hello reddit im going to give some back story so this all makes sense. i (21f) and my boyfriend (23m) have been in a long distance relationship for over a year going into two. and weve had issues throughout this whole relationship as its my first relationship and him too. now we have been doing decently the past year and a half with long distance because he lived with a roommate and had his own room and could facetime a lot. now here is the problem he was recently evicted from his old place and couldnt find a good place to stay at and has had to move in with his friends, they are like 6 in a 3 bedroom apt until he finds a better place to stay at.
i knew it was going to be really hard when he told me all of this, but i never expected it to feel impossible. now its good to note that ive been struggling with a few things so ive been feeling really low the past few weeks. and hes been struggling with his living situation and also is feeling low. so we are both in a bad place mentally and we cant seem to support each other. we barely talk anymore and facetime for an hour of less a day and sometimes not at all, which is all he can do and im trying to be supportive and be okay with all of this and it keeps backfiring at me. mainly cuz im trying ti be there for him and as supportive as i can because i havent been good to him at all. but i keep feeling left out and i keep feeling like he wants me to understand his situation and want me to be supportive and be understanding but im not getting the same back. and he feels the exact same way.
ive tried talking about this a lot and every time in ends in a terrible way and we end up not wanting to talk to each other calling each other names and so on. and to be fair i get too emotional sometimes that i cant stop myself from talking and it starts to hurt him and i still wouldnt stop. i just want to be a better partner to him and be okay with this because its out of our control and there is only so much i can do. i keep making the same mistake again and again with how i talk about my emotions and i want to change that.
here is how i feel, i feel like he can pick me up and put me down when he wants and i feel like shit everytime because of that, we made a schedule so we can facetime everyday but he doesnt really follow it all the time and he just calls me when he wants to and i dont like that it feels like he doesnt respect my time. ive told him this before and now what he does is ask me if i can ft later cuz he slept in or there is an excuse. i dont even feel wanted by him anymore. i dont feel apart if the relationship, its like his schedule is this and it can change at anytime and i cant say shit about it.
the past week ive tried to just be okay with everything that happens so i can be more supportive for him and it hasnt really worked i mean like he feels supported and hes felt better than the past few weeks but ive felt worse cuz i had to force myself to be okay when i wasnt and i ended up being emotional and talking which i know im in the wrong for. i dont know how to talk to him anymore because everything now is me mot being supportive me not understanding. i do believe that i can do something to be a better partner but i dont know what it is that will help us both. cuz if i take care of him i neglect myself and if i take care of myself i neglect him and im just tired and i want to make things work better and be who we were before. anything advice will help.
i know this was long and it wasnt the best format to write in. im new to reddit.