In no way is this meant to sound cocky, but does everyone feel that they are different, or do most people (like you people here in this sub, for example), feel you are pretty much the same as most other people?
For example entrepreneurs vs. employees having a different work lifestyle. Travelers vs. Non-travelers. History of drug use/psychedelics vs. Primarily just drinking throughout life.
So these are just some examples, and in no way am I saying one person is better than the other if they do X or Y. But sometimes I have trouble feeling that I can mix with others when it comes to these 3 topics specifically. (Myself being the 1st example out of the 3 above). Are there a lot of people like this or are we a small percent?
The reason I’m asking is because I’ve been dating someone for a few months and he’s treated me the nicest I’ve ever been treated. Everything has been great, we have wonderful chemistry and everything is going well. I guess I sometimes have this subconscious feeling that I don’t really like. It’s thoughts like “is he too normal for me, am I going to get bored one day, he hasn’t experienced some of the crazy things I’ve experienced, can I really relate to him?” Sometimes I feel arrogant for thinking this way, other times I feel like I’m settling, other times I feel like he could be it for me and I need to stop being so picky. My fairy tale dream of finding some latin lover while backpacking that happens to be an entrepreneur and serenades me with his guitar probably isn’t going to happen… (although this was what I was hoping would happen in my twenties, lol). It’s been a very long time since I’ve meet someone after ~23 (now 31) that I wasn’t sick of by the 3 month mark.
I am traveling less, settling down I guess since I have a dog and a business now. But I’ll never stop traveling, weekend trips, maybe a week or 2 trip a few times a year is ideal. I started getting anxiety about him recently when I wanted to plan a few vacations, snowboarding trips, etc. and he doesn’t seem interested and doesn’t seem like he’d want to use a few sick days throughout the year (he has 22 sick days). I’ve traveled alone in the past, and I don’t want to stop traveling but I was hoping to enjoy traveling with someone one day (the more adult way, in a less homeless backpacker way). I feel like if I end up taking trips alone again I might start to resent him for it. I don’t know.
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Just a quibble with a fairly inconsequential detail of the post-
In a lot of companies, using sick days like extra vacation days will get you in trouble with a quickness. It isn’t a reasonable thing to expect for those folks.
I don’t think it’s really about being “different” so much as this guy just being incompatible. Maybe it depends where you live but in my big city, it’s wall to wall “entrepreneurs” who travel constantly. They’re not hard to find.
I do think that having rigid expectations about life experiences your partner has had in the past is more self sabotaging behavior than a real assessment of compatibility, but it’s possible that’s just bubbling up because of actual incompatibilities in other areas.
I’m not rich enough to be eccentric, I’m simply weird and that’s okay.
People tend to be both unique in niche ways and common in most ways. Lots of people pick specific traits that they imagine are really important for them in a partner, the strange reality though is that those traits may not be so determinable in attraction or how happy someone might be with someone else. Personality and relationships are more complicated than that.
If it comes down to conversations… that can be a hurdle, but I also don’t think that a partner need be someone who resonates on all the same frequencies. It’s fine to have mutually exclusive interests and vibe in other circles sometimes.
Some parts of me and my life have been or are currently a bit unconventional here and there, but really almost everyone has their little oddities and whatnot. And I can have great times with people who live pretty regular lives, somehow doing everyday things can be so much fun with the right person regardless.
What you’re talking about here doesn’t even sound like eccentricities to me. Just differences in lifestyle and travel priorities.
I feel highly eecentric , but also very personable. Def not everyone’s cup of tea.
If I ever decide to get into a committed relationship again, it’s going to have to be with someone who shares my eccentricities. For example, I travel quite a bit. That’s a non-negotiable. Even in my casual dating relationships, the willingness to travel is a must.
I find a lot of guys on dating apps too boring, vanilla, etc. for me. Don’t waste any time feeling bad about it. You like who you like.
Yes, I definitely feel a bit of an outsider. I have a past that would alarm many people, and a present that would bore the shit out of others.
As result, I feel I can relate to a broader spectrum than who could relate to me. And that leaves me feeling rather lonely (more so than being alone in and of itself)
I’ve been able to get a lot of things out of my system, but after settling down long enough to get divorced (twice!) I realize there are other things I want to do or I might have some serious regrets in life. So I remain happily single and looking to check some more experiences off my (now much more wholesome) bucket list before I risk settling down again and coming to regret and resentment that I did.
You are still young…and it sounds like you’ve got a wanderlust itch you need to scratch and it seems like you are already starting to regret getting involved in a relationship.
Sure, it would be incredible to go on grand adventures with our ideal person who just happens to agree with everything we want to do. But that sounds more fantasy than reality, because reality is that relationships require compromise therefore your dreams must be able to accomodate another person’s vision as well – and that kind of complicates matters.
You’re having doubts and since you aren’t married to this guy I would be weary and very careful moving forward—ie don’t make the collateral damage a break up will cause any more severe than it already is.
Your desire to travel is pretty normal. Tons of people romanticize living a Bohemian life abroad, and many people do take trips. It sounds like I’ve lived a similar lifestyle to yours, being a bit of a rolling stone rather than taking the traditional path.
As for you as your guy, it just sounds like you have an incompatibility. You want to take trips and he either doesn’t have the desire or maybe doesn’t have the means. Only the two of you can decide if this is something that you can compromise on, or if it will ultimately end the relationship.
I’ve spent my life feeling life a weirdo. I’ve started channeling it into stories that people think are interesting. Seriously, your eccentricities will captivate people if you know how to present them.
I’m wildly eccentric. I don’t want to date the normies and they don’t want date me, 😂
Well I mean I guess it depends what you find eccentric. I personally wouldn’t consider your examples being an entrepreneur, enjoying travelling or a history of drug use “eccentric.”
Do I feel like I’m too eccentric for most people? No. Do I feel like genuine romantic compatibility is difficult to find for pretty much everyone? Yes.
One of my mom’s terms of endearment for me when I was a child was “my little weirdo.” My ex would often shake his head with a smile and say I was the weirdest girl he’d ever met. My closest friends will often tell me I’m weird, or strange. All of these people might consider me eccentric. But I was never *too* eccentric for them 🤷♀️. And I definitely didn’t get “sick” of them because they were different than me. Plus, things they did seemed weird to me too.
I feel I’m pretty much the same as most people in that we’ve all got something interesting about ourselves going on.
You honestly don’t seem ready to settle down in a relationship, so don’t force yourself to. It’s not fair to the person you’re with. It seems like travel is a big deal to you and that value isn’t compatible with the values of the current guy you’re seeing. That doesn’t mean you’re “too eccentric.” It means you’re not compatible.
You joke about your fair tale “probably” not happening, but it seems like you very much still want it to. And you’re comparing everyone you date to this romantic ideal that you’ve built up in your head. No one will ever match it. That doesn’t mean you should settle, but it does mean I don’t think you should pursue a long-term relationship until you *genuinely* can stop comparing the people you date to a fantasy you’ve created.
Life isn’t a fairy tale. I know you “know” that. But I don’t think you’ve accepted it yet. Everyone’s “normal” is different, but it’s still their normal. There’s going to be times when things are settled, and boring. Especially in a long term relationship. It really stood out to me that you said you get “sick” of people by three months. It’s common for people to figure out they’re not compatible by then, but genuinely always being “sick” of someone by that point to me indicates an internal restlessness that a partner won’t be able to “fix.” It’s something you may need to address and figure out the why behind first.
My normal is being an entrepreneur and travelling frequently. I’m dating someone who’s normal is being an employee and he hasn’t travelled much at all. He has a history of experimenting with drugs, I don’t. We are from entirely different countries and cultures. And yet we are extremely compatible so far. And we’re more interested in who we each of us are today, not “crazy” things either of us have done in the past. I mean the stories are fun to share! But they are just simply pieces of our past.
Personally, there are specific things to me that are important in terms of compatibility. But I don’t feel like I need to fully relate to someone in order to “mix” with them.
Not eccentric, but I definitely feel like I’m too nice for most people.
I wish I was more like other people, honestly. I’ve gone through periods of resenting being “different” because it can just be so isolating, and if you don’t find, like, your own tribe and all, you’re gonna have trouble. Some of my interests I think are too niche for most people to get, and my taste in pop culture is probably far off from the “average”. I’ve definitely thought at times like maybe if I was less weird, I’d fit in better, that sorta thing.
Maybe you’re just in the wrong place. Other than having your own business, traveling all the time and regular drug use describes about 1/3 of the female profiles in San Diego. (The business thing probably just makes it more like 15%.) And those percentages get much higher if you talking about the coastal areas like La Jolla and Del Mar.
I’m a weirdo but someone out there will still have me.
I’m unsure if this is so much about being weird as it is being rigid and unwavering in what you want.
You seem pretty set in how your life is and what your life will entail and there doesn’t seem much room to compromise without you feeling slighted. If that’s the case relationships are going to be hard to find.
As I previously ran a business I found it made dating really easy because my life was very flexible and I could work around a partner. I just do my work when they’re doing their work.
If I’m adamant that I’m an entrepreneur who does my work in off peak hours, then obviously it’s going to make dating harder – but that’s really on me, not entrepreneur life.
As an aside I’ve never really met anyone who self-identified as an entrepreneur that wasn’t douchey. I wouldn’t touch a profile that says they’re an entrepreneur. Just food for thought.
I’m 39F and was in a relationship for 10 years with someone who didn’t travel. I thought I could settle down with him and then be able to travel … later. Well it didn’t really work for me. Our backgrounds were way too different in major ways. I’ve since moved overseas (again) and met someone who has a different, but in some ways very similar, background as me. Has traveled a lot, has multiple cultural backgrounds, has had a few careers, etc. It seems to be a better fit because although we also have differences, we exist in a similar world. I don’t have to explain things to him like I did to my ex.
I personally have found that the men I’ve dated weren’t “weird” enough for me. But then they also weren’t caring enough or interesting enough and many other things I value.
I don’t let it get in the way of me trying to connect with people, but at the same time, it makes my dating profiles a lot harder to like maybe? I’m not sure, I do pretty bad on apps and I’ve gotten the pics and text reviewed here, so maybe the reason is just that people mostly want others similar to them.
i think it’s natural for ppl of a certain level, money, intellect, or otherwise to want to be around similar ppl.
I actually like it when I meet people with great chemistry that haven’t experienced what I did. Because it would be exciting for me to introduce them to various first experiences.
But yes, I definitely feel like I’m different than most people. The thing is, I don’t look for a partner that is exactly like me. I look for a partner that has that spark of massive potential. If they’re already on the right path and only need a bit of guidance that’s perfect in my book
Your intuition and body is telling you something here. You are experiencing anxiety because you don’t listen to your intuition. I’ve been there.
I’m also ‘eccentric’ and I can’t relate or connect to most people. I would die of boredom being in a relationship with someone who didn’t view the world as me or had the same lifestyle.
I’ve tried, and I’d much rather be single.
Anyways, we meet many people who are kind, stable, attractive and just good folks. However it does take that extra thing to want to be in a relationship with them, kindness isn’t enough.
It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself to like this guy. Relationships aren’t build from the head but from the heart. Listen to your heart.
There are men out there who has traveled a lot and wants the same as you. Someone with different life experiences that has molded him that you can connect more deeply with.
If you’re single over early 30s it’s safe to assume none of us are conventional. But traveling is not a personality and really it’s become such a cliché that it’s an automatic turn off for me now (even though I myself like traveling a lot).
If you are somehow looking down on this guy you need to end it for both of yours’ sakes
First of all you need to know yourself. Know what the hell you want and then start dating again. Don’t use super cool guys to spend their resources like time, strengh, money, trust for someone indecisive like current you. He was good, there was chemistry but he was “normal” ffs, go with him sky driving. Or initiate new hobby.
I can relate to many of the traits you mentioned but find that people are still open minded about them. Or if they aren’t, that’s a good filter.
I was worried I’d scare people away with stories of say: taking psychs in exotic countries… but it’s interesting to see reactions. Also, I don’t really do that anymore and I’ve had a successful career and all that.
I guess I should’ve learned guitar but I’ve found people to be pretty receptive of the other elements of your fairytale dream.
I’ve rarely met any women that shared much of this, and they were generally not my type in a physical sense (dreadlocks and barista not for me). Where do you guys hide?
I think you need to grow up, personally, and define what it is you ultimately want out of a relationship. If it’s a backpacking buddy, then you’re likely going to compromise somewhere else because odds are you aren’t meeting and clicking with the most perfect match possible.
Frankly, though, you do come across as arrogant and condescending. I don’t know what it is about people who make travel a core part of their identity, but a lot of them really seem to get off on the smell of their own farts. Your post is well beyond talking about an incompatibility because travel is important to you. Trying to imagine calling a girl I have promising chemistry with boring or quaint because she doesn’t play with the same toys, jfc.
I was thinking about this a bit more and the tables get reversed significantly too. I’m sure I’m ruled out for several traits like:
– don’t own a car (despite my primary home being in a place where that’s super weird)
– I’ve sold off most of my possessions and my rented (not owned) apartment is mostly empty and probably makes me look insane
– I wear t shirts most of the time and avoid buying clothes unless necessary
– I don’t want kids
– Have done psychs probably a bit more than what most would consider reasonable
– zero interest in sports that are a big part of social activities where I primarily live
So yeah that probably eliminates a good cross section. But it’s sort of ironic as:
– I haven’t been to my apartment or country in months
– I’m mostly financially independent (not inherited) and hope to retire within next couple of years
– I’ve been to maybe 40 countries and I’m trying to split between home country and one across pond (don’t want to doxx)
Kind of hard to explain some of this to people and attract the right types.
Weird flex to say I’m rich enough to afford to travel and support multiple drug habits
I know I am. That’s totally cool. Even though long term compatibility is rare, I don’t have issues having my needs met through a variety of different kinds of connections.
Yes, but mostly because I’m bipolar, and most people I meet are not bipolar. I have gone through things non-bipolar people will never understand, probably even judge.