Females in particular do you actually need to be in the mood before you start to have sex?
If you’re not in the mood, but go with it anyway, do you eventually get in the mood from foreplay, or do you just go through the motions to make your partner happy?
My wife told me she has to be in the mood to have sex with me, which means it doesn’t happen very often, so I was just curious how this compares.
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It’s very rare I’m not in the mood for sex to be honest
Suggest reading “come as you are” by Emily nagoski on desire
Well “in the mood” might mean different things to different people. But I’m a women this is my perspective.
For me absolutely yes!! To me, being in the mood requires two things; me being turned on **and** me feeling sexy. I won’t consent to sex unless I’m in the mood. If I’m not in the mood I’m not in the mood, no foreplay will change that.
Sex while not “in the mood”, isn’t just *not that pleasurable*, it’s uncomfortable and possibly painful.
That all said, with my boyfriend I’m rarely “not in the mood”.
Most of my partners were able to get into the mood with a bit of seduction and foreplay and dirty talk. The key seems to be that she needs to be willing and open to getting in the mood, though.
Many, many women in r/deadbedrooms situations seem to just not want to get into the mood if they were not already before sex was even brought up.
>My wife told me she has to be in the mood to have sex with me, which means it doesn’t happen very often, so I was just curious how this compares.
[Bone up on responsive desire](https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/come-as-you-are-2/), it just might save your marriage and your life.
Foreplay gets me in the mood, sex does not. If my husband gives me a few minutes of talking and kissing, I will almost always be ready for sex. But if he skips the foreplay, I won’t just magically get into the mood from having sex. That doesn’t mean we can’t have sex, it just means I’m probably not going to orgasm. I need to be in the mood if I expect to have an orgasm.
That phrase means different things to different people. I’d ask your wife to explain what it means to her, so you can better understand.
If I’m in the headspace of “no sex, don’t touch me, I want to be alone,” I can’t be turned on. It’s an absolute no. If I’m not currently actively horny, but my partner kisses me, loves on me, and works to get me ready, I can easily get into it. If I’m already horny, I’ll do the pursuing and work to get my partner in the mood if they’re not already but open to it.
That’s how it works for me. Figure out how your wife sees it and what works for her. 🙂
I describe our attitudes at any given time as a stoplight. Red is a firm no. Green is a resounding yes. Yellow is more like, “I don’t feel like it right now, but some foreplay would probably change my mind.” We usually both operate in that yellow zone, so when someone is “in the mood” and green, we end up having sex.
We’ve tried to take the approach in our marriage of saying yes unless we are really set on no. And as long as we’re saying yes more than no, we try not to hold onto it as an issue.
Not me. But 100% of the time, him penetrating me will instantly get me in the mood!
I don’t have to be in the mood to physically have sex but I do need to be in the mood in order to enjoy it. I often do get in the mood once started though