This was a little over 3 months agos and wanted to reflect on my behavior:
I had a friend who moved and we kept in contact but I noticed I was the one always reaching out/asking to call and checking in and when I didn’t, we’d go 2 months no contact. At one point I asked if we could meet up when I would be in town and told them 4 days in advance but they told me they had to work a lot and we couldn’t. I noticed that when other friends visited them, they always hung out and it made me feel a little excluded but yeah timing was off and I jumped to conclusions.
Anyway I talked to them and they said others have said the same thing and they just caught up with life and have a lot and said they would be better since we are good friends and I felt better. A few days later I had a nagging feeling and wanted to get it off my chest so we don’t talk about it again and said I am glad we talked cuz I was feeling a little left out cuz we couldn’t hang one time and others. They said its good to hear but they have a lot of friends/stuff and I need to respect this isn’t their main priority.
I felt it was a little harsh cuz I know that and all but I feel you don’t have to say it so I told them ofc I don’t expect to be and no pressure and I was feeling a little left out but we can coordinate something at some point and I am not mad they have other friends and don’t expect to be their focus and we don’t need to be in constant contact and its nice to hear from them from time to time.
They responded with they appreciate me saying that but feel we are on different pages and we should only expect a catch up from time to time and that’s it. I felt confused and told them I thought we were good friends and they wanted to end the convo. I asked if we could do a quick call but they wanted to drop it and won’t talk about it anymore and we are cool but don’t say this to them anymore. Anyway I apologized and didn’t mean for it to get out of hand and ended it.
Either way we haven’t talked in a little over 3 months and at this point I doubt they are gonna reach out. I even wished them a happy bday a few day back and still no message. So I wonder, was I too clingy or needy with my friend or came across too strong? Was I a creep?
2 comments
stop reaching out.
Honestly from what I read it sounds like you cared about the friendship/ relationship, but the other person either was too busy with life or truly didn’t care to make time for you. If it’s been that long they probably either never considered you as a “good” friend or they never really thought of you as a friend at all. When you put in effort into any relationship but the other person isn’t you will feel clingy/needy. my advice for those kind of relationships is to step back, and evaluate if they truly thought of you as a friend or an acquaintance. Also see what you yourself can do to improve and be a better friend.