I think its important to set standards and find someone who puts in the same amount of effort as you, what’s your level of effort? Do you Try? If that makes any sense, and how do you try?

45 comments

  1. I always try to look nice and professional because you never know when an impression you make will have a lasting impact on your own or someone else’s life, so I try to keep my wardrobe fresh and i just ordered these [super cute pants] (https://shoponquince.com/bootcut) can’t wait to wear them!

  2. There’s only so much you can do.

    You’re only gonna’ do things that you’re comfortable with.

  3. Get a nice haircut, shower, exercise, wear nice clothes, show up to date on time, listen to her, read books to communicate better (use right words) and respect her boundaries.

  4. Grooming and good hygiene. Keep my weight at a reasonable level – around 13-14% body fat. Strength train 2-3 times a week. Wear decent clothes. I do these things for myself anyway but these keep up my appearance for dates as well.

    Maintain good social skills by doing group activities. Stay up on current events and some pop culture. Pick up the house if someone might come over.

    Try to keep an acceptable level of sexual tension without seeming needy or creepy.

  5. I make sure to shower at least 1 time per week.

    Can’t be showing up all smelly for that first date ya dig.

  6. Good hygiene, self-care, always well dressed, daily cardio and fitness, makeup, finding new ways to style my hair.

    Also for partners I always try to be very honest and respectful for them. I also try to take time to learn about their interests whether it’s sports, video games, shows, and so on.

  7. I went through therapy. It was for me, but I think everyone should if they need it.

    I look good for me already. It helps me feel good as well.

  8. As a guy nothing you can do will really give you an edge, its just that if you don’t do certain things it will be counted against you

  9. Considerable amounts of drugs, primarily psychedelics and THC. Avoid alcohol at all costs. Lots of books.

  11. I’m not really trying to make myself more attractive to anyone.
    I’m kind of in a phase, of cherishing the peace I have in my life.

  12. Other than the standard workout,diet,groom and hygene.

    I try to join women dating fourms(I don’t participate just spectate) and get out of the manosphere to understand the how women struggle in dating.

    That way I can be more empathetic and understanding of her behavior and needs.

  13. used to have a mullet but i cut it off now im running just a buzzcut whilst i figure out what style to go with, lost a fair bit of weight over the past 8 months or so, went from 98kg down to 78kg but i still want to lose another 5-7kg and now im at a point where at least 30 percent of my old cloths are too loose on me so ill have to buy more soon.

  15. Good question.

    I lost 100+ lbs. I would like to say it was only for health, but it was also largely for vanity and my dating life. My standards were high, so I had to rise to the occasion myself. Now I also make sure to dress well, maintain good hygiene, continue my exercise, and eat healthy. All the while I have a very good job and am frugal, having built up a lucrative amount of investments.

    As for my standards, I could care less about race. Gender I obviously care about because I’m straight lol. I do care about ambition and will not settle for someone with no direction in life. Most importantly though, I refuse to date anyone who is obese/overweight. I was there and it isn’t healthy, attractive, or a mentally sound place to be either.

  16. Be myself. People on here saying basic shit you should already be doing for yourself..Not for dates. “Shower, groom and work out” ok…. That’s a must. Lol what’s going on here.. people want props for taking care of themselves..

  17. Working out, therapy, promotions, going on solo adventures, cooking, reading, and making friends.

  18. Physically: I got braces, and having a deviated septum corrected in a few months, using Propecia and Rogaine for more hair, and use work out regularly for more muscle and less fat. Longer term, once I have money, I’ll get a hair transplant, lasik, and maybe abdominiplasty.

    In terms of lifestyle, I’m working towards finishing paying off my student loan debt. I also am working on advancing in my career so I can have disposable income and more prestige.

    I’m also plan to, but haven’t started, learning more relationship advice to determine how to be a better partner.

  19. One of the easiest things to do is make a list of what one wants in a partner.

    However not many people put themselves in the shoes of their “ideal mate” and ask the following question: “If I were him/her would I want to date me?”

    If the honest answer is *no*, then you need to cultivate the traits you believe *they* would want.

    A lot of people want change without making a change.

    I can’t tell you how many times people who are given suggestions say: “I’m not into this or that.”

    They refuse to go where the action is. They’d rather fish on dryland than head out to sea!

    There’s a reason why duck hunters make “quack noises” and not “moo noises”.

    In order to meet the kind of people you want to date *you have to run in their same circles*.

    ***”Don’t expect to sit next to the moon unless you are a star!”*** – Kevin Darné

    ***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud

    Best wishes!

  20. Not currently dating, but when I did:

    The obvious shower/shaving/body&face peels and skincare.
    Manicure & if I have time, pedicure
    Blowdry/hair straightening.
    Makeup.
    Creating a clothing/accessory ensemble, matching shoes and jacket.
    Perfume and chewing gum.

    Will also dedicate a little bit of time to prep mentally/get the nerves down if it’s a first date by listening to favourite music, talking to a friend.
    I also eat something sweet and filling before the date, like a doughnut. Never go to a date completely hungry (the hunger really messes with your ability to stay chill)

    That’s obviously apart the fitness routine/healthy eating.

    Edit: oh forgot, also reorganise my bag because don’t want it to seem too cluttered.

  21. Making sure I am clean and my house is clean. Spending every day trying to learn something new and work on myself to be a better person. Learning new skills as often as I can. Learning new recipes, learning how to fix most reasonable issues Ina house or with a car or other electronics, feeling more confident in myself as a person, growing into my personality.

    Basically I do a lot. I am not doing this specifically to be more attractive to someone else. I’m doing it to be better for myself, and it just so happens that these things also enhance my value as a potential partner.

  22. Haircut, remove skin tags, heavy stubble for facial hair, good hygiene, stay lean and jacked, dress to impress

  23. Exercising, i have multiple hobbies, a solid social life, i know how to cook well, i can build and assemble furniture, i have a job that i love dearly, and I’m very well-traveled

  24. Got aligners to straighten my teeth. KEEPS to help regrow my hair. I go to the gym and eat healthy no issue there.

  25. Dressing smarter and smelling nice. Started wearing a fragrance within the lates month. Colleague she said I smell nice this week so clearly helping.

  26. I work out 4-10 hours a week and put effort into grooming and dressing myself. I think it’s worth noting that I’d do these things even if I was uninterested in attracting women. Outside of that, I really just try to be myself to the extent that I’m putting the spotlight on my best traits.

  27. I bought a house as kind of a form of nesting. I want to show potential partners that I can care for all of my old motorcycles.

  28. I make an effort to always look my best. I live an active life and am open to trying new things. I am in phenomenal shape and truly believe that I am as attractive as I can be.

    I would rate myself effort at 8-9/10.

    It has not helped in the slightest.

    I am currently saving up to get plastic surgery and am looking into steroids to make myself attractive.

  29. I work out 2-3 times a week and have a crazy healthy diet. I’m kind of forced to do that because my mental health is so bad if I don’t do it. Anyways, I don’t expect others to be at that level. I do expect some level of activity and being down to go out with me an do active stuff occasionally, but if they want to drink and eat McDonald’s then there’s no problems there

  30. I mean I usually dress in my nicest clothes (also depends on the weather/warmth) but other than that my effort is my usual everyday amount – eyebrow makeup, maybe some spot coverage, and whatever hairstyle I’m feeling that day. I don’t wanna go on a date fully dolled up creating the illusion that I’m like that normally when I’m not

    Edit: oh also I’m like a cartoon where I wear the same thing all the time, having a coat I always wear unless it’s too hot, so I wear that on dates too

  31. basic shit like style, hair, skin etc and advanced shit like injecting and facial surgery. everything just to get an LTR🤣🥴

  32. Finding ways to understand men better. Reading you guy’s advice on here about what men want/need, reading dating books. Taking the time to show up presentable and smelling good. Developing my listening skills without interrupting. Listening to understand, not make a villain out of them. Taking the time to understand their love languages and how I can show them love in a way that speaks to them specifically. Making sure I’m opened rather than closed off. Smile more, being more genuine and authentic. Being more present and in the moment, letting whatever emotions wash over me run the show. Not being rigid with a million rules, letting things flow naturally. Learning to communicate better so I can say my needs to them. Learning to trust that all men don’t only just want sex from me so being more trusting towards them (the hardest part). Learning what they like the most in bed. Lastly, learning a new recipe or two 🙂

  33. Work out, groom regularly, socialize and have a good time when I’m out and about, have hobbies, coach Boxing, listen when people speak, be attentive, dress well and all of this to end up with 0 dating success cause I’m doomed with a bad face.

  34. So there’s an interesting thing that I’ve been seeing with my own preparedness lol

    I sometimes make an effort, meaning trimming beard+hair, shave cheeks, slightly fancier clothes, pluck the eyebrows, DIY facial epilation timed juuust right, stuff like that. I’ve been doing that when going somewhere I know someone I’m interested in will be, or if I feel like going out and meeting people. Or on dates or something.

    The thing is, some of my best connections and experiences with straight up making out or casual sex or getting asked for my number these past years – those have been when I’m ‘unprepared’.

    It’s either that I feel that more comfortable when I’m dressed for the workshop, big dumb rubber boots, shirt with paint stains, beard kinda scraggly. It’s either that, or people who go for ‘my type’ are not impressed by being more preppy? Like they want a real viking lol

  35. I work out, have learned how to dance (mostly for myself), and go to local events and attractions a lot. Doing all these helps support a positive and fun like attitude about life in general. I’m just livin it up.

  36. 1. Losing some weight, being mindful of what I eat.

    2. Welcoming more people who aren’t my “type”

  37. Well I suppose the only thing I’m doing is trying to be my most genuine, and honest self, improving on my emotional faults so I can treat them with the respect they deserve and show them a good time instead of entangling them in my problems and doing wrong by them.

    As for everything else, I don’t do it for any potential mate, but for myself. I am inherently a prideful person, but due to the troubles I’ve faced my dignity is in tatters I have very little to be prideful about and I’m not delusional enough to be prideful without reason, so everything else, I do it so I can live with the pride and dignity befitting of my natural temperament.

  38. Be careful. I’ve had personal experience as well as been told by a few female friends: some women will reject you if you’re too hot. Especially if you’re fit and they’re not or if you dress well and they don’t.

  39. Maintain a haircut, every two weeks or so for me. One thing a lot of men dont do but makes a big difference is mousturize, helps the skin way more than you would think and makes me feel better. Have a hobby youre passionate about

  41. Be the best version of yourself. Focus on you. Have a purpose that makes you wake up early and excited in the mornings. Get stuff done whatever it is you want in life. Appreciate yourself and the people that are in your life right now. Be grateful (mediate, pray or whatever helps you meditate). Right down your goals, things you are grateful for every day. Improve your vibration and visualize what you want to attract to your life. Workout. Take care of your health and appearance. Basically that’s all I do every day. I know the rest will follow (women, love, money, success, happiness, etc, etc)

  42. Phase 1: Financial security
    Phase 2: No drama in my life
    Phase 3: Body in excellent shape

  43. A girl massively broke my heart last March. I had troubles in bed “first time sleeping with her” all 3 times we tried having sex. Mostly because i loved and cared so much for her performance anxiety hit me like a truck. She went ahead and slept with my friend instead. I let myself suffer for as long as it took “the heavy part took at least 3-4 months”. August of 2020 we went on a vacation together and had the time of our lives (before the incident). August 2021 i decided i ain’t going nowhere. I’m gunna stay home and finally learn stock trading. I did, i also got into crypto, not going into much detail but i’ve never had so much money in my life and i ain’t even begun yet! Hell i’m getting angry writing this… i quit smoking (6 months so far). I decided not to quit my job (and search for another one with less hours) as the one i have now will help me improve my character as i’m the leader. I started no fap and quit watching porn. I recently started working out as well finally after 2 years. I don’t know where i’ll end up with all this. I’ll just keep doing what i’m doing, and see if the right one comes up one day…

  44. Self care is important. But, primarily you should be doing it for yourself, not a potential date. Take care of yourself, workout, cut your finger nails, shower, brush your teeth, etc and the dates will follow.

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