My wife and I have been together for over 11 years. We’ve had many ups and downs but I genuinely believe we both want to be together. However we tend to disagree on the same subject time and time again. We separated for two years due to volatile arguments. She was raised in an environment where communication was not the strong suit. When we separated she had her fun. I spent my time at home very depressed and reflecting while she leaned into the social atmosphere for comfort. This lead to a few unsavory interactions but this I understand as we were not together. We rekindled things after the two years apart and now have our third child. We both love our kids more than life itself and that is very clear. Any time conversation unintentionally lead us to anything that happened during that period she lied about it. Told me I was not entitled to any of this information as we were not together. I never wanted to pry and tried to steer clear but every time anything of that nature came up she lied directly to my face. I know this because ultimately one day she came clean and told me the truth about several things that happened. I instantly told her that I forgive her and I love her. This doesn’t change the impact of those actions. Today we continue to disagree as now that we are back together, a prerequisite for our marriage is that she has to go to the bar once a week with her girlfriends. We have a two month old, a six year old, and a 9 year old with autism so I understand the need for a break. What is difficult for me is that the place she chooses every week is a shit hole bar and stays out until 1am every single Wednesday night. I continue to try and accommodate and be supportive but realistically it eats me alive inside and I don’t understand why there aren’t other activities pursued. Why must it be a bar until 1am? My wife is absolutely beautiful and I know what type of environment the bar is, a social one where men go for one reason. The same as any other bar. I’m torn between being supportive of this and hating it. My reasoning for support is simply to avoid confrontation and to try and make her happy, but I still just simply do not like it. Anytime we try to discuss we disagree and do not reach a resolution. She openly told me if she had to choose between her girls nights or me she would choose the girls nights. Has anyone else experienced something similar to this or had luck reaching a compromise? Simply searching for peace and mutual respect. Sorry for the novel. Never posted on here before.
4 comments
Dude, I don’t want to say she’s cheating on you, but she’s cheating on you. She’s having her cake and eating it too. Yes mothers need time away and a break, but until 1am? with an 2 month old?
>My reasoning for support is simply to avoid confrontation and to try and make her happy, but I still just simply do not like it.
You don’t have to like it or support it. These are called boundaries.
> She openly told me if she had to choose between her girls nights or me she would choose the girls nights.
She’s telling you over and over, that she doesn’t respect you nor care about you and your marriage.
>We’ve had many ups and downs but I genuinely believe we both want to be together.
You want to be together, she doesn’t.
OP, if this isn’t trolling, I really hope you realize you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who cares about you and your marriage and someone who chooses you, every single day.
Sounds like you need a voice recorder in her car and a GPS tracker.
She wants an open marriage with a “hall pass” You need to decide if you can accept this although I think you already decided you can. But your reaction is to mope around and be miserable.
You need to go to MC and hash this out. If she gets 1 day to go out and have her self-esteem boosted by guys hitting on her with possibly some no-strings-attached sex now and then, then you need to get a hall pass of some kind in return to make things even.
Frankly I’d be quietly getting a DNA test to make sure all your kids are yours.
Questions for you to reflect on: how often does she want to go on a date with you? Do you get a full night off a week to go do whatever the heck you want?
Having a girls night out is cool but once a week at a bar seems excessive to me. Every other week or once a month maybe. Then to top it off, she flat out told you the girls night out is more important than you. 1AM is pretty late dude. And with a two month old???