Basically the title. I’ve been friends with a girl since childhood now. We’ve been each other’s rocks for so many years. She’s my one and only friend. But I think, no, I know, that I’m in love with her and want to be her forever.
But,
I have seen friendships break due to one person asking the other out. If yes, it’s all sunshine and rainbows. But if no, then it becomes very awkward and they lose contact, or don’t want to talk to them.
Any suggestions?
39 comments
This isn’t a friendship. If you want more than to be just friends with her, it’s a one-sided friendship, where she views you as a friend but you view her romantically.
Yes, you should tell her, not because it’s likely to work out, but because she deserves to know you’ve wasted years of her life misleading her about your intent – you don’t want to be her friend, you want to be her boyfriend.
You are exactly the problem with male-female “friendships”. You are using the faux friendship as a guise for your romantic desires.
Hey man I say go for it! Best of luck and don’t take it too hard if it doesn’t work out just keep a positive outlook on life and be upfront about your feelings 😊
It’s a risk you’ll have to accept if you ask her out.
You definately need .ore friends first, because if she is your only friend, then its a very high risk situation, so to say.
If she did not make any advances towards you over the years, then she is not interested romantically in you.
I’d say dont do anything towards her yet, rather, work on increasing your circle of friends, find out what she finds hot, apply that to yourself, then wait for her to make the first move.
Oh, and do not shut yourself from other romantic interests
This is no friendship.
This is secretly crushing on a woman and delaying any confrontation of what you really want out of fear.
The friendship ended already when you developed feelings for her, she just doesn’t know it (yet). It’s your choice: Either confess to her and try to get together or isolate yourself for some time to kill off those feelings so you can come back as a platonic friend again.
Suck his dick
Ya can’t
You have to be prepared to take an L bro.
May I present to you the traditional chaste old fashioned courtship. What you are proposing is how relationships used to begin. People would enter into courtship with people whom they knew and wanted to discern a relationship to marriage with. It was centred around getting to know the other person better and determining if your values, beliefs, etc would provide for a marriage. Sex was not involved, nor were unchaste touching or speech. Any kissing that could spur the passions was also prohibited. It was the chasteness of the relationship that made it possible to preserve the friendship if the relationship didn’t end in marriage.
In spite of what the others here say, I’ve confessed my feelings towards two female best friend of mine, in my life. Both said no (one changed her mind 2 years later), and it didn’t ruin either friendship. They both had figured out I liked them like that, anyways.
They are both awesome people, and I wouldn’t want the fact I really liked them ruin having their awesome influence in my life, and I told them both so. I told them not to hold back on discussing their own love life with me and that, whilst sometimes it might hurt, I would be able to ignore that hurt, and over time, it would become easier to do so.
I was right, it became easier, and I never struggled with feelings of jealousy for more than a couple of seconds, and I was always able to be the close friend I wanted to be.
I always saw my friendship with them as a separate thing to the fact I found them sexually attractive, and wanted them to be my girlfriend.
Whether or not you’ll be able to have similar experiences to me, I don’t know, as I’m a different person to you, and my friends are different people to the girl you like.
Just want to provide a differing perspective. I truly believe that ‘considering the friendship to be over as a result of your feelings’ to be the path that leads you down a less happy life than what you could have.
I’d would test the air first. Increase your flirting, touch their arms more, hug longer, ask them to dinner but pick a slightly more intimidate place and compliment them more. That way you can show the other that you are interested without jeopardizing the friendship. You can also see if the are receptive to your actions. Best of luck. Confidence is key.
Test the grounds maybe?
Try finding another girl friend or a girl that you pretend are romantically interested in.
In the end it’ll boil down to you having to tell her anyway.
Sorry to butt in. I’m a 59 year old woman. I was once a 17 year old girl working at a theme park when an 18 year old boy who also worked there asked me out. I turned him down and suggested my best friend who worked with me to him. They started dating and as I got to know him better, I realized I missed my perfect match. I hung around waiting for them to break up so I could comfort him, but they got married. A couple years later, I got married.
We lost track of each other. Reconnected after about 35 years through Facebook maybe 7-8 years ago when I contacted him to let him know his first wife (my friend) had committed suicide. We were both married to spouse #2 by this time. We’ve messaged for the past 8 years and discovered we both had had feelings for each other back then and still do. But it’s too late and we remain the best of friends who both ask each other what if?
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It’s terribly sad and makes me feel like I missed out on my best life. I often think: “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, “It might have been.’”
I hope you tell her and I hope she feels the same way about you.
I was talking to a group of people the other day and they brought up and interesting statement: asking a friend out is a low risk, high reward situation. The caveat is that there is a truly pure friendship between the two of you because who wouldn’t be flattered that someone enjoys the type of person that person is? This is of course ruined if you only see her as someone you’d want sex with and nothing more because then it regards who she is as a person
You need more friends first. Preferably more female friends. That way you’ll know if she is truly special or if it’s just the fact that you don’t even have any platonic relationships.
Do the ole hypothetical question game.
“So, what would you do if you had a big crush on a close friend?”
I think you can handle it from there. She’ll get the picture. If the answer is no the take it and stride and continue the friendship. Also do your best to get some guy friends and date.
Had something recently like that happen, we weren’t childhood friends, but really close. She said no, but now I atleast know and can move on from her. Trust me, you don’t want to fantasize what could’ve been. Good or bad, go for it, you ever know.
There’s no guarantee that this won’t happen. It’s a risk that you have to take if you’re going to do this.
Also you need more friends.
*”want to be with her forever.”*
How can you say that about someone who you’ve never been in a romantic relationship with? it sounds like you are young and have watched too many Disney films.
*”She’s my one and only friend”*
This just isn’t healthy. You are putting so much weight and pressure onto your friend’s shoulders because you don’t have any other friends. To you, she sounds like this golden godess who can give you everything that you want. To her, you might just be another one of her friends and, while important to her, aren’t irreplaceable.
Sorry to be harsh man, but I think you need to calm things down and focus more on yourself at this stage. You need to branch out and form healthy relationships with multiple people, not put all your eggs in one basket. And you also need to learn to not put women on a pedestal.
Bro, you ain’t the protoganist in a Japanese romance manga, if you ask this girl out, you are going to get rejected and your friendship is going to be terminated. Go ask another woman out.
It’ll all be fine as long as you’re **willing to take a rejection and not make things awkward** after.
I asked her during a dance at a wedding. We were both having issues with our marriages. It was all great until it wasn’t and has left me with a emptiness that won’t go away 9 years later. We are still friends, but at a much less level than we originally were.
If I could go back, I would have just kept my mouth shut and enjoyed the dance.
As daunting as it seems confessing is actually quite easy, and once you do it it’ll be a weight off your chest. Also, if you get rejected don’t take it personally as long as you do that then things btwn y’all will work out all the same.
This is coming from a guy who confessed to his crush a few months ago and is still really good friends with her, we’re able to playfully flirt and nothing ever gets weird btwn us.
If you do decide on confessing then, all the best to you! I hope that you guys would still be able to be friends :))
I would start by inviting her to a low stress activity you both enjoy and don’t make it a date. For example if you like baseball, invite her to a baseball game; if you like one artist, get tickets to that concert. Don’t go for a traditional date such as dinner or a movie. If the low stress activity goes well ask her if she would like to stop for ice cream or coffee on the way home. If she says yes, feel free to officially ask her out a few days later. If she says no don’t ask her out
My childhood friend admitted his feelings and we are just fine still
Don’t. You’re already in the friend zone if there hasn’t been intimacy since you’ve met. Don’t fucking do it!!!!! I hate this shit. It makes me question the amount of time dudes have spent with me… I used to think I was a cool person to kick it with but then when your friend tries to fuck you, you start thinking that was the motive for the entire friendship. It’s weird. And especially if you’re doing the friends with benefits bullshit… that just means a dude is waiting for something better to come along. Don’t do it.
First things first you need to expand your friend group. Even if things went well with her and you started dating, it would end up being co dependent and unhealthy if you don’t have anyone else to talk to.
Don’t make it a big thing. If it’s not all-or-nothing in your head then it won’t be irl. Start by increasing the date-type activities without expressly calling it a date. Open up and start to be more vulnerable in small ways. I would back off from the mindset that you are absolutely meant for each other. Get curious and be honest with yourself about the fact that you don’t know the future. Just be willing to accept multiple possibilities.
I’d go all in if I was certain. Best friends often make great partners. You already care about and respect eachother. The only real hang up is sexual compatibility. With the level of understanding you already have for eachother I think this can be the only deal breaker for success.
I gave a friend I grew up with an in-love kind of seductive look once (not a prolonged look, just for something like 2 seconds of eye contact then returned to working on a radio I was working on at the time), and then she left then asked me out the next day over the phone. Maybe you could try doing similar?
Can’t. Either she is into you or not. If not, she won’t see you a friend, and c you will not see her the same way either
Ask her what kind of girl she can picture you with, she’ll probably say something like, funny, smart, other cliche stuff that would apply to most people, which gives you the chance to say “ maybe I should just ask you out” Or something along those lines whatever is comfortable to you in a joking way, just find a way to bring up the topic of you 2 together, in a “ hypothetical” situation. Use that conversation to gauge her reaction. Ideally your fishing for her to say something along the lines of “why don’t you just ask me out” if you get it then bam your in. If you don’t get any good signs then you haven’t completely outed yourself and made it awkward.
That’s what I’d do at least.
Good luck
Best not to
somewhat in the same boat as u, except im still in the phase where im debating if its romantic or very strong platonic feelings.
i did confess to them once (yrs ago) about having a past crush on them. But said i didnt want a relationship, i was just sharing.
Were still great (if not, much closer) friends now but yeah, starting to think ive underestimated my feelings back then.
Rn, i have the same fears as u. If i confess (again, this time for my current feelings), will i ruin the friendship? I have no suggestions other than create a bigger social circle.
If u confess and things work out, u have friends to congratulate u. If things dont (and i hope not), ud have at least one friend to turn to.
(also would like an update if u do confess. thanks and goodluck!)
Any suggestions? Rub one out. Having girl – friends is having a connection to many more girls. **Especially** if she’s into you. She’ll filter out the trash. Be strategic, not pathetic.
Dude if she gets a serious bf your friendship will change..and she won’t be able to keep the intimacy you have currently, so if you shoot your shot and it doesn’t go well at least you tried🤷🏻♂️..tough call, but the one guaranteed thing is the relationship WILL change eventually so live in and enjoy the present moment..
You need more friends. That is too much pressure to put on one person. But that’s beside the point.
First, you have to decide whether you can still be friends with her if you confess your feelings and she doesn’t feel the same. That will tell you what plan B is going to be.
I would suggest having a very private conversation about how you feel. Make it clear that you understand if those feelings are not reciprocated, and that will be fine. But you can’t keep it to yourself because that would be dishonest to her.
If she says yes, then great, mission accomplished.
If she does not feel the same way, then you have a choice to make. Either you can go on being friends, knowing that she doesn’t feel the same way and you are going to have to be cool with watching her date somebody else. Or if you are not going to be able to do that, then you gently disengage and let the friendship cool for a while.
Good luck.
Just do it bro and do it soon. You’ll get in your own head the longer you wait. Don’t wait because 1 of 2 things will happen. She will find a boyfriend that isn’t you and your friendship won’t be the same anyway, or you will just continue to question and never ask her and then you’ll be stuck with the what ifs for the rest of your life. Don’t make the same mistakes as I did.
Back in high school, I became friends with this gorgeous blonde, German exchange student. My friends told me that she wanted me to be her boyfriend but I had no self esteem and said to myself there was no way a girl that looked like her would want me (is it possible you’re asking yourself the same thing?) I was happy with our friendship but wanted to be more with her. She was an 11/10 absolutely perfect, and I was and still am average at best. Even though she was giving me all the signs and communicating though my friends, I couldn’t bring myself to ask her because what if I ruined our friendship, what if she said no, my own low ass self esteem got in the way of something that could have been incredible.
She then left to go back to Germany and I never saw her again. Our friendship ended because of the distance and we never became more than friends so I lost out on both. It’s not the same situation but my point is the same, just do it because at the end of the day you have nothing to lose. I am in a happy relationship now all these years later but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about her often.
Losing her as a friend now will definitely suck, but you will always have that attraction to her and you don’t want to be kicking yourself 20 years later because you didn’t shoot your shot.
I don’t agree with these other comments saying test the waters. Be confident and direct. Tell them “x, I need to get something off my chest; I’ve really enjoyed our friendship and over our time as friends, I’ve learned that you are such an amazing person and everything that I want in a partner, I’d really like to try out being more than friends and see where this goes. If you don’t feel the same, I’m willing to put my feelings aside and still be friends. You’re such a big part of my life and I’d never want to do something that would ever put that at risk. This has been bugging me for a while and given our friendship, you deserve to know how I feel”.
Notice how you’re not asking her a question. By confidently stating your desire, it frames what you’re saying differently and shows her that you know exactly what you want and that you see yourself as a worthy partner. It shows confidence.
If she ends the friendship over that, then I’m sorry to say she wasn’t truly your best friend and at least you’ll know either way. You got this bro, shoot us an update when she says yes! I’m routing for you!