How do I live with that kind of stupidity?

I’ve come to the realization that I really am a stupid and unintelligent person. My knowledge has nothing to do with it. It has something else to do with it. Ever since I was a kid, I have been the least intelligent of all, even when it comes to basic things. I still have no idea how I lived to be twenty-two. Externally, in my opinion, I am no different from the average person, which means that it is about my intellectual abilities. Yes, yes, that’s all it is. People resist me, but not immediately, but only when they get to know me better, understand my underside.

I can’t learn anything, even the simplest things. I cook wrong, clean wrong, iron my shirt wrong. It amazes me that I don’t know such simple things. Yes, when I was a kid, the guys used to bully me all the time because of my stupidity and slowness. My memory is also very bad. I can forget what I was doing an hour ago. My suspicions started when I got a job as a waiter. On the fifth day, I quit because I just couldn’t master Rkeeper. I was very slow, anxious, mixed up orders, constantly asking stupid questions. I don’t say anything about thinking at all. For example, if someone asks me how to get to the next block, I immediately fall into a stupor, because I don’t know how to explain well, and even if I do, it takes a long time.

When people get acquainted with me, I don’t know what to say, how to react adequately. This makes me seem strange to people. Some of them have even hinted that I am stupid or feeble-minded, because I am almost the last person who understands jokes. Sometimes I take everything too literally. After that, I just want to run away and stay home. It’s the only place where I feel good and safe.
I make a fool of myself all the time. I try to ask people to ask me to repeat something if I don’t understand it, but when I have to, it’s embarrassing. They say to me, “Take this and that,” Everyone understands, and I, like a fool, look the wrong way, or don’t see (although my hearing and vision are fine). I can look and not see the basic things that are there.

Even when I went to judo. In training I had to practice this or that technique more often than others. And my coach noticed that I was kind of slow and inattentive, and even when he started showing me how to use this or that technique correctly. At first I can see that I seem to be doing everything right, but then the coach points out the gross mistakes again. Even though I was thoroughly informed, my brain just couldn’t figure out how to do it. That’s the kind of idiot I am.
Afterwards he said behind my back, “I’ve never seen a dumber guy,” and I was very hurt.

So why am I so stupid?

The reason is birth trauma. I think that’s the main reason. And it may have affected my cognitive function. I’ll be honest, even at school I didn’t stand out in any way. My elementary school teacher suggested several times to my parents that I be transferred to a remedial school because I could not keep up with the curriculum.
I learned to read much later than my peers. I copied almost all of my schoolwork from the Internet. And I never gave a damn about it.

After reading this text, you will definitely write. A stupid person couldn’t write so intelligently, but there are plenty of people with huge grammatical errors who think a hundred times better than I do. A stupid person would never bother with this question. But that’s no consolation to me.
It seems to me that even a mentally retarded person would think faster than I do.

Please advise me, how to live with this stupidity? Is it possible to continue studying at the university with such stupidity? After all, two years ago took akadem.kazdemnitsya due to depression.
I also have goals and plans for life, but the feeling of my own stupidity does not leave me alone. Often because of this thoughts of suicide arise. I don’t see the point in continuing to live if I continue to be so stupid in life.