Me and this close friend of mine had a falling out recently, and a lot of it is my fault for how I acted and for a lot of unresolved emotions I hadn’t opened up to anyone about for a long time. I’ve had it hard finding any deep connections with people I’ve met all over college and throughout high school as well. It was a surprise to find that this one person actually cared about spending time together and just talking about random things for hours; I’ve never met anyone like that in the longest time, and I really valued the friendship. Though it was just an online friendship, I still learned a lot of key social/relationship skills I don’t think I’d have gathered otherwise.
1. **Don’t ever be too overwhelming** with new friends, especially at first. You’ll have plenty of chances to open up about yourself, and you all will always have that group chat open and a good time to hang out together every once in a while. It’s never worth rushing anything.
2. Related to the previous point, **it’s the quality of your interactions that matter most**, however frequent. A good, quality friendship will be memorable and comfortable for a long time, you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to be together 24/7 for things to be enjoyable.
3. **Be mindful of how you may come off to others** if you’re really sad, angry, or feeling too nervous for example. It’s just fine to let them know you’re feeling a certain way one day, but it can be easy to let the wrong part of you come out and cause drama or awkwardness with your friends. Managing your emotional state well, by maybe taking a moment to relax and rethink, can go a long way with the kind of energy you give off.
4. Finally, **accept that boundaries may change**. Whether it’s how available someone is time-wise, or what kinds of activities they’re willing or not willing to do together for whatever reason. Circumstances in other people’s lives are often out of your control and it’s not worth keeping yourself in someone’s life when it just won’t fit for them anymore. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, but a lot of events like moving out or finding a new job for some people makes it harder to keep up in certain ways. You never always know what’s going on behind the scenes.
If I had known these things earlier in the relationship, I feel like we’d probably still be good friends. I hope this can help someone else though. Keeping new friends you make can often feel harder than finding people, and it’s just important that you try the best that you can.
1 comment
Thanks for the advice.