I’ve been polyamorous for about a year now and in a poly relationship for about 7 months. Me and my partner were already poly going into so things went smoothly for us, but wondering how it ends up happening for other guys and how they’re finding it.

13 comments

  1. I could never do that. I can only be in love with 1 person like that. Anything else to me would feel disingenuous, or I myself would no longer feel loved. I’m just not wired that way.

    How do you not wind up feeling jealousy or that your partner doesn’t actually love you?

  3. A few guys I know who have been basically got bullied into accepting cheating and their ladies called it “polyamorous”

  4. Never been in one but I witnessed one. It looked like a fucking nightmare. Having to deal with two women almost constantly.. nope

  5. I thought a lot about it in the past. I had my last monogamous relationship crash some years ago and I decided that I would not have compromised on this again. I am very clear now that I am not interested in mono relationships.

  7. Not fully “poly,” more non-monogamous, but we got really drunk one night at a wedding and hooked up with our friends.

    My wife and I had a little “Eureka!” moment watching each other with other people and realized we didn’t really get jealous in sexual situations like that. Kept trying to push the boundary little by little and see where the line was that this newfound revelation broke down.

    We did try full poly, but both of us only have so much emotional energy, and my wife realized I got really distant if I had another person like that in my life, so we keep it now to just hooking up/swinging with other, established, couples. So far that’s working really well for us, since we’re able to trust those other couples to not have romantic designs on our marriage–we keep it sexual and platonic.

  8. I honestly don’t know how anyone has the time or the energy to be poly. Good for any couple that it works for but I find it hard to have time to date more than one woman at a time. I tried once a few years back to actually go out on dates with more than one person when I was actively seeking a relationship, and it was exhausting.

  9. Questions for OP:

    – who suggested the poly relationship? You or your partner?
    – is your partner a woman?
    – if yes to question 2, would you consider yourself conventionally attractive? (I.e has “getting” women never been an issue for you?) Are you objectively more attractive then she is?
    – Who has more success?
    – Does it wear you down that she has to work way less to get partners?

    Basically, what I’m getting at is that due to the nature of the “dating” / “hookup” world, poly relationships are always unfair for the men in hetero relationships. There’s obviously exceptions (if you’re Brad Pitt, use sex workers, etc)

  10. I had a poly relationship in high school. Girlfriend wanted a girlfriend and a boyfriend. The other girl liked me as well and I was 16. Like hell if I was turning down a two girlfriends and the possibility of a threesome.

    Probably my third unhealthiest relationship ever. Not doing it again.

  11. ENM here. We were FWBs initially that were very open with each other about not being exclusive. So when feelings developed, we agreed that we would date but stay open.

    I don’t have any plans for it to become poly on my end, mostly because I don’t have that kind of time. If she wanted to pursue a more serious relationship with one of her hook-ups, I would be fine with it.

    Personally, I have no plans or interest in every going back to monogamy. I see no benefit to it, and I’m willing to walk away if I was presented with an ultimatum.

  12. We’d been together for several years and had agreed that either of us could also have sex with others as long as we told the other one.

    Then we eventually happened to see a documentary on polyamory and realized that was pretty much how we already thought about things.

    We’ve been married for 15+ years by now, still happily poly.

  13. My first poly relationship was in college. I went to a small liberal college and it had a big poly population, most people were poly by default. After college, I met my husband, and I was still really close friends with several people I had been in relationships with. My husband when we first started dating was adamant about being monogamous and was not okay with how close I was with the exes. I agreed because my sex drive is so much higher than his that I knew it wasn’t the type of dynamic where a poly relationship would work.

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