I’m overwhelmed and need a way to back away from this position kindly. This is a weird situation and honestly I’m very annoyed to be in it.
I reconnected with someone in my family, easiest if I refer to her as my aunt to describe the relationship. And now she texts me a ton of paranormal stuff she’s excited to learn about.
She has generously helped me so much at different times of my life and is an amazing person. Loving, helpful, fun. So when we reconnected I was genuinely excited. But the sharing has ramped up so much. She reads a lot of spiritual and paranormal stuff and follows people in this field, then shares what she’s learning with me.
At first I had no reason to try to deter her because I didn’t know I was going to become the person she dumps this stuff on. I’m going “Okay cool… Oh wow… That’s an interesting concept.” and then I’d share about whatever in return. I thought it was good to have the live and let live attitude and be able to share without judgment. She doesn’t judge anything I say.
But it’s not working out for me. I feel so stuck. I get these detailed emails about stuff that is HER thing not MY thing, plus now a light pressure to be into it with her, like maybe I want to check out the same books and courses. But I’m not into her spirituality. It creeps me out a bit really. Like a Christian who wants to text you long messages about rules and hell, but kind of flipped to New Age positivity. I feel like she’s sharing more than is reasonable, and assumes she’s inspiring me.
I am so unhappy with this position I’m in. I’m always getting into this trouble with people where I’m nice and a good listener, and then it just becomes way too much. What I thought I was doing was replying kindly and showing that I’m glad for her to be excited about whatever she’s into, and I thought we’d have some nice exchanges and be in touch once in awhile. But no, it’s constant now, and I think she has the impression that it’s cool to pass everything on to me and I want that.
I don’t understand why a good deal of people take it so far when you’re kind. I don’t flood people with MY stuff just because they listened to what I was interested in. Like I know how to share in a normal way, but so many people do not, leaving me in an awkward position where I always regret being open to sharing at all.
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**tl;dr**: Reconnected with my aunt who has been a positive figure in my life and now I’ve become the partner she shares all her paranormal excitement with. It’s been going on too long for me to suddenly say, “This is too weird for me” but I want a kind way to no longer be the person she comes to with this. What would you do?
5 comments
She probably thinks you are into it and it’s a shared interest you two are enjoying. It’s easy to cross the line between polite interest and someone thinking it’s real interest – and different people tend to lean towards different assumptions. I think you need to be direct and reply to one of these with something like, “I’m so glad you get so much out of your spirituality, and I am happy for you. But I’ve realized it’s not my thing. I’m still happy to hear about how some of it affects you, but I’m not going to get into it” that should be reasonably polite, and it is likely to get her to cut back a lot.
as someone who used to do this type stuff, you have to just be honest with someone and try to be pacifistic and peaceful about the way you say it.
If your aunt is much more supportive for you then beyond you and her mutual enjoyance in this then she’ll understand.
There’s people i knew that weren’t comfortable with witchcraft and that was fine, i didnt force them to practice when i did.
>> plus now a light pressure to be into it with her, like maybe I want to check out the same books and courses
“No thanks, I’m really not interested in checking these things out for myself, but I’m happy that you are excited about it.”
Or “Hey, you’ve been sharing a lot of this and it’s becoming too much for me. Would you scale back on the the number of times you share this type of information? Love you & thanks for understanding!”
Just say, “Ah, auntie, I’m kind of taking a break from the paranormal stuff.”
Or you could say you’re in a different phase of life and aren’t ready for that kind of stuff currently. You’ll reach out to her in case you need more information or help fro her in that area in future. Thanks for caring and understanding.