fuuuuck, 9/10 unless you want to say it don’t worry about it

14. I’ve seen them. Never asked or addressed them, but if she ever wants to talk about them, I’m gonna listen.

15. Bring it up before that. Mention that some days/months were really hard for you. Be honest. You don’t have to tell him every single detail, just a glimpse is needed. I know it’s an uncomfortable subject but if it were the other way around…. wouldn’t you like a heads up?

    The important part though! I hope you’re doing okay and found a healthier way to deal with things. Easier said than done but at some point this won’t have the same appeal it once did. You got this❤

16. I sent my bf pictures before anything started, bc he kept saying it was ok and finally I was like “this is ok?!” And sent him a pic of my really bad scars on my thighs and stomach…he said yes, but slowly…and everytime we do anything sexual he’s always really respectful of my scars and unless I say something he doesn’t mention them. If he loves you he won’t think less of you, my bf takes it as he has to protect me and make me happy bc I had such a rough start in life…if he really loves you he’ll respect them more than anything

17. I have SH scars all over my legs and my partners have noticed and never commented on them or even really looked. They’re not gonna be focused on it during the moment, trust me

18. I told my bf before we hooked up that i have scats and asked his opinion. I said if he doeant like them then he can go fuck domeone else. My bf doesn’t mind them, it’s a rule we don’t talk about them. He likes the texture though ahaha.

19. I’ve had sex with girls who had self harm scars and it never bothered me. One girl had quite a few scars in various areas. Stomach, thighs, wrists and I still kissed and made love to all those areas as though nothing was amiss.

20. Few years ago, i hooked up with this girl supposedly for one time. After we both finished and while cuddling I noticed she moved her arm over her thighs and stomach like if she was hiding something, I placed my hand over hers and said may I? Basically asking her if it was ok to move her hand.
    She moved her hands and I saw numerous small scars and few big ones. I looked her in the eyes and said if it hasn’t already, I want you to know that it will get better someday and you’ll look at these scars and recognize it’s a part of what makes you the woman you are today. I then leaned forward, kissed her forehead and laid my head on her breast.

    She immediately squeezed me with a silent tight hug and few mins later I felt a tear on my shoulder, I turned around and said I didn’t mean to hurt you. She assured me that I haven’t and that she liked my words and that she was self conscious about the scars and that she had been in a funk and needed those words.
    It was a very bonding moment, we continued to silently cuddle and kiss for almost an hour, until we got to round 2.

    Later we texted and she opened up about her issues, we talked a lot and shared our different experiences with depression. We Also shared coping mechanisms.
    We continued to hook up and sex was very good cuz we connected on an emotional level.
    It was by far some of the best sex and emotional relationship if that counts as a relationship. We also talked about our regular lives and work.

    Moral of the story is don’t worry about it, it’s a part of who you are today and one must love them if they choose to love you. And it may end up the thing that bond you together even more.

    Best of luck to you

21. My daughter had a lot on her right thigh.

    Eventually, when she’d resolved her issues she got a large tattoo over the whole area.

    She said it took away the constant reminder of that time in her life.

    Her husband (married long after the period of self harm) asked about them once and never mentioned it again after her explanation. He fully supported the tattoo because she wanted closure.

    Hopefully, most guys will be like him.