My now bf, then a person I was seeing for two weeks, met my friend (female) at a party. She was possessive and wanted me to be part of her daily life and cater to her emotional needs, she drained me, so it was around the time I cut all bonds with her and stopped giving her the benefit of the doubt.
My bf, at the time we were just dating for two weeks, was demanding attention and feeling that I’m too cold and he’s giving lots of his emotions without receiving any back. We were actually intimate and would make out on his balcony but I would act distant or less involved sometimes when he would be love bombing me. I was resisting the love bombing and looking at the essence of him as a person.
They meet at a party and start talking and she tells him about how selfish i am, how entitled i am and how unhappy i am about my life. They were both tipsy.
At the time I really didnt care if we were exclusive or not, I didn’t fully believe his love bombing, it sounded like a fantasy.
Moving frwd, She asks him “do you still want to be with her after youve heard all that, how do you think she would treat a stranger”
And then and there he says “No”. So as HE described it, she got close and makes out with him and he receives it and doesn’t refuse it.
2 months later after I finally fell for him, he told me the story casually. He said “she kissed me”. I felt alarmed a little but then I thought that he must’ve been manipulated emotionally, since she tends to be a highly manipulative person and it was 2 weeks into our relationship.
He doesn’t feel guilty at all and perceives it to be entirely her fault. We’re 8 months in now and this happened a long time ago but I have just thought about it recently after we got closer and feel it is infidelity, desperation, and lust and it sucks that he doesnt have boundaries like that, even if we still were just seeing one another. She was my friend!
At the time, I was still going out with other people and seeing them to avoid feeling attached and I felt it was equal now. Yet, it’s my friend, I would never so such a thing
What do you think? I’ve recently lost all resistance to him and feel so attached and these things are starting to come back and trigger me. I thought nothing of it when he first told me 6 months ago.
TL;DR bf kissed my friend in a party when we were dating for 2 weeks. Need advice on how to feel.
7 comments
Your friend told him that you’re a bad person and he said he didn’t want to be with you and kissed her. Why are you still with him?
You said at the time you didn’t really care if you were exclusive or not. It sounds like this happened when you weren’t exclusive and he was upfront and honest about it when you became exclusive. Just let this go. It is pretty unfair to make it an issue now.
>At the time I really didnt care if we were exclusive or not,
So I’m taking this to mean that you weren’t exclusive.
So this is a non-issue.
Everyone here really sucks.
You told him clearly you were not exclusive. You were seeing others. During this time, he kissed someone else. That’s all that is.
You need to reconsider calling someone your friend if you think she’s so terribly shitty and you believe such awful things about her character.
You also need to think about why this is suddenly bothering you now, after six months.
This is an L on his part. He knew she was your friend, kissed her anyways, and waited months to tell you? You may not have been exclusive, but this does not sound like a man who values transparency. He blames it entirely on her? He does not seem like a man who values accountability, or he would have at least told you earlier. No one forced him to keep quiet. Everyone has different boundaries so maybe this seems fine to you, but I would personally never let this fly.
I don’t really think what happened was a big deal TBH but the fact that he doesn’t take accountability for it and instead blames it all on her is a huge red flag to me
he’s the type of guy who if a really hot chick someday begins hitting on him constantly, he would hook up with her and later say it was her fault for persuing him
do you really want to be in a relationship that you need to trust other people’s ethics because you can’t trust his?
>What do you think?
You weren’t together. You’d talked to him for two weeks. He didn’t owe you shit.