I (24M) have been dating my girlfriend (20F) for over a year. Overall things are good between us.
However, these days (last 2 months) my girlfriend’s mood swings are on the extreme. She has frequent trouble concentrating at work, she stays “numb” most of the times, and we concluded she’s depressed.
However, due to our regressive society, her parents being on the lines of “Depression doesn’t exist”, she hasn’t been able to go to therapy.
I’ve been trying to be supportive of my girlfriend but it feels like it’s never enough. Like we usually call once a day (she calls mostly). But the last few days she didn’t call, and I called her. She got annoyed that I’m bothering her. Sometimes she gets angry and writes things like “I don’t need your fucking empathy/ Mind your business”, when I try to ask her or show my support.
It’s temporary and usually in a few hours/next day, she becomes normal and loving again. I’m kinda stuck because it’s hard to be there for her, yet I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.
Also, her memory loss somewhat bothers me. We both were virgins and lost it together. It was a huge deal for her. She waited for almost a year before having it. Yet, once it happened, it almost feels like I think about it more than she does.
I have to “remind” her that we had sex, or talk something about it for her to be like, oh I forgot about that.
I don’t wanna be a dick and leave my girlfriend when she’s going through issues, so what will be the best solution (Therapy is unfortunately not possible for a few years. She doesn’t earn and me paying for it is not acceptable to her).
Tl;dr:- Girlfriend has frequent mood swings and feels like I’m walking on eggshells.
3 comments
I am going through similar things with my wife, we are separated and this only really arose in the last 2 years. I try so hard to help her, and she is now talking to a therapist, it’s extremely hard, for both parties. She hates feeling guilty that I have to cater to her mood, yet she also hates when I DONT cater to her mood. You really can’t win because it’s within her, not much to do with you. I commend you for trying but this early on, being that young, I probably wouldn’t stick with her. As much as that hurts, you must consider your own mental health
I actually use that word a lot, eggshells… but we have been separated for over a month now and I’ll admit, it’s awful a lot of the time. But, it’s also nice. I’m remembering what it feels like to be carefree and happy, not always thinking about her mood to the point where I’m not even present.
Sometimes the depressed push the people closest to them away, because they don’t want to drag you down with them. You could maybe offer her to take online therapy while she is at your place. I hope she’s open to it 🙂 Good luck. It can be difficult for both to care about someone while one is depressed
>I have to “remind” her that we had sex, or talk something about it for her to be like, oh I forgot about that.
Weird.
Doesn’t sound like much will change if she doesn’t get this dealt with, so you really have three choices: push her to seek help, walk away, or settle for the emotional rollercoaster that awaits you.
I know in regressive cultures it takes effort to untangle the internalized stigma of having a mental health condition. Sounds a lot like she’s avoiding dealing with it because she doesn’t want to also deal with the guilt/self doubt attached to that. So start by normalizing open discussions about your mental health. Talk about yourself, encourage her to open up on her side.