As the title suggests, I’m 26, male and am having difficulty with dating. I have been dating for 15 months and in that time I went on a date with one girl who was really rude to me. I have used the dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge) regularly and have tried doing things like changing up my profile to see if that makes any difference. Occasionally, I would match with someone only to be ghosted or unmatched all of a sudden. I asked some girls at work out on dates and was rejected – the most common explanation (if one was provided at all) was that they didn’t find me attractive. The constant rejection has taken a real toll on me and it is making me feel really bad about myself. I see other people together and it hurts to think that women obviously want to be with men but they don’t want to be with me specifically. It makes me feel excluded and undesirable.
I wish I could fund myself a nice, pretty and classy lady who wants to be with me. I don’t consider myself unattractive either – I’m young, tall, of healthy weight, work out often, wear clean and ironed clothes, am financially independent, have my own house and car.
My thoughts have been taken over by this issue and it is making me feel so bad.
TL;DR I’m 26 and am having a lot of difficulty getting into a relationship. Help needed.
5 comments
This is a tough issue to give advice for because there could be a multitude of issues causing the problem. Being attractive physically isn’t necessarily the biggest motivation for women to date a man. Personality completely makes or breaks the attraction. I’ve talked to guys that I thought were leagues and leagues out of my league, and then their personality completely killed the attraction. I’ve also talked to guys that I wasn’t attracted to physically but their personality sealed the deal.
I would look at a few things….how you come across to others, what type of person are you trying to attract, and why is being in a relationship so important to you.
So this post is a little vague and there could be numerous things contributing to the poor results you’re getting on dating apps.
1. It’s a numbers game, you may have to swipe right on 10+ women before getting a match. Unfortunately that’s just life.
2. Photos are the most important thing on these apps, and their are many things that can turn women off which you may not realize. Some common turnoffs are photos with fish/hunted animals (unless you are seeking out a woman with those interests, but your dating pool will be smaller), low quality photos, photos of your car/truck, group photos that make it unclear who you are, and photos that make it look like you might have kids. Make sure you have a good quality photo of yourself, close enough to see your face, a photo from middle distance, and maybe photos of you with friends or doing a hobby towards the end of your photo lineup.
3. Your description is less important than photos, but still crucial. It should be pretty short (no one wants to read a novel) but include a few details about you (maybe something that could start a conversation) and the type of relationship you are looking for
I see that you’re using dating apps. On some of these apps, do you text with women and find yourself establishing a rapport?
Don’t ask out people at your work anymore.
If someone asked you what kind of woman you’re looking for, what would you say? Curious about the way you’d describe her.
If you are young, in shape, over 6 foot, decent looking and financially independent (I read that as in the top 10% of earners with the ability to spend without thought within reason) then the challenge is you.
It sounds like a lack of self confidence which will bleed through. As you describe yourself you site in that top 20% of men that get almost all the likes on the apps.
I don’t like the apps, wouldn’t use them if I was single but my brother had the same issue. 5 matches in 6 months and no dates. Changed his profile up a bit, took a pic of him in my car after getting him to smarten up his appearance a bit. We went on a road trip and he had a full inbox by the time we got to the end of the first day. Confidence is a good thing.
Again as you describe it you are a catch. If that’s true then change your mindset to the fact that you are the prize? It will take some practice but don’t start matching with everyone and messaging.
Far better to meet naturally and build a connection with someone that shares your values and interests though tbh OP. You’ll find longer term happiness
I struggled with this for awhile too. What really helped was changing my mindset from “I’m out to find the love of my life” to “I’m out to meet cool people and have fun.” You really can’t tell if someone is soulmate material from a dating profile and a few lines of chat so don’t even try. Just see who you click with, who seems interesting, who you enjoy spending time with and go from there.