We were both raised in a super religious, Christian home and married young. Neither of us were physically intimate before marriage.
We have both struggled with intimacy, but me especially. I don’t really enjoy physical intimacy. It makes me anxious. Getting physical makes me feel anxious for some reason, and I avoid it. I think it’s the reason I always come so quickly.
I masturbate a few times per week, and actually kind of enjoy it, but feel guilty about enjoying it cause the experience is so contrasted against physical intimacy with my wife. I couldn’t finish the other day and it just made both of us feel bad.
I always focus on helping her have a good experience, and she almost always orgasms. Even at times where we have just done stuff for me, I still feel anxious about it and end up avoiding it.
Have you experienced this? How did you get past it? My wife and I chat about it openly, but neither of us have found ways to make sex more enjoyable
2 comments
It would be best to consult a therapist. That kind of upbringing can mess you up a lot, more than random reddit users can help.
You feel guilty about masturbation because you’ve been indoctrinated that it’s wrong. You can try reading/listening/watching sex positive material. I don’t mean porn, I mean articles, podcasts, etc. where people openly discuss sexuality. That should help you normalize sex as something healthy and fun. I’d say start with trying to masturbate without feeling guilty.
> I couldn’t finish the other day and it just made both of us feel bad.
Your problems with orgasming are stressing you which is causing even more problems. Try relaxing and start out with smaller goals. You don’t need to orgasm on your first try, simply focus on what feels good and keep doing it.
It may be time you saw a therapist who deals with sexual anxieties. Your anxiety is rather unusual especially around someone you should love as deeply as your wife. Chatting about this openly is good but if neither one of you has an answer find someone who does.