*Not a political post*
I was buddies with this guy for 10 years and during Covid we started to talk again and hangout more. He helped me unknowingly with my social anxiety because he brought me out of my comfort zone and it was easy to talk to him as we have a lot of pop culture and hobbies in common.
But recently during the RoevWade overturn he sent some posts and said some things about it that really offended me because it hit home more. He would send me posts that we could debate about since we are on opposing political sides before this. But before the overturn I told him to stop sending me stuff as it was becoming upsetting or it would stress me out to think about issues in our country. Then he sent me something about the overturn and I got mad. I thought he would have to at least understand my side on the issue, but instead he stuck to his opinion without acknowledging the strain or my concern about it. I don’t know why I stayed friends with him for so long, I wasn’t trying to change his opinions on things, but I thought he was at least understanding of things, and instead I realized all the “jokes” he was making he actually believed them and I was done. He said one more thing that really triggered me and trauma I’ve had to deal with, but at this point I didn’t want to explain anymore. I felt like even if I did tell him my trauma he would not be someone worth telling it to. So like most people That were political opposites to me, I told him we could no longer be friends and dropped him and blocked him.
I miss our friendship so much, playing games and getting drinks and having what I thought were deep or nerdy conversations. And now his friend group is no longer my friend group (some of them) but I needed to isolate and get away from him. But I sometimes have this imaginary scenario in my head where I finally do explain to him why he keeps offending me and he understands. On the other hand, I explained a lot to him already without declaring the main trauma, and he would not budge or listen or be compassionate about the opposing side at all, completely ignoring my examples and reasons instead.
Knowing his opinion on the overturn was what was the last straw, but I won’t share politics specifics.
My question is was I right to end a 10+ year friendship? Or was I being naive to have been friends with someone so different from me for so long?
2 comments
Tricky, you asked for boundaries and he kept sending you stuff.
He should’ve have stopped.
At the same time, people get to invested in their beliefs and opinions without realizing that they might hurt the other person.
You dealt with this the only way you knew, but it wasn’t the best way to do it.
It’s important to set ultimatums in your relationships.
When my mother doesn’t want to talk about something she puts on a serious face and says ” You can ask me and talk about anything with me except that”. And she wont budge.
In a similar way you needed to set straight ( if you wanted to keep your friendship) your ultimatums. “*We will not talk about RoevWade for any reason at all, if you send me one single more thing, our 10 year friendship comes to an end is your fault. You know the trauma I have, so you know how it affects me. If I have to repeat this once more, we are done and its your fault. Now can we talk about something else?”.*
Something like that, but honestly that ship sailed. You weren’t naive to make friends of different political spectrum, your friend got too passionate, kept pushing and you didn’t give him a strong ultimatum( not that you needed to) making everything clear.
If you go back to him, do you think you can be friends with him? We don’t know how he is, but unless he recognizes and apologies for getting to passionate, it might leave a sour taste on you.
Anyways, I don’t know, that’s my perspective but I am not american so I might be missing something.
In my opinion you should try to explain your side. Worst case he says something insensitive and you know for sure that he’s just an asshole and it won’t bother you anymore. Best case you repair a friendship and make the world a better place by having constructive conversation before division