My boyfriend is depressed. He is on medication, but does not seek any regular therapy. He remains fine usually, but whenever we have conflicts, where I highlight the issue from his side, he shuts down. He gets so sad. Conflicts trigger his depression. I feel very bad about communicating to him his problems, because this happens everytime. It kills me to see him like this, with his moof off. At the end of every discussion, he starts blaming himself, saying that he is such a bad person. It makes me feel like shut, because that means the discussion meant nothing to him. But, I believe communication is the key, so I try to resolve our issues, so that we can be happier together, but the opposite happens. I neglect my emotional needs for him, I shut myself up whenever I need to speak up. This has resulted in resentment towards him. I tried everything, I discussed matters calmy with him, with love, with anger, every way. But things are going downhill for him. I hate to see say this, but he is a lot of work. I am his ‘therapist’. I just want to cry, I didn’t sign up for this.
Tl:dr; my bf is depressed. I have been trying my best to make him feel good, but I have failed. He neglects my emotional needs., that has created resentment in me. I feel very sad for myself and him
1 comment
It sounds like he needs a therapist! An actual therapist.
I’m not sure what help we can provide at this point, it sounds like you are bone weary and don’t have very much left in you. And you have a lot of resentment at him now because of how much you have worn yourself out, setting yourself on fire to try and keep this man warm.
On his side of things, things are not improving, he does not have a plan to improve, and the relationship is stuck in maintenance mode until he gets some help, which seems like it will be very, very long time. How do you feel about getting back to that relationship talk when you are, 55-ish years old? No?
It sounds like this relationship is on its last legs and really all that is left is for you to allow yourself to walk away from this and realize that you aren’t a licensed therapist and that this man isn’t doing a whole lot to get the help that he needs in to fix his life and to feel better.
It is really, really hard to be with a person who is depressed because there is nothing left for them to give in a relationship. Just getting out of bed everyday takes up all that they have to give, and there’s certainly nothing left for brushing their teeth, taking a shower, going to work, or having a relationship.
If you don’t see a future with someone, it’s okay to walk away. Heck, it’s okay to walk away for any reason at all or for no reason. Life is short and mental health is precious. Go have a nice ice cream Sunday and watch the sunset.