Hey there,
I have a quick question about general American life
From what I’ve seen people generally grow up in suburbia then go to college which is a different city and then move to another city for work. In this environment, do you find you keep your social circles intact at all?
Do you feel that a lot of people from college go to some of the same big cities for work or is that not the case at all?
I just find it interesting that this kind of a system differs so drastically from the rest of the world where people tend to stay at home for college or the small size of the countries ensure that the social circles remain intact
23 comments
Going away to college is not unique to, nor universal in, the US.
Most of my closest friends have been tight since we were teenagers. Its easier now than it has ever been to remain close with somebody from a distance. Once you’re adults, seeing each other in person inherently becomes difficult. At least now I can shoot somebody a text or send a photo of the family, on command, 24/7.
I still talk to my friends from high school and my friends from college regularly.
Some live all over the country now, but not everybody moves far either. I still live in my hometown, and my college was only an hour away.
That being said, living so close to Boston, which is a desirable city by itself probably has something to do with it.
With internet and phones it’s really easy to keep in touch with people if you want to. I’ve been in almost daily contact with one of my best friends from 8th grade and we are nearing our thirties. I quit talking to people because I don’t want to talk to them, not because I’m in a different state.
Due to my work schedule and having a 10 month old baby, i haven’t seen any of my friends in a long time. But we still keep in touch via text messages.
Other countries definitely don’t just “stay home” for college. Shoot America is the number 1 country non Americans come to for school, so they’re clearly willing to travel as much (or more) than we are.
For what you described people still develop friends and can maintain them although you will typically grow apart from people but that is part of life.
I still have multiple friends from college and friends from jobs after college while not living currently in the vicinity of them.
God I hate this stereotype.
My oldest friends I’ve known since elementary and middle school. We all went to different colleges. I’ve met more friends since then. Some of us live in different states. I’m still very good, very close friends with them.
In addition, I live 40 minutes from my family. Still close to them too.
Should I conclude that people from other places must not *actually* have close relationships if they can’t maintain them over distances or life stuff?
No, I’m still just as close with my friends from grade school. I actually talked to one yesterday and used FaceTime with their kids. We chatted about some homework assignments
I actually have probably 6 or so close friends that I met in or around college. None of them are from America. Some moved here for work, school or just moved with family.
I still have friends from junior high and high school. And I’m 61.
My Mom and her best friend were friends for 78 years until my Mom passed. They met at ages 2 and 3. Stayed friends all the way through school, college, marriage, kids, moving, grandkids, etc.
I’m in my 40s.
Most of of my close friends are people I met before I was 16. The people I was friends with in the cities I moved to, I keep up with on social media, but don’t travel to go visit them now that I’ve moved on to other places. My childhood friends, we’ve always traveled for each other.
Almost 60% of Americans live in the state they were born. I still keep in contact with some of my friends that have left the state and we usually visit each other a couple times a year.
I definitely don’t have the same friends I made in high school, and considering I was a *child* then and now as a 43-year-old adult with facebook, I can pretty easily peak into the lives of those people and tell you that I have very little in common with them now and have absolutely no interest in calling any of them “friends.”
So, yes, I suppose, but I don’t see that as a bad thing. As we progress through different stages of life and change and grow as a person, our friends groups do *and should* change to suit the person we are at the time.
>I just find it interesting that this kind of a system differs so drastically from the rest of the world where people tend to stay at home for college or the small size of the countries ensure that the social circles remain intact
This is only common in some cultures. A lot of cultures people move away from their home town and still manage to be friends and stay in contact with their family members. Your part of the world isn’t a representation of all the other countries out there where it’s not odd to move away and still be friends, especially with phones, the internet and planes, trains and cars being a thing.
I still talk to my friend group from high school. My best friend lives in Colorado, but we still call/talk on FB messenger. I am meeting up with another group on Sunday for a grill/football day.
I talk to my college friend group almost daily when we game.
I’d say your premise is deeply flawed and full of negative assumptions.
Internet helps alot with long distance relationships.
For my case, it more has to do that people developed their life long friendships already. Many of the people in my city are hanging out with the same people they’ve known since middle or high school. Hard to develop friendships when most people aren’t looking for friends anymore. I’m 22 and never had a close friend or known many people I would consider friends.
I really dislike this stereotype. It just seems like another attempt to paint Americans as shallow people who only have acquaintances vs “true” friends.
American culture doesn’t prevent people from maintaining long term friendships. My two best friends and I have been best friends since we were 10 or 11. We’re way older (decades) than that now. And we live in 3 different cities. About half the people I am connected to through social media are people I grew up with (vs college friends).
My two closest friends who are local are former co-workers – we haven’t worked together in close to 10 years and we still see each other regularly and have an annual trip we take together.
I guess I look at “true” friendships as people with whom I have had shared experiences and not just my immediate “social” circle.
This is more of a generational thing.
I do think it’s concerning how many young people say they have no friends but it’s a relatively new situation. I’ll be 40 in a few months, went away for college, moved into the city after college, and have a wide circle of friends. This is common place for my generation and previous ones.
It’s not super helpful in that if you move (which is common), it’s easy to lose touch, but it certainly doesn’t take a lot of effort to remain in touch with people.
Nonsense.
I have friends that I’ve had for nearly 30 years.
> small size of the countries ensure that the social circles remain intact
You’re saying this is a good thing, but it sounds really sad to me. Moving from one city to the next means you lose all contact with your friends and family? Really? It just sounds like your world is so small. It’s not uncommon for us to drive 12 hours multiple times a year to be with friends and family for birthdays, holidays and life events.
I don’t even see how it’s possible to stay in one place. I didn’t grow up in a “City” – I grew up in a borough (village) that is 1.8 square miles, completely surrounded by an endless sea of independent boroughs and townships, with no space in between them except an occasional farm or pine forest.
There was no college in my town, and even though I was lucky that there is a world class University only 12 miles away, I still lived in a dorm and got my own apartment while I went there.
There are also no engineering jobs in my town, so I got employment where I found it. I can’t imagine being limited to the specific municipality where you grew up. I have the job mobility to move across the country if I wanted, and I turned down job offers that were 1500 miles away.
I just want to emphasize that only a minority of Americans grow up in suburbia, only a minority of Americans go to college in a different city (not all Americans go to college in the first place), and only a minority of Americans live in a state other than where they were born. People who fit all three categories will be an even smaller minority.
For the minority of people who leave home, and go to college elsewhere, and then move to a third location, it might be marginally more difficult to maintain the same friend group they had in high school. But even then, internet and phones make it much easier for everyone.
I lost all my social circles but that was by choice – I am not a social person
All of my old friends are still friends living in the same place we grew up and have been for 30 years.
From my perspective, thats what being American is all about – you can chase a dream or you can sit on the same porch for 75 years, drinking the same beer, with the same friends and neighbors. This choice truly is yours and whatever you go and do, whatever your slice of the American dream is – there is probably a community for you to create a circle in.