I 38M have a gf who is 22. My guy friends haven’t reacted harshly to it at all, and they didn’t seem to judge at all. But my female friends in my group of friends lost their s$%t to a degree.
They were just so shocked of me, and how could I do something like that, etc. But I found it odd, how only my women friends had a problem with it.
It made me question why, like are they jealous of younger women snatching guys and perhaps that’s it, but that is just a guess? I got into the relationship with her, because I am in love with her and think she is really great. I didn’t do it as a ‘contest to my women friends my age’ or anything of that sort. Plus a woman I dated before was 7 years older than me and they know that, so they should I am not dating my current gf as a boycott.
But what do you think out of curiosity?
27 comments
We’re not jealous. We’re disgusted.
Maybe it’s because your female friends know how immature and how vulnerable they were to emotional manipulation when they were 22, whereas a lot of guys fantasize with being with women way younger than them.
Your female friends probably know how such age gap relationships *can* be problematic, hence their reaction.
Play on playa.
they hate it because its abuse groomer shit and they’ve either gone thru it before or seen their friends go thru it before.
Because women remember what it’s like to have older men hit on them in their early 20s. It’s pretty gross and traumatizing.
It’s not jealousy. Men will cheer on other almost-40 year old men who get with a woman in their early 20s. Women are more aware of the negative aspects of an age gap relationship because there is usually a power imbalance or reason why an older man would go for a younger woman. I wouldn’t really understand my friends dating a 22 year old and we’re just shy of 30
They are regretting they had fun instead of getting married. Now no one wants them.
Some might be genuinely concerned but for the most part, the underlying reason is definitely jealousy.
Yeah I don’t think it’s jealousy. I believe they genuinely believe that it’s weird. I’m 22 myself and there’s no way in hell imma date a 38 year old.
This age gap isn’t bad if we are talking about a 40 year old and a 56 year old. They are both adults established in their career, with fully developed frontal lobes. Your frontal lobe is not fully developed until you are in your mid to late 20’s, so your partner is likely not fully mature and won’t be mature for several more years. What does a 38 year old have in common with a 22 year old? She likely doesn’t have much life experience or career experience. The power imbalance is creepy.
15 years is a big difference when you are younger.
When i was 20, I dated a woman who was 35, 15 years older than me (she also had a 2½ year old son). Unfortunately it was long distance, since we met in france but in a way i think that was good. I was more naive back then and have grown a hell of a lot. I think they may be aware of just how naive they were at that age and just concerned, but also highly judgemental. I have also liked someone younger than me, significantly young enough that it could have been an issue but we never dated – my point with that is, i think it can be hard to see how much we differ in maturity.
I am also autistic and for me, it makes me slghtly less aware of some differences, and i have had to builld knowledge and experience about these things that im not as aware of in relationships. Honeslty ive read all your comments in this thread and you two sound really great together.
Relationships at any age can have issues, but age gaps dont have to be one of them. Just because your female friends have a problem with it doesnt mean that there is a problem, especially if your therapist says its a good relationship.
They might be jealous, who knows. Maybe you cana ask them directly why ghey are so disgusted – set some groundrules like not making things overly personal (about you), and people speaking from “I” statements “I think that its wrong for an older guy to date a younger woman.” Rather than “you shouldnt be dating younger women”. A few techniques in “non-violent communication” are incredibly helpful for me as a n autistic persosn to communicate well with others and honestly its exactly how my brain works and wants to speak wih people. Perhaps you can research that and give it a go? Anyway, good luck man.
As long as you and your girlfriend are happy, stick with it, no one else’s opinion matters, ghey dont hae their lives sorted nearly as much as they probably like to think. We ALL need therapists lol.
Generally don’t have a problem with age gap relationships, but 16 years is a really big gap, i think with the gap this big under normal circumstances you should feel the differences in your maturity levels. If you do and you still went for it – it’s predatory. And if you don’t, well, it shows that either she is abnormally mature for her age or you are not mature enough for yours. At least that is what my personal experience of dating a 38 year old as a 22 year old showed me.
Yeah they’re jealous. Women are the primary ones against older men dating younger women.
Think of it from their perspective, they know as they age they’re beauty fades as well, add to that the fact they don’t want to date someone younger than them (women usually date older). And all the men their age chasing the hot young girls that are still attractive and child bearing years, they just don’t stand a chance most of the time. To counter this, they’ll shame and denounce any guy they see doing this.
It’s not about power balance or whatever the fuck these delusional people in here think. It’s about femininity… younger girls are way more feminine than older girls. As woman get older usually they get more disagreeable, argumentative, bossy, and controlling.
They have a shorter fuse, an explosive temperament. Younger girls are way more easy going than her older counterpart.
A 22 year old can have an only fans but can’t be with an older guy because she’s vulnerable ? Do what you want and don’t listen to them. But in the case you picked the 22 because you think she’s easier to get, then the fault is in you.
Would you feel any type of way if your almost 40 year old female friends got into a relationship with a 20 year old?
I do find it a red flag when an older man dates someone so much younger than them. Not out of jealously but question that they can’t meet the expectations of women around their age, so they often date much younger. Women in their younger 20s are amused at everything, especially for an older man that has his shit together. Very easy for an older man to manipulate and get things they want. One of my guy friends that’s 37 actually told me this. He’s never been able to successfully date someone around his age.
As a women in my 20s, I have no reason to be jealous as i’m around the age of your girlfriend but I still find it weird. So it’s not jealousy. I just think that men dating younger women are usually immature and have a bad mindset about women. They seem to only care about the looks of their girlfriends or enjoy the vulnerability of younger women. If I hear that a guy has a habit of dating younger women, I will think of it as a big red flag.
I’m 38 my buddy is dating a 21 year old and we give him constant shit and have semi avoided him since they started dating
By any chance, are these women you are asking single ?
Sometimes single older women will get mad when the men that are available to them are being taken by younger women in their 20s.
How can you love someone without dating them and getting to know them first, find it hard to believe you dated her because you loved her but grew to love her once you started dating.
Give us one good reason why women of any age would be jealous, as you put it snatching all the men.
You sound like a dating virgin, I mean who talks like that at your age.
Women mostly react to experience and what they’ve witness or gone through themselves and usually you hear of horror stories involving older men.
I can not think for one minute you have anything to talk about emotionally you are years apart on your life’s journey, life experience again you will be poles apart on your life’s journey. Most men who date younger women do it because they don’t like to admit they’re getting old plus YOU WILL TJINK SHES A TROPHY.
Of course your male friends won’t say anything because they probably want the same, men think with their dicks.
As a hot bloodied male I have no idea why you would be looking at someone in their 20’s, I honestly believe you’re emotionally backwards.
Does the woman have a say in the choice of when YOU want children and years between. Another man giving us all a bad name
Makes no sense whatsoever but I didn’t think of anything other than from you
We are not jealous. Not at all. That little girl has no clue what she wants at such a young age. And if she’s autistic that’s an even bigger reason to leave her alone. Even if you are too. She’s not thinking clearly at all. When she asked you out you should have said no plain and simple. I’m just a couple years older than you and thinking of seeing a 22 year old boy makes me puke in my mouth a little. This needs to end now. Your therapist did not give you good advise or you’ve misunderstood them.
I (m38) have experienced the same with my gf(25) of two years, but only in the online environment, because all my female friends are 25-27 yo and male 25-33 yo. While they joke about my age, everyone is very fine with my age gap relationship and great friends with my gf. On the internet though, men don’t care at all or give the occasional high five, while women over 30 are toxic as FUCK concerning my relationship. I have been labeled a pedophile (for being with a 22 yo!!), a sexual predator, a manipulator, a sociopath, a loser, and most of all, someone who couldn’t get a woman of his age because she would not tolerate what a piece of shit i am. Only young women are naive enough to be manipulated by a sexual predator like me, who only exploits them for their body and will leave them mentally damaged.
I have had women screaming that to me, while disregarding that i also had older girlfriends and had most of my dates with women my age who where not “seeing through my shit” but were rather interested in a relationship. Meanwhile, they completely neglect the fact that a 22 yo (and now 25yo) is absolutely capable of deciding if a relationship is good for her. So many times i have read about how “the brain is not fully developed until 25”. But this never seems to be a problem when 22 yo decide for any other kind of relationship or any other big life decision.
So yes, i would say you are on the right track: 30-something women hate to see that the men they want (sometimes) prefer younger women because they are more fun and more beautiful, while giving men additional time to not think about having children. If they are not single, they fear that their men might abandon them for a younger woman. The only way to cope with that is to severely attack those men’s character AND basically strip the women of their ability to make meaningful decisions at age 22+. This makes women stay away from age gap relationships and men away from those women, because they don’t want to be called a sexual predator and pedophile.
I have empathy for those women.
Nah they are likely repulsed but who cares? I mean I hope these older women are in shape and easy on the eyes cuz us men have no choice but to bite our tongue on how most Middle Aged women look.
This ain’t even common, the avg 22 yo is not dating someone twice there age. If they do, it sa big deal and likely a popular topic amongst their social circles.
It’s not common so back off ladies. The majority of men can’t pull this off either, esp if it’s what the younger ppl call a baddie.
Yes, while you rob the cradle. Men in the 18-24 year age range are stuck with women around YOUR age or nothing at all.