I have an older cousin who has autism, he’s constantly saying inappropriate things to me and touching me. A while ago he followed me on Instagram, which I didn’t have a problem with until he started replying to my pictures saying things like “damn” “sexy” and “you really grew into your woman body”. So I ended up blocking him. I have talked to my parents about this, but they just brushed it off and said “it’s his autism, he doesn’t know any better”. I try to avoid him at family functions, but he follows me around and is always touching. He’s making me really uncomfortable, and I don’t know what to do
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That’s not his autism. That’s him being pervy with zero consequences.
Not appropriate – as an autistic person myself – this is creepy and points not to a lack of social skills, but to poor self to control.
Block him, avoid him, tell others you feel uncomfortable.
Autism is not an excuse for shitty behaviour.
Good for you for blocking him. (Document his creepy comments – take screenshots – in case you need them in the future.)
>I try to avoid him at family functions, but he follows me around and is always touching.
Call him out. Loudly. Immediately. “JOHN, NO! Do not touch me without my consent. Stop following me around, you are making me uncomfortable.”
It is OK to make a scene. If he isn’t able to control himself then he needs help. If he’s doing this by choice then he needs to be stopped.
So if he ends up raping you, it’s still okay to blame it on his autism? Okay parents. Good job parenting. *claps* /s
Tell them it’s not a good excuse. If it makes you uncomfortable it needs to stop. Maybe go to his parents and tell them and show these inappropriate comments.
Sexual harassment cannot be justified because he has autism. Call him out. And also your parents. What is wrong with them?🤦🏻♀️
Stay safe, OP.
Autism can excuse these sorts of things when rules haven’t been explained. But autistic people are perfectly capable of understanding hard rules. Do not touch me and do not comment on my appearance at all are simple instructions to follow.
There’s no excuse once these things have been stated.
I would suggest you take some martial arts (kickboxing, BJJ) courses to protect yourself. Maybe try to sit your parents down and explain to them that if you don’t feel safe they should do something to reassure you for your mental and physical safety.
“Do not touch me/speak to me like that. It is inappropriate.” Be very direct. Repeat as necessary.
Doesn’t sound like creepiness brought on by autism. Sounds like a creep who has autism.
Is he the golden child who can do no wrong? That is what it sounds like. There’s no excuse for sexual harassment and sexual assault. If your parents won’t protect you, you should consider finding a way out, or at least, making sure you and him never end up in the same room again.
That is not autism. That is him being a pervert and using autism as an excuse. Since his parents won’t raise him with consequences, you need to make enough public consequences that he stops. Every time he makes a comment you need to loudly call him out. “Ewww, I’m your cousin. Why would you say something so gross? Incest is not cool…” If he touches you, yell loudly “get off me!” and jerk your hand away. *Be loud and make a fuss and make it public*. Everyone wants to pretend this isn’t happening so you have to make it impossible for everyone to ignore.
:/ he is obviously a pervert sadly 🙁 but he may have a crush 😡 which is also yikes, just keep your distance from him and get a restraining order if needed
*Alabama music playing in his brain*
He’s being gross and inappropriate! This has nothing to do with Autism
This is not about his autism, except that he has learned that he can do unacceptable things without consequences.
So, now you have to protect yourself.
If he says something inappropriate, LOUDLY say “Don’t say (whatever he said) to me!” Then LOUDLY ask if he understands and make him confirm that he does. Do this very loud in front of everyone.
If he touches you inappropriately, LOUDLY say “Do not touch me (wherever he touched you). Then LOUDLY ask if he understands and make him conform he does. Do this very LOUDLY in front of everyone.
If your family gets upset, simply tell them that Autism is not an excuse for being inappropriate. If they think it is, then you will refuse to attend anymore family functions.
Also, try not to be alone in the same room with him.
Protect yourself, OP. This isn’t a joke. As he gets older, bigger and stronger, something really awful could happen if his actions aren’t corrected.
Hi. Autistic adult here.
Autism is not an excuse to sexually harass people.
Autism is a massively wide spectrum so it doesn’t help much to say he has autism. Does he have control over his actions otherwise, does he hold down a job, school, relationships?
Stop contact would be my move. Talk to his parents and if necessary, don’t go to family functions or if you do, take a date, even if it’s just a friend who will be your BF for the night.
I’m sorry, they’re blaming that on autism? His autism would be more likely to manifest by pointing out that the picture or mirror is crooked in the background.
Autism is not an excuse for saying pervy crap. And most of us would either not notice how good someone looks in a picture long enough to comment on it, or type something trying to be polite 8-10 times only to give up because we think it will be taken wrong.
Now the touching issue could be in part the Autism, as sensory processing issues are very common. I’ve seen that most people with Autism either fall into one of 2 categories: “Don’t touch me” or “super lovely dovey touchy”. My son falls into the second group. Me, I’m kinda both, but I also get frequent and intense migraines with auras, so that doesn’t help. But even the most touchy, huggy of us can control ourselves when someone doesn’t want to be touched. If it keeps happening, please report it. Your safety is more important than catering to what they’ve decided is his Autism.
ASD does not cause people to say awful sexual things, especially about their relatives. Bad parenting and enabling is what does this. Some parents fail to say “no” at every turn, and autism or not their kids become awful to be around
Heck no, as an autistic girl I’m so sick of dudes getting away with being creeps because they are autistic and “don’t get it”. Yes, they do. They just aren’t being held accountable because people want to infantilize autistic people. If the behavior continues then don’t let up with your family about it being gross and inappropriate.
Autistic here. This isn’t autism this is predatory behaviour. Block him and protect yourself. Speak to any other females in the family and see if they’re having issues too and see if you can band together.
Ur parents are just being dumb af, it isn’t his autism!
If you dont start to loudly say that you are uncomfortable when this happen, nobody is going to do this for you. Gather all your shame and anger and start to say that this is innapropriate, dont worry about what other People will think about you (crazy or angry or stupid or rude), you are only pulling up your limits girl. Be strong, be firm and dont take this shir quiet,
Trust me, he is counting with your silence, he knows that women always dont usually stand up for themself especially young as you.
As someone with austistic family members— that isn’t how autism works
Tell your parents this is a good way to have you go no contact with the family . When you’re gone are they going to blame it on his autism ? Let them read all the replies you get to this post . Autism is not an excuse to sexually harass your family. Why do your parents think it’s ok? Seriously go no contact and create your own family and surround yourself with people who actually give a crap about you. I’m tired of all these disgusting people mistreating their kids
Love how all the comments are from autistic ppl confirming that this is so not okay and not bc of autism. So I’ll chime in, as yet another autistic person to agree with them. You need to uphold this boundary and tell your family you will no longer be around him.
Your parents suck and I’m so mad at them
#1 Stop going to family functions where he is present until this is properly addressed with him and his parents and you are assured you will be protected going forward. You’re an adult and no one can legally force you to go.
Read over a resource like this with your parents: [https://sparkforautism.org/discover_article/sex-education-and-autism/](https://sparkforautism.org/discover_article/sex-education-and-autism/)
They’re being very ignorant about autism in general and very neglectful of your personal comfort and safety. You could try showing this whole thread too.
Being neurodiverse is never an excuse to sexually harass someone. Yes, we go lighter on them than we would someone who is neurotypical (and therefore should know better) but the overall rules are the same. He needs to know this has to stop and that there will be serious consequences if he continues this with you or any other woman.
Next time he touches you, slap his hand and as loudly as you can, say “[Cousin], STOP touching me!”
Repeat as necessary
Having a son who is Autistic, being Autistic myself, and having a moderate amount of experience with others who are also Autistic, I would recommend just communicating this to him directly and without delay.
Here’s an example of what you could say:
“Don’t touch me without my permission. This is not a request, this is me setting a boundary with you. If you can’t respect this boundary, then I don’t want you to be near me.
I understand that social expectations and rules can be hard to pick up by yourself.
You’re my family member, so I’d like to try and help you learn some of these rules.
To start with, just because we’re family, doesn’t mean you can touch me without my permission. You still have to ask and receive my permission before touching me.
Just like there are times that you don’t want to be touched, so too are there times that I don’t want to be touched.
The only way for someone else to know when you don’t want to be touched is to ask you. The only way for you to know when I don’t want to be touched is to ask me.
Second, giving compliments is okay, but they need to be appropriate. You aren’t my boyfriend, and you never will be, so your compliments should reflect that. Saying things like, “I like your dress,” or, “your outfit looks nice,” are appropriate. Saying things like, “damn,” or, “sexy,” are not appropriate.
If you’re not sure if a compliment is appropriate, ask me privately before posting it.
Do you understand everything I’ve said so far?”
This is just meant to be an example to help get you started. You should change around whatever you want or need to so that it fits what you’re comfortable with.
Hopefully, this gives you an idea of what I think would work best in terms of being very straightforward and firm.
Of course, you may not want to help him learn, and that’s okay. If that’s the case, then keep it limited to something like this:
“Don’t touch me without my permission. This is not a request, this is me setting a boundary with you. If you can’t respect this boundary, then I don’t want you to be near me.
Do you understand me? Yes or no?”
Best wishes!
Edit: As others here have recommended, if the above does not improve his behavior, then yes, make a scene the next time he touches you or follows you around.
Make it loud, and make it clear. Something like the following:
“<NAME>! DO NOT TOUCH ME without my permission!
DO NOT FOLLOW ME. You’re scaring me! I don’t feel safe!”
I suggest saying “scaring me” rather than “making me uncomfortable” because in my experience “scaring” gets the message across more viscerally and without as much room for debate.
Your window is limited, especially with family members who have passed off his behavior before, so you want to use words that are more likely to punch through.
If they don’t punch through where they “wake up,” using the language above will at least put them “on notice” and is more likely to get them to be concerned about the police getting involved.
Speaking of which, if causing a scene doesn’t get them to act, call the police, using the same language: “scared” and “unsafe.”
I hope this helps. Please take care of yourself!
Next time he touches you raise your voice, yell, and jump back sayin “I told you NOT to touch me PLEASE! God!!! Why do you have to touch me all the time!!! I said NO!!
This is sexual assault and Autism should NEVER be used as an excuse for this kind of behavior. I’m sorry this is happening to you, alert someone, make a scene at family events, keep yourself safe please. NEVER go alone with him anywhere
Yea that’s sexual harassment. I would firmly tell him to stop (loudly) at the next function. If not stop going to them. And also tell your parents that you are disappointed that they are excusing you being harassed.
No no no…my brother and nephew are autistic and I can tell you he knows what’s right and what’s wrong. It’s his parents dismissive behavior that’s the problem…they probably just dismiss everything without telling him what’s right and wrong. You should be very direct with him and let him know you are related and his advances are incredibly inappropriate and make you feel very uncomfortable. He’s autistic but he’s not stupid, probably very far from it honestly. He’s not going to get social cues though that’s where being very direct and calm but serious is important.
I am going to be really honest my first boyfriend was on the spectrum, and he was absolutely creepy, touching me in front of my family, being inappropriate and not respecting boundaries at all. This is not because of his autism, he was raised to think that he could get away with anything because he is on the spectrum and nearly went to jail and got kicked out of highschool for being creepy towards women. I am really sorry you are dealing with this. IF nothing else maybe educate your parents? Show them this thread and how people are responding and then maybe they’ll take it seriously. If not you’re just going to have to put your foot down in a very loud way. I’m talkin like embarrassing the FUCK out of this guy if he tries shit like this in public. Scream, shout whatever you have to. Because if you don’t be firm he will keep trying and you’ll have to get a restraining order.
As someone who supports people with autism for a living, autism is never an excuse for these kind of behaviours. I have worked with children and adults who truly did not understand what they were doing if they tried to touch someone sexually (most people I support are non-verbal), and we never excuse it because they are living with autism, it is ALWAYS instantly shut down, if a discussion is an option with that person then we have a discussion about how that is inappropriate and that is to be kept to themselves, if a discussion is not an option we would create social stories using pictures and words that are easy for them to understand.
Autism has not, is not, and will never EVER be an excuse for sexual deviancy.
Straight up tell him that those kinds of things (be very specific), make you uncomfortable, and that you don’t like it, and that it makes you not want yo be around him. Be very clear. If he doesn’t listen then he us being a dick and it’s not because of his autism. (This is coming from someone with autism)
SMDH having autism doesn’t make a person incapable of learning. Your cousins a pervert. Your family is doing you both a disservice by not holding him accountable.
I work with people with autism as a behavior therapist, your cousin may have autism but that does not mean he gets to say and do whatever he wants. He understands what he is doing. Autism does not equal get away with everything. Hold him accountable!
Better be careful girl, that guy maybe planning on raping you if you continue to refuse his advances…
Do uou have anyone that support you in your family? If yes use them as the shield you are lacking…
Take any mesures to stay away from that creep! Get a bunch of trust worthy people around you!
I wish you strenght and luck!
Also please update us if anything happens!
Even IF this was a product of some mental illness or disability it is *still not okay.* Whoever is responsible for him is *responsible for making sure he doesn’t sexually harass others.*
Me personally I wouldn’t go around him anymore in life
It is known that Autism can affect some individuals as in being hypersexual but in saying that they still need to learn this it is not appropriate. It needs to be nipped in the bud.
As an autistic adult, I’d like to have a word with your parents
The only thing that you can do is to stand up to him next time he follows you around wait until your privately alone and grab him by the collar of his shirt and tell him to back the f*** up. Tell him that you don’t appreciate his comments and that they need to stop.
The only person that can put this boundary down is you sweetheart take a stand
First, since he’s over 18, he’s legally responsible for his actions, including not sexually harassing anyone. In that case you assertively tell him that touching is off limits, and comments on your body are creepy and not ever welcome. Your parents could help you by talking to his parents, but if they refuse to get involved, then you’re of age and can file a police report, bottom line, as much as you obviously would like to avoid that, once he’s been verbally warned. Being related doesn’t excuse him, nor does his mental health excuse him.