How talk to gf,in a honest and loving way?

6 comments

1. Okay i’ll bite, what went wrong?

2. Honestly and lovingly is my suggestion

3. it’s a trap, being vulnerable is a mistake

4. “Don’t.”

   Women HATE vulnerable. They want strong.

5. Bro you gonna need to give more detail if you want a higher resolution when it comes to advice.

   But as far as stating some general tips…

   Vulnerable conversations should always be had in person if possible – non-verbals can help a lot and it’s far easier to miscommunicate over text or just voice.

   Vulnerable conversation means there is likely going to be a lot of emotion present, and in just about any form. It is absolutely essential that you be patient with both your emotions and hers. Use your words to communicate, do not use your emotions to communicate. Use your emotions to gauge how you feel about what is being said, what happened, and so forth, and it’s OK to take time to think about what to say. Sometimes we choose our words poorly and it is also important, at times, to discuss word choice and what exactly someone meant. This may seem redundant, but it’s a worthy exercise in discovery, I guarantee it

   Vulnerable conversation means patience goes a long way. Going to emphasize what I said in previous paragraph, it’s important to not hurl emotions and for both parties to be patient with one another. The goal of a conversation is to find an understanding or to empathize with whatever your partner is going through.

   Vulnerable conversation means being susceptible to jumping to conclusions. Don’t make assumptions. Ask what someone means or say how you interpret their words. If their feelings or perspective seems silly to you – don’t automatically discredit it. Everyone is different and what seems absurd to one person may be wholly baseline for another. It is possible for people to have vast differences and neither of them are wrong. It’s up to the couple what balance looks like and you can’t bridge that kind of gap until you have a more solid understanding of one another.

   Again, patience. Understanding doesn’t come automatically. You can’t rely on only logic – because logic is *your* lens. Other people may have a different approach but that doesn’t mean their logic is necessarily false. It is absolutely possible that compromise is not desired by one party; not everyone is flexible, however at the same time you can stretch yourself more if you have warmed up to someone’s perspective. If you start off with thinking someone is full of shit or wrong, it’s going to be difficult to resolve shit. Set all the bad energy and judgement to the side so that you can focus on the conversation.

   Again. Patience is important. Not all conversations are completed in one session. Especially if there are rough emotions involved, like anger. If you’re fatigued and can’t keep going, it’s OK to take a break; sometimes you just need a couple minutes and other times maybe you wait a day or two for a better time/opportunity to sit down and talk.

   I’m just talking out my ass though, man. These are some things that I have come across in learning to communicate better. I’ve seen people on Reddit who treat emotions as if they are a plague to be avoided. For people who don’t have experience understanding and regulating their emotions, vulnerable conversations can be taxing and trying. If you see yourself lacking in that skill set, be honest about it and just work on it over time. Some people are going to tell you that the patience and understanding I am preaching is a weakness or a useless endeavor, but those people have given up on navigating their emotions and the emotions of others with confidence and compassion. As boys and as men, classic gender roles teach us to avoid our emotions and consider them a weakness. It’s *not* a weakness to develop these skills though. And many men would be much happier if they didn’t treat emotions and empathy as a no-go zone. Again, some of this stuff you are gonna be bad at and it is going to take practice. And that’s OK as long as you keep your eye on the prize. I’m not saying all conflicts can be resolved, but you will be surprised and take joy in this as you get better at it. I used to be so bad at understanding my emotions, that I had some abusive behaviors. It’s OK if you aren’t good at this. You know what you want to achieve at least and I’m going to assume that your goal is resolving conflict. Just take slow and deep breaths and relax the tension from your body if you find yourself losing your shit.

   Good luck

6. Write her a heartfelt letter.