I (26m) am suffering that my fiancé (31F) is in rehab for alcohol. She was sending amazing heart warming letters and phone calls. Which have all stopped out of no where. Her mother texts me saying she’s picking up her dog. I’m confused at this point. My brother in law was able to speak with her since he was in rehab but left after 2 weeks. He told my sister that my fiancé dani said she is happy and grateful she’s here. She’s having her mother break the lease, pick up her dog, move in with her parents, and then leave me because the relationship is toxic. She told him that I could’ve motivated her from not drinking but that I allowed her to drink with me at home instead of encourage her from drinking and didn’t want to tell me this. My brother in law kept this away from me but told his wife which is my sister. My sister told me so I confronted my brother in law and he denies what I found out. I was always there to encourage her not to drink. It took getting hit, cursed at, kicked out every time I try to keep her from drinking. She would still drink and come up with ways to drink without me knowing. She drove intoxicated every time. I don’t want her to get a dui, crashing killing her self or hurting someone else. She pressured me saying she can handle one drink and the voice in her head is gone. I know if I keep trying to motivate her she will still drink in a sneaky way. So I told her she can drink as long as it’s with me. So I can tell her enough is enough and so I know she is home safe. Not the best decision but I just want her safe. Because of this she doesn’t get in contact with me anymore. I’m crushed and hurt. I love her with all my heart
4 comments
A large part of curing your own addiction is obviously the part that comes after the detox.
The part nobody talks about is where you can’t go back to the life you had before. It can be extremely easy for addicts to fall back into the same patterns if they’re immersed back into the same lifestyle. It’s unfortunate but true.
I would see if she would be open to getting a new place with you once she’s settled in and coping better with her parents. Don’t stop showing that you care, and keep being a good role model in her recovery even if she doesn’t reciprocate right away.
At the end of the day, this is her versus herself. It genuinely does not have much to do with you, and she probably needs this time for herself to heal on her own and find out who she is *away from alcohol*.
My partner left me while being checked in for addiction aswell. I guess it was too much at the same time and he needed time for himself. He only figured that out after being sober for a while.. We got back together a year later tho so theres always hope.
It sounds like it was as toxic for you as it was for her. Alcoholism is tough. Time to focus on yourself.
Dude, she abused you. Substance problems or not she abused you and you are now her scapegoat. I understand you love her and you want her safe. That doesn’t mean being with her is a good idea. Maybe she’ll be a different person given time with sobriety, but as it stands it seems the best choice is let her fix herself with her support system and you work on yourself with yours. Whatever happens in the future happens, but now isn’t the time. Substance abuse is a nasty thing and it takes so much out of you, it’ll take a lot of work for her to get herself right and right now the role she’s assigned you is “person to blame”. It’s okay, you deserve better.