I need some more advice. I tried to type it all out what happened at the school today but something I put the bot didn’t like it.
It’s too long to retype it out so here is my questions.
The police today decided I was a victim in the way my mom, coach, and principal handled me in a meeting.

The officer told my dad to take me home and give me some time to think about if I wanted to file a Restraining order and some charges. If I file it will be against my mom as well.

I need some advice here.
Side note, other parents gave my team the idea to play for our city league. We are signing up this afternoon. I am excited about it. At least we can have fun. Several of the cheerleaders have decided to come cheer for us too.

32 comments

  2. I read your update. That is really messed up. My advice is to talk to your dad. Ask him to speak to a therapist. To help guide you. I am so happy that you and your friends can play football together. That is an amazing idea.

  3. I personally would press charges but also I would be going NC with Mom the second she started blaming me for everything that was entirely her own fault. Don’t feel bad about going scorched earth with narcissists or self serving people is my motto.

    But I can understand your hesitancy. That being said I’d talk it over with your dad. Lay out everything and all of your feelings. Use a lot of “I feel” statements, and try to stay clear of any of [John Gottman’s Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse ](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/).

    Edit: The last part is just good general healthy communication advice. It’s also a red flag spotter if your mom matches more the 2 of these it’s a run flag. So use that info for what you will.

  4. As I mentioned in the other thread, your mother feels no remorse, in my eyes she is currently not deserving of her family.. Maybe that’ll change at some point, but aslong as she thinks her AP and herself is more important than you, you should not have anything to do with her..

    That’ll hopefully serve as a lesson aswell, hopefully that’ll wake her up just a little bit.. If not, good riddance, I know that’s harsh, but people that don’t value us should not have a place in our lives.

  5. i’m sorry your mom put you in a bad situation, but i’m glad you and your teammates have found somewhere to play. what do you want advice about?

  6. I didn’t get to read your update but I would press charges. First talk to your dad and try to get in therapy to help. Just know when you press charges to go NC with mom.

  7. I would press charges. If you don’t people like your mom and coach will see that as you kowtowing to their will. They will continue to emotionally manipulate, and abuse you. I had abusive parents. It fucking sucks. I remember having to choke out my mom because she was beating on my dad and he wouldn’t defend himself. Let me tell you that court was fucked but I distinctly remember the judge or magistrate berating my mom for putting me in such a situation. I received no charges. The other time I was defending my mom from getting beat up by her boyfriend. My parents were divorced at this point and I was 13. He caught me with a right hook but it was enough for a moment of clarity in the altercation. I said to her, “either he goes or I do”. She said, “It’s his house too, I can’t make him leave.” So I left. I didn’t even think about the cops then, but if given the opportunity, I would have pressed charges. Her abuse has persisted with me well into my 40’s and even though I’ve had therapy. Some shit just never goes away. She’s a shit bearer. If you let her, she will shit on you the rest of your life. Don’t let her.

  8. I think that you do need to file a restraining order. There are usually time limits as to how long you have to file one, so you are better off by having one and protecting yourself (and your dad as well, since you are often together, and your mom will have to eventually pay child support to your dad since she cannot be around you).

    Doing a police report and everything is a way to try to put a stop to this, rather than let it keep going out of control. They are all adults and hurting a minor (you). You are the one that needs protection.

  9. I think you should file charges and I think you should go NC with your mom. Ask dad for some therapy, if possible. Definitely sign up for city league so you don’t lose football. I’d even post in a legal advice sub for advice on dealing with school if you still have to do that.

  10. Yes, I would file a restraining order against all of them. I would do everything in my power to make sure the coach’s and principals careers are over and my relationship with my mom would be done as well.

  11. Sounds like you were able to at least make yourself heard, at least to the Authorities. Good for you!

    Do think you should take some time, talk with Dad and decide how YOU want to handle this. You’ve shown great strength and instincts so far, listen to your gut.

    Also, if you haven’t considered it, at the very least, your local Board of Education should be made aware of both the Coach and Principal’s behavior. They did not have your best interest in mind with that meeting & need to be called out for that behavior.

  12. Talk it over with your dad and grandparents and maybe a therapist. Hopefully one day your mom will see her fault and apologizes.

  13. Jesus dude! I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this stuff. I personally would file the restraining order/charges and wipe my hands of them, but that’s just me. You need to think about what is right for you.

    UpdateMe!

  14. Good lord… the way the principle is acting you would think she was having an affair with him too! Press those charges!! I know your father is probably putting on a strong face for you, but he is undoubtedly hurting inside as well. Keep having each others backs! Press charges!!!

  16. File the charges and the restraining prder. Punish everyone invovled. Theyve given you trauma that will take years to sort out. You’re justified in ruining their lives for it.

  17. I would definitely get the RO and file charges. Your father also needs to take this to the school board and superintendent. It sounds like they were going thru your phone without your permission, am I right? All of them need to be fired and all of this will look really bad for your mom when your dad goes for divorce.

  19. I would press charges and no contact with your mom. Remember you didn’t cause this their behavior did. Talk to your dad

    And good on the other league! Sounds like a positive opportunity.

  20. Well, wrong choices can, and should, have consequences. By all means, file a restraining order, and any other charges that you and your dad think appropriate, whether or not it includes the coach, your mom, and/or the principal. None of this is your fault, and the other parties need their wrists slapped, hard.

    I wish you well.

  23. OP I join the people who support the idea of pressing charges, but not for revenge or malice. The way the school treated you was awful, their job is to protect and see for the best interest of the students in this kind of awful situations and instead of it, they not only didn’t respect your requirements but they also victimize you and were more worried for discover who took the photos than for its content.

    This kind of people should not be working in a school, you need to protect other future students from living what you lived or at least they need to face consequences for their behavior.

    BTW Kudos to your dad, even being suffering for this mess, he has always had your wellbeing in mind. Remeber to thank him for protect you and take care of you in the middle of his pain. Tell him how much you love him, he needs to be reminded of it rto have strength to keep fighting for both.

  24. What in the nine hells in wrong with your principal, dude? Can you change schools? I know it’s not ideal but this is nuts!

    File for RO and don’t even think twice.

  25. Your Dad has spoken to a lawyer?

    Besides that I’d take the police up on the restraining order.

  26. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. You need an advocate. School should be a safe place away from home and home should be a safe place from school. This situation just robs you of that experience. It is selfish on your Mom’s part to inject herself into your safe space at school. Vice versa for your gym teacher. Get the restraining order for all parties. Your mom crossed a boundary. Get help in therapy and discuss this and boundaries with them.

  29. I read your update on your profile.

    It sounds like your dad and your attorney are doing what they need to in order to protect you. I would especially ask your attorney about any possible negative consequences of any decision you make. Your dad probably feels guilty about you being put in the middle of this, but your attorney should have good advice on how to protect you and make a good decision about what’s best for you.

    Given everything that’s happened, I would personally feel like I would want to ask for a restraining order. They don’t have to be for forever, and it might help your dad against any issues that come up with your mom demanding custody of you or access to you

  30. I’d press charges against the coach for sure and the principal if possible. They can’t go unchecked- remember they’ll behave this way with other students as well.

    Your mom I dunno, but if she has to get charged when the others do, it’s worth it.

  31. The principal is out to get the wrong people. It should be the coach but they’re going after the friend that took the picture and OP. I’m guessing they thought there could have been ‘better’ way of dealing with the affair in that the school still has a team and the coach will only get a private slap on the wrist instead of the issue blowing up into a scandal.

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