So I (24M) recently broke up with my girlfriend (20F). We lasted for 10 months which is my longest relationship.
I’ve been in around 8 relationships prior with some of them serious yet it always seems to end around the 6-9 months mark.
I realize if it ends up multiple times, there must be something wrong with me too but I’m not sure how.
I’ve never cheated or even flirted with others to make any of my girlfriend jealous. I’m usually nice (not too much to be a pushover which I can understand can become a turn off)
I’m decent in bed (??) Or atleast that’s what my girlfriends tell me even after we’ve broken up.
The one trajectory which I find common with all ny relationship are that I sometimes give too much love. I won’t go mad with constant talks or calls but on the rare occasions where we have major fights, I sometimes go anxious with overthinking and end up calling my girlfriend multiple times. And them not picking up, increases my anxiety making me call even more.
Every relationship ending makes me feel that I need to restrain myself with the amount of love I show, or give healthy space.
You might say I shouldn’t change myself for any other girl but when the relationship trajectory becomes same for every relationship, somewhere I realize I need to change it.
I’m very cool and chill when I’m single or even at the initial stages of relationship. It’s when things get super serious, the clinginess starts coming.
Am I doomed to never have a long lasting relationship? What can I do to improve it?
P.s I work on myself and self love. I read, workout, have a successful job and got lots of friends. So it’s not like I don’t have a life outside relationship.
tl;dr:- No relationship of mine lasts more than 9 months. Am I doomed for relationships?
3 comments
Stay true to yourself. One day you’ll find someone who’s gonna appreciate you exactly the way you are.
What’s the alternative? You could try to pretend to be someone you’re not and hold back, sure. Maybe that would even have prolonged some of your previous relationships, who knows. But do you really want to keep acting your whole life?
The problem could be the dating culture, not just you. My relations between 20-25 were all short like yours. 27 found someone long term. 2.5 year so far. I find it easier for long term relationships with small town girls / asian cultures. Western urban culture was harder for long term by my experience.
You might find the book Attached useful if you are a reader. From this it sounds like you may have an anxious attachment style. If so, recognizing it may help you identify some coping mechanisms and help you stay calm when you’re not getting the response times you expect.