My SO revealed to me that she’s a Virgin

49 comments

1. i’m on the opposite side. my boyfriend is my first, i’m not his first. i don’t currently have any desire to explore other guys, but i also can’t predict whether or not i’d want to in the future. if it makes you feel any better, i did gain more interest in and comfort with sex after, but the majority of my sexual feelings are only for him. again, i’m not saying it’s impossible to want to explore in the future.

   anytime you get into a relationship with ANYONE— whether they are sexually experienced or not, there’s always a chance they might want to sleep with other people. it’s not a fun thought so don’t think about it lol.

2. some people are giving you flak for not sleeping with her in 5/6 months when she expressed that she wanted to wait. like what? anyways. with my first partner, i did always wonder what it would be like to do things with other people, but i think that’s because i was just generally unhappy in the relationship. when i left and acted on those urges, i found partners who were more compatible with me anyways.

3. You will be fine. My fiance was a virgin too. What I did for him is I made it super romantic. We watched his favorite movie , I cooked him dinner. Got some light drinks. Then we talked for a while and I kissed him. Went from there and he was no longer a virgin. I just made sure even if he left me, I wanted his first time to be amazing as possible. I was gentle and very patient with him. Now we engaged. Just do that. Remember if she loves you enough for you to be her first make it a night to remember and be as sweet and loving as possible

4. As someone in your gfs shoes, it can be extremely nerve-wracking to tell someone you like that you’re a virgin. In our minds, we assume they’d be instantly turned off by it, think we’re freaks or want to leave. It can become an insecurity and we may really want to tell you but not know how. Basically, we make a mountain out of a mole hill in our heads and it takes us forever to work up the courage to talk about it.

   As far as her wanting to experiment with other guys, thats entirely up to the individual and has more to do with personality and wants than with virginity. Some people find having one sexual partner as romantic. Maybe you guys will discover that you aren’t compatible sexually. That happens all the time even with couples where both are very experienced. Things can always change.

   Its best to discuss this with her. Reassure her that you aren’t judging her for being a virgin but thats its important for the sake of the relationship to communicate openly about those things. Ask her what her expectations or fears are…share your concerns with her.

   Of course, situations and people change so no one can tell you if one day she will want to “try out” other people but i guess try not to assume or get too into your head about it now

5. my dude, she confided in you something important, you’ve been around the block and have experience, be honest and gentle with her. express your fears to her and promise that if you DO go thru with it you’ll be sure to take proper care of her, that’s a big part of what she’s lookin for too.

6. She might have been too scared to say that she was a virgin because nowadays, it’s almost frowned upon to not lose your virginity as soon as you’re legally able to. Your best bet is to set any insecurities aside because you’re worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet and has no guarantee to happen either and talk to her about it.

7. i know its the bare minimum but i wanna thank you for respecting that she wanted to wait and didnt push her or made her feel like she must give it up.
   and no not necessary if you speak her love language, respect and love her (if shes a good person) then she will be satisfied with just you. shes in her 20’s if she wanted to experiment she would have a long time ago. (i myself am a virgin too and though a previous partner has done some stuff to me that didnt make me wanna try anything with someone else back then and we broke up a year ago and i didnt date nor hookup with anyone and dont plan on doing such). nothing to worry about

8. I see your concern but from what you said she doesn’t seem like the type to leave you for that. Especially when she’s still making you wait for it. Seems like this is something she takes serious and wouldn’t really want with someone who’s not special to her. Try not to overthink it and make sure she’s comfortable.

9. I’m confused as to why you think she’ll want more experiences with other people? Are you worried you’re bad in bed or something?

10. Damned if we do damned if we don’t lmao.

11. I see your concern and it’s a logical thought but not something you can really hold against her. Whether a virgin or not, you should trust her and assume she is loyal to you and committed to the relationship with you until she gives you a reason to think otherwise. I mean, SHE has known she is a virgin this whole time and clearly likes you a lot to be with you for 6 months; if she’s now getting ready to take the next step with you sexually and wanted to be honest about her experience level then I think that shows she isn’t interested in experimenting with people, but rather exploring her sexual relationship with you specifically.

    In the future, who knows, she might become interested in someone else but I don’t think that has anything to do with being a virgin. That can happen to anyone

12. I dated a virgin once for about 10 mos. He was 24 and didn’t tell me until after he dumped me that I was his first. I didn’t care that he didn’t tell me, and I didn’t think less of him. I don’t really think it matters. You gf telling you now means she trusts you. Some people take longer to trust than others. Don’t get weird now that she’s opened up to you. And for the love of god don’t have sex with her if you’re just going to break up with her over this afterward.

13. I was the exact same but genders changed, I was 23, she was 25. I did tell her before we started that I know thats a possibility that I would want to explore more eventually, she told she understood it.

    We have been together 2 years now and have had a great time together, we have done a ton of shit and grew a lot, but I will be honest, that feeling that I told her about is still there and It does feel like a big weight on my shoulders, at the same time I am sure I will never cheat because I love her but I know that maybe I should go to therapy or something to understand myself better and take the decision to be had sooner than later.[This dialogue really explains about how I feel](https://youtu.be/7TmtQ50saJs), it isn’t about having a specific new partner, its about following my dreams of solo travelling or moving around beaches while I do my remote work, which could end up on me falling for someone else, or just the distance making things change between us.

14. Personally I think you should only sleep with her if you see a long term relationship that might lead to marriage etc

15. Dude she is a virgin, you will quite literally be the best she will have had.

    Asides from that, just treat her like she’s a normal girl and since by the sounds of it you have more experience teach her things. If you operate from a “she’s gonna think I’m boring and leave me 😭” mindset then what do you have to lose. Be confident, patient, communicate clearly and just have fun with it. Count your blessings guy.

16. >I am afraid that if I do end up being her first with time she’ll be more likely to want to experiment and try new experiences with other people, experiences which i’ve already had and have gotten out of my system.

    Not everyone needs to have those wild experiences. If she’s been a virgin until now, I assume she’s at least somewhat reserved person, maybe a bit shy or not interested in casual sex.

    Objectively, young people often have plenty of chances to have sex until the age 23 if they want to, from high school to college and beyond. I’m not saying that there’s something wrong with her, there isn’t, but if she’s a virgin it’s quite possible she’s simply not interested in having a very wild experimentation phase, particularly with a large number of partners.

    >I am the furthest thing from a virgin and

    Because you’re so different, she might not go through the same phase as you did. As a more experienced partner, you could do the experimentation with her, if your preferences overlap.

    >the fact that she didn’t let me know earlier and gave me other reasons bothers me a little

    She was worried you’d dump her if you found out she’s a virgin before you got to know her. It’s not uncommon for people to feel like that.

17. First and foremost, she didn’t tell you she was a virgin because she was scared. Scared you would make fun of her, that you’d think she was some kind of a freak or that you would be one of those men who will sweet talk her into it just to be able to say they had a virgin.
    Secondly, if she decided to tell you it’s because she found you worthy of the truth, so I suggest you keep doing what you’re doing.
    Third, try out other people!? She’s not out shopping okay! On the contrary, if she could stay a virgin despite all the temptation it tells you that she can make a choice and stick with it.
    As for experimenting, you’re clearly experienced so teach her everything you know and be willing to learn together things that you haven’t tried before. Its not about needing to “try out” new people although that is never guaranteed, it’s more about trying new things sexually which you can do with the same partner if you are both willing to experiment.
    My advice is sit down and talk about it, nothing fixes things like an honest open conversation.

18. Have you guys done other sexual things or strictly nothing? Honestly just wondering ha ha. You’ve been super respectful and that’s awesome. I don’t think it’s worth overthinking. She was probably super nervous to tell you that information or hesitant to for this very reason. I’d say if you both trust each other and she wants to experience that with you, go for it. Just make it special and have a good time.

    I never felt the need to disclose that information to the first guy I slept with. We didn’t really ask one another about past experiences. But to each their own.

19. Who cares..

20. That’s a pretty crappy assumption to make that she’ll want to experiment and get things “out of her system”. People who wait to have sex usually do so because they are seeking a deep, committed relationship first.

21. I think you don’t have to be scared. She can still experiment and try things with you if you are both comfortable with that. Otherwise rather try to calm her down, because she is probably very nervous about it. So I think if you actually try to make her first time nice, it would help her relax and enjoy it more and she will want more from you 🙂

22. Why wouldn’t you want to experience all of your gf first anything? Be that guy that if you ever break up with she tells stories of all the things you’ve done with her if you are that worried about her going somewhere else.

23. You’re 23 and 25. Statistically you won’t end up forever and one of you will leave the other to experience new things, sexual or otherwise. Just be nice to her and dont worry about the future you’re way too young

24. Dude, if you guys are in love and she wants to marry you then you literally have a woman who doesn’t have any baggage except the ones she carries with you lol. It’s wonderful to find a partner who you can grow with. It doesn’t mean she will want to leave you unless she falls out of love with you. So go get it and you mate end up with a woman who will love you forever. Good luck.

25. I think she’s more likely going to expect to marry you and if she hits a midlife crisis it will be in 20yrs

26. I lost my virginity to the man that would eventually become my husband. I was scared to tell him when we first started dating, and I was worried that he would judge me or see me in a different light. When I did tell him, he was very kind about it and didn’t see anything wrong with me being a virgin. He was very patient with me as well since I didn’t know what I was doing.

    I’ve been with him 6 years now and not once have I wanted to have sex with another guy just to see what it’s like since my husband is the only one I’ve ever been with. It greatly depends on the person. Some virgins want to experiment afterwards and some don’t. You just have to get to know your SO and see what type of person they are. Trust is very important in a relationship.

27. I was a virgin into my 20s bc I was waiting for a good relationship. She’s not that old to be a virgin tbh. The first time will be nerve wracking for her probably. But you just go slow and focus on her pleasure. I certainly didn’t want to go exploring with other guys. I wanted to do that exploring with my boyfriend. It’s part of why I want a relationship now. So we gain the comfort levels for trying more complex things that maybe I wouldn’t try with a hookup. If you’re experienced, you can guide her.

28. I was a virgin when I met my ex and we were together for 8 years. Being a virgin doesn’t mean you’re constantly wondering what else is out there.

    That only happens if you’re sexual partner is boring or not fulfilling lol. That can be fixed with communication and experimenting.

29. I was in the spot she’s in when I was a virgin. With someone who had plenty experience. I didn’t tell him for maybe the first 2 months. It’s a very vulnerable thing for a women to reveal she’s still a virgin, especially nowadays. So much judgement goes into those who don’t have sex by a certain age, so it’s hard to be honest sometimes, especially with someone whose had a lot of experience already when she’s had none.

    Don’t turn into a douchebag about it. Don’t assume she’s going to cheat just because your her first. Just let things happen naturally and see where the relationship goes. That’s the best way to treat her.

30. I didn’t have my first boyfriend until just before I turned 24. I had hooked up with a couple guys before that, but I never had sex because I wanted it to be with someone who was in a committed relationship with. I did tell my boyfriend at the time that I was a virgin fairly early on after we started talking. He was a few years older than me and also similar to you had several partners and relationships before me. He was understanding, but after a year he broke up with me with the main reason being that he felt like I would want to experience other people. It felt more like he was self sabotaging. Don’t be like that! If she wants to experiment with other people then she’ll break up with you, but she may not! If you enjoy her company, don’t let this be a major issue. Now the part about her not telling you for so long is different. You could ask her why she waited to tell you. My guess is though it’s because she wasn’t sure how you would take it. A lot of people don’t want to date virgins because they feel like the person will become too attached to them or think less of them. Just be upfront with her and ask her why she didn’t share this earlier, but reassure her that that doesn’t change your interest in her. And let her know that she can talk to you about these kinds of things. She shouldn’t feel afraid

31. Just be sweet and romantic about it, make she she knows you’ll be around after first. Express your concerns, most wait cause they want the person to truly treasure them.

32. Usually when you take their virginity they don’t want to experiment they want you. You will have her wrapped around your finger so tight she will basically be mind fcked. Don’t worry about her wanting more that is something usually a slt want not a girl who is a virgin. Especially if she is 23 and stilla virgin, good luck getting her to experiment lol. Get your head out your butt and have fun and turn her into a woman.

33. You’re 25. Most relationships don’t work out anyway, so stop worrying about whether she will want to experiment. Plenty of people end relationships for that reason who aren’t virgins. Casual sex is a perfectly fine thing to have, and is not a precursor to a long term monogamous relationship that you need to “get out of your system.”

    She’s 23, not 33. This shouldn’t be a huge shock. Everyone has a different sexual history. Just because you’ve had a lot of partners doesn’t mean all people do. Even in 10 years, you may date someone who has only had a few partners in their life, and has never had casual sex. You don’t need your sexual past to match.

    You aren’t entitled to knowing her sexual history (or lack thereof) right away, or for her to even tell you that she’s a virgin at all. She told you she wanted to wait, and she didn’t lie about why.

    You have a lot of preconceived ideas about sex, and seem to be thinking that everyone follows the same “path.” Experimentation, followed by losing interest in casual sex and wanting something more serious. I am dating at 37, and let me tell you everyone’s sexual history is different and their understanding and discovery of their sexuality is not set in stone at 25.

    I hope you can be open minded about people who have had a different sexual history than yourself, and understand that you are not entitled to the details of someone’s sexual history, only the status of their sexual health.

34. She may be nervous, take your time and be open to communication

35. My gf was my first and I have absolutely no desire to try anything with anyone else. We’ve been together for a year. I know your fear is that in time she’ll want to experience sex with other partners. My first time with my girlfriend was not the most ideal situation but it was literal magic from the start. If she feels as deeply for you as I do for my gf, she’ll never want to experience it with anyone else.

36. I mean there’s no point fretting about it. Just take care of her and be the best boyfriend you can be. If she leaves you then she leaves you. You don’t want to lose her which is a good thing, tell her that.

37. Never been with a virgin so I wouldn’t know but don’t be so scared as to loosing her from the seems of it she has a good head on her shoulders

38. My current girlfriend was a virgin and we waited about 7 or 8 months before we first had sex. I definitely was not even close to being a virgin. I’m in the process now of finding an engagement ring. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. The type of girls that wait are not the type of girls that are going to want to go around and experiment with different guys. If they want to experiment with anything, it’s going to be with you.

39. What’s the reason it bothers you that she didn’t reveal her virginity sooner?
    That is an intensely personal thing, a sensitive piece of information, and it could be that she simply wanted to build some trust in you. It isn’t that the other reasons are an untruth.

    In our culture, it seems to be expected that everyone needs to have lots of sex partners in order to be satisfied and find what they like.
    Well, it just not true. Many people need that experience, but not everyone.

    I think someone that’s waited until their 20s to move forward with sex, they are probably not super eager to sleep around. That’s probably not a priority, tho it certainly could change, as it could for any of us
    If she chooses to have her first experience with you, it will be a bonding experience. If you have doubts about how you feel, then it’s good to share that with her.

    Just talk to her. Sounds like you two have a good thing going, so just talk through this and see what happens. It’s ok to tell her your thoughts, what you fear may happen, and show some vulnerability there.

40. She’s waited to lose her virginity. She’s in a celibate relationship with you. She’s not interested in getting lots of D. She’s not even that interested in yours.

41. I, a woman, was a virgin until I was 23 years old. A lot of people are just the type to not want to experiment. I certainly didn’t. The entire reason I waited was because I WANTED it to mean something and be with someone special. I didn’t (and never did) want random sex with strangers or to “experiment.” That just isn’t me. A lot of people just don’t care for casual sex or experimenting with other people. Honestly, the though of that disgusts me. No shade meant toward anyone that likes it, but for myself…no way. The idea of sharing something intimate with someone I don’t even know or like just turns me right off.

    She sounds like this type to me. If you get involved with someone like that…they usually take a relationship pretty seriously and sex is a big deal. So if you’re not serious or in this for real…then maybe let her know that.

    Also, she likely didn’t let you know because sometimes people just don’t know how to talk about that stuff before they feel comfortable. From my experience back when I was younger, and today, a lot of men just want casual. They just don’t want to deal with anything serious. So she might have been trying to “feel out” what type of dude you are.

42. I can’t imagine being 25 again and waiting that long to sleep with a girl.

    She’s making you wait and has never hoed out so I don’t think she sounds likely to seek other partners. Just show her a good time. Be the first experience everyone deserves.

43. I don’t get y’all. Did you WANT her to have mileage? She’s trusting you with something extremely important. This shouldn’t bother u. This is apart of who she is. I’m also f23 (virgin) & it’s actually not a fun time revealing that ur a virgin. People think ur going to fall madly in love with them and run away and some just want to say they were ur first body. If u have good intentions idk why this would bother u.

44. I was a virgin, experience wise with my current fiance and he had lots of experience. I was raped and didn’t consider that sex or virginity. I don’t want anyone but my man. He listens to my needs and I his. I think that a lot of men get offended if a woman gives feedback. Really it goes both ways, good feedback makes a good lover. Don’t be afraid, she confided to you. As long as you’re both consenting adults, I think it is really sweet

45. Yeah I think it’s a bad idea to have sex with someone you like when you’re not experienced because you’d definetly like to try new things …

    But I don’t know there are some people that even get married to their first person… So it may be individual?

46. Lol the way I gave my Virginity to a random guy lmfao

47. I have a gf too, yeah we have same though sometimes, all you have to do is trust her, love her. So she wont look for someone else, cuz sometimes it’s still depends on person. and be proud For yourself you’re the first one to experience that things. Also I don’t think she’ll do that experiments you were saying, i mean ya’ll partners, why would she need other person.

48. I was my exes first as he played up that he was this great macho man, come to the end of it and he admitted his truth 🙄
    But I was always open with him telling him that if he ever wanted to experience more or experiment anything that all he had to do was be honest with me and open. I knew he’d be curious but he was certain and adamant he wasn’t, well he was.

    NOT SAYING THIS IS EVERYONES CASE!
    All I’m saying is be patient and very open with each other, you’re concerned about experimentation or wanting more but realistically there’s so much the both of you can experiment in the sex community, it won’t necessarily be her.

    Exploring the sex world together can be a great adventure whether you’ve done it before or not!
    Just don’t think of the worst straight away.

49. If you like the girl you like the girl. She open herself to you whenever she felt ready. That’s a blessing.